Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Now, wait a minute.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: Now wait a minute.
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Hello, Craig.
[00:00:05] Speaker C: I know exactly why it's taking us a minute here. Because this isn't a show where usually the intro for this show is Kennedy just screaming at you about voting.
[00:00:15] Speaker D: Yeah. And it's usually inspired by the guest.
I'm usually. I usually come up with some kind of specific reason that you should vote or something that's based on the guest of the. Of the day today.
[00:00:29] Speaker C: I mean, it's a story about.
It's a. It's a tragedy about a time where, I mean, it's a little bit nihilistic about voting. I don't know what we'd say this is about.
[00:00:40] Speaker A: For. For. For populism and germ theory.
[00:00:44] Speaker C: Boy. This is. This is the. This. This TV show is about the opposite of voting.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Vote with the editor. Please do not.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Please do not.
[00:00:56] Speaker C: I'm right here. This is. This is a guy who could never win an election, even in the smallest group of people. And we really delve into their psyche. And for us, you know, we do so many shows that are about things that are in culture.
This is death by lightning. And. Yeah, vote for it. You know, with your comments and with your. With your reviews, definitely vote for us. On the Apple Marketplace. I think they're a consistent.
I don't know what the. I, you know, I work in analytics, and I never read the analytics for this show just because I like doing it. I just do it to be here.
I don't. I don't know whether this show is a hit. We have great guests.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Sure, why not?
[00:01:39] Speaker C: The guests are pretty.
The guests are kind of famous, and I start to recognize them. So I say this show must be picking up momentum.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:48] Speaker D: I just prefer to imagine in my mind that the show is a hit.
[00:01:52] Speaker C: If you guys all remember, if you guys go back to the archives of not safe for Wonks, I would talk about analytics all the time, and Kennedy would say, no analytics. Now I don't even. Look, just. Times have changed.
[00:02:04] Speaker D: See, the. The one. The one way in which I relate to Charles Guiteau is that I just believe that all of my projects are successful. But the way in which I am.
The way in which I'm different from Charles Guiteau is that I actually make a show. I actually do a thing.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: So, I mean, Charles Guiteau actually did a thing.
[00:02:30] Speaker D: He actually did make in real life. He did make that newspaper.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: He did, in fact, do some direct action.
[00:02:36] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:02:37] Speaker C: All of us are in real life more popular than Charles Gaudreau. We all know. And Shun people who have this exact personality profile.
[00:02:46] Speaker A: Yeah, No, I don't shun them. I go, maybe you should.
Apparently, maybe I should.
I'm gonna end up dying of sepsis from a racist doctor. Yeah, this. Anyway.
[00:02:59] Speaker D: By lightning, dummy. Come on.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's death by lightning.
[00:03:03] Speaker C: Pod by lightning.
[00:03:04] Speaker D: This election, which will be, I do truly believe, the most important election of our lifetime.
[00:03:09] Speaker B: This is the most important election of our lifetime.
[00:03:13] Speaker D: This is the most important election. Don't you.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: You hear that?
[00:03:18] Speaker C: Is the most important election in our lifetime.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: I certainly think it's the most important.
[00:03:22] Speaker D: Election of my lifetime.
[00:03:23] Speaker C: This is the most important election of our times.
Politicians say every time, this is the most important election. This one's really that important.
[00:03:33] Speaker D: As Brandon said, this is the death by lightning episode. As always, I'm Kennedy Cooper. Brandon Buchanan. Right here with me, we've got Andrew Fields, of course, our statistician.
[00:03:44] Speaker B: Hello there.
[00:03:45] Speaker D: And we don't have a guest today, but we do have our lovely editor, Ella. Ella Taylor.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: The usual voice of God. Yeah, the bringer of booze and crickets. It's. It's a me.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: Ella, are you really, like, a full guest on this show?
[00:04:02] Speaker A: I don't know. I think with the guests, it's more just like, I'm here.
We may.
[00:04:10] Speaker D: Have. It's just there's actually we off. Sometimes we write an episode and we'll be writing it and we'll go, ah, Ella, you should just jump on the panel for this one. But then we go.
It might get messy. It's a lot of voices at that point, a lot of mics and honestly.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Peek behind the curtain. I have a lot of fun inserting myself after the fact, if you know what I mean.
Get your mind out of the gutter. It's mostly fucking with chump with edits.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: Of course.
[00:04:46] Speaker C: I'm glad that there even is post editing. You know, when I. Once I record something, I often go anywhere back to it. I say, I've already lived that experience. Why would I do it twice? It seems even. Even more so for acting, because this is a sort of live improv. So I'd be nitpicking myself, but just knowing that. That the booze I feel in my heart, that the hatred I feel in my soul when I get like an Andrew pun, that they're reflected in the final mix, it's just really validating to hear.
[00:05:19] Speaker B: I'm an important member of this podcast.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
If.
If anyone out there has the same feelings as Brandon regarding the podcast they make, I Have very reasonable rates. Mnffpod.comgmail.com, please reach out to there. There. I did the thing.
[00:05:38] Speaker D: Yeah, why not? This is, this is. This is like a holiday episode in effect, folks. Kinda get out your wallets, call the number. Call the number at the bottom of your screen right now. You won't reach us. I don't know what's on your screen right now.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: It's just my. It's just my cash app, you know, and that's fine.
[00:06:07] Speaker B: Go into my cash app.
[00:06:10] Speaker C: Maybe we should start every.
Maybe we should start every show like that. Because what happens is we all sit up a little straighter. Have you noticed that we do that to the guests? We start the show and we tell the guests, hey, plug yourself. And then they all go, this is. I'm now at attention. They start doing their best voice. They rub the sleep out of their eyes.
Yeah, they get a little active. We start doing the same thing as soon as, as soon as we started plugging ourselves. Isn't that interesting?
[00:06:38] Speaker A: Oh, no, I, that's one thing. Since I started podcasting on the, the original graph show, I, I have no problem being an absolute for the show.
[00:06:51] Speaker C: We should plug early in and a lot of these show and then, you know, Ella can cut, you know, some plugs for, for the archives or whatever. Just put our guests on the spot and just tell them to do an advertisement for anything.
All right.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: Yeah, we didn't mention it, but now cut a bumper. Cut a bumper for.
[00:07:11] Speaker D: Cut a bumper right now.
[00:07:15] Speaker C: Actually, that's a great idea. If that becomes a tradition, you'll know that we started it in this very episode.
Suddenly, as soon as you guys said holiday episode.
[00:07:27] Speaker D: I don't know.
[00:07:28] Speaker C: As soon as you said holiday episode and then you said fundraising, and then suddenly, now the name James Garfield is going to have a lot more respect throughout the year. And we already respect Garfield as it is.
[00:07:41] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, let's get them to do a plug for James Garfield. That'll be the thing.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: You mean the inventor of Garfield?
[00:07:51] Speaker D: Rather than get them to do a plug for our show, we'll get them to do a plug.
We'll just get everybody who comes, hey, please say vote for James Garfield, the man from Ohio.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: First things first. Come on down to our farm and sit down on table on the front porch.
[00:08:09] Speaker C: So many of our guests don't know anything at all about politics.
JD Vance is the sky Republican.
What did I do? Is there a culture war around James Garfield right now?
[00:08:25] Speaker A: Not yet, but give me like a year.
[00:08:27] Speaker D: You know, if you. By the way, if you. If you don't know much about James Garfield because you haven't watched Death by Lightning, we're going to spoil this television show pretty heavily, this Netflix miniseries.
And you might want to just, you know, pause on your Walkman.
[00:08:46] Speaker C: Yeah. Go learn the real story of James Garfield if you'd like to. There might be an episode of How Stuff works. Or just choose your favorite adjacent podcast.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: And then go back and listen to us just ridicule it.
[00:08:59] Speaker C: But. But then also, you might be better off just watching the. The Netflix series Death by Lightning, because it's very good and we like it a lot. We're going to talk about it.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: Indeed. But first, just to get it out of the way, we thought we would start with this.
I do have a list of top 10 deaths by lightning that we threw together. I don't know, do we want to. Do we want to go to that right away?
[00:09:25] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we should get into it all. Hey, we should get into the. The top 10 deaths by lightning.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: But some of them are made up. Thank you. Thank you so much. I've been told I'm excellent at transitioning.
[00:09:41] Speaker D: We're gonna start with number 10.
[00:09:44] Speaker A: All right. There you go. Thank you so much. Oh, geez. Oh, God. Number 10. Anyone fighting Ella in Super Smash Brothers. Just get that out of the way. You're done.
[00:09:57] Speaker D: You really think you can back that up?
[00:09:59] Speaker C: Think about you're gonna have to defend that title into the nursing home.
[00:10:02] Speaker A: It's been a minute, but I'm gonna go.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: Think about the generational reference that you're making here.
There's some listener that's going to be playing this game in 20 years and now will be like you started a chain of. Of dramatic events.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Some link main little.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: It's like you're claiming the number one headband in Afro Samurai.
[00:10:24] Speaker D: I think. I think what you're forgetting also is that, you know, on this very show, on this very show, we have a member of the cast. It is the specific kind of fixative nerd that goes crazy for games like this. And I'm speaking, of course, about our in house statistician. And I actually think now that this gauntlet has been thrown down, I want. I want you to. I need you two to fucking play Smash. I need to. I need to see this happen.
[00:10:52] Speaker C: This is. This means. Okay, now hold on a second. I think that in the first 45 seconds, we've generated enough discussion that. Ella, we could belt you up immediately and then you could defend later. It's really up to you whether you want to. Whether you want to fight to defend this title or not.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: You don't even know who my main is. It's Mr. Gaming. Watch. I'm going to destroy you with Mr. Gaming.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: Oh, no. You've got Paul swim inside the house.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: I'm going to end this right now. I do not own anything capable of playing a video game so main in Smash.
Pikachu or. Or Samus also.
[00:11:33] Speaker D: Okay, I guess I should have guessed. I should have guessed Pikachu.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Pikachu or a trans woman.
[00:11:38] Speaker D: Yeah, I mean death by death by lightning. So.
[00:11:42] Speaker A: Precisely. That was the joke. Yeah.
[00:11:44] Speaker C: We don't currently run a Patreon.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: I don't think it would be amazing content. I tell you what.
[00:11:51] Speaker D: We.
[00:11:51] Speaker C: We could rent a computer or something like that. We could figure out some joint remote scenario for events. There's lots of once.
[00:12:02] Speaker D: We're gonna. We're gonna find a way.
[00:12:04] Speaker C: We don't always want to take money from viewers, but, you know, if we feel like taking your money, you guys could get all.
[00:12:10] Speaker A: Everyone buy. Buy, buy. Yeah, buy Ella gaming computer so we can put this to bed.
That's it. We're putting it out there right now.
[00:12:18] Speaker D: Andrew, we haven't given you much chance to speak up.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: Where.
[00:12:21] Speaker D: How do you feel about that? How do you feel about this? Do you.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: Do you feel like with Mr. Game and Watch. I'm gonna. I love Mr. Game and Watch us launch up with the game parachute. Go down with the key. I'm gonna hit you with all my sausages.
[00:12:35] Speaker D: Apparently that's all we're getting. That's all we're getting from this guy today.
[00:12:39] Speaker B: There's also a numbers attack. He has a numbers attack.
[00:12:43] Speaker D: He does have a numbers attack.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: That was a hell of a promo.
[00:12:45] Speaker C: Basically, I. I interpret that to say ain't Ain't sweet and Smash Brothers right now. This not just gonna be.
It's not gonna be no collaborations in the game.
That's pretty funny. Oh, man. Okay, fine.
[00:13:01] Speaker D: Our number nine.
[00:13:03] Speaker C: Let's move on.
[00:13:04] Speaker D: By lightning.
[00:13:06] Speaker C: It was so controversial. It was controversial inside this show.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I was gonna say. I hear. I thought that was a throwaway goof.
Number nine, Constantine the first Prince of Armenia.
[00:13:18] Speaker C: People were ready to fight you.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Well, people were also ready to fight Constantine the first. But yeah, he was the prince of Armenia. The second. Lord of the Armenian Cilicia. I don't know these words.
From 1095 until about 1099, at which point the chronography of Samuel of Annie records that Constantine died soon After a lightning bolt struck his table in his fortress of Vaca. Like, I. Like the. The good Lord really wanted that man dead.
[00:13:52] Speaker C: Well, I don't know what kind of. Do we know anything else about him? Was he a notorious prick? Was this.
I don't know whether you expected me.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: To do, like, real deep research. I gotta do 10 of these.
[00:14:06] Speaker D: I'm more curious about this. I'm more curious about this fortress of vodka. Like, did it have, like.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Did it.
[00:14:12] Speaker D: Did it have, like, a. A lot of skylights?
[00:14:16] Speaker C: Does it have to this very day, yeah.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Because, like, how is that happening? What. How much of a fortress, you know?
And then continuing with.
Well, further back, kind of into classics.
[00:14:29] Speaker C: Are you about to go to number eight? Give me the bullet points for this present.
[00:14:33] Speaker A: Number eight.
Apollodorus.
First century ad. He was an ancient Macedonian runner, and after winning the Olympics, he was killed by lightning on his way back home.
[00:14:46] Speaker D: That's crazy.
[00:14:48] Speaker C: That guy. I bet he was. I bet he was a frick. I don't know, A marathon runner. The greatest marathon runner. I bet he was running by people.
He was running backwards.
He was inordinately proud of himself.
I bet a lot of people weren't mad he got hit by that bolt. Something caught him at last.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: There you go.
Let's see here. Number seven.
This just says John Edwards. I didn't put that one in. Yeah, former.
[00:15:18] Speaker D: Former United States Senator John Edwards.
[00:15:21] Speaker A: You don't want to explain yourself, Kennedy. Or do you just want to let that one ride?
[00:15:25] Speaker D: Dead or retired.
[00:15:27] Speaker C: Whatever happened to that guy, you know?
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I could kick that guy's ass at Smash. Just give me a Mr. Game and watch. I can do it. Give me watch. I could kick his ass.
[00:15:41] Speaker D: Number. Number six on our top ten deaths by lightning. We've got former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: Death by doohickey.
[00:15:54] Speaker D: Lightning.
[00:15:55] Speaker C: Oh, man.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: Death by MacGyvered lightning.
Yeah.
[00:16:02] Speaker D: That is like such a. Such a story that. That might be another.
It will one day cover that in an episode unto it.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: I'm not sure that one actually happened. Maybe we just hallucinated it.
[00:16:14] Speaker D: You know, it really feels. I. I think I played it in one of the Metal Gear Solid games. Like, I don't think it actually happened.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I think I did. I think I did that in oblivion to get into the black hand.
That's wild. It was after I dropped the. The. The stuffed bear head on the guy. I had to make a doohickey and take out the Prime Minister of Japan. Weird game.
Let's see. Number five. Are we Ready for number five?
[00:16:43] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:16:45] Speaker A: Let me see if I can say this correctly.
Ella is short for something pretentious in Gaelic, as is my right as a trans woman. So.
Lugaid maklogaire. Died circa 507.
High King of Ireland. According to the Vita tripartita, Lugaid was killed by a bolt from the heavens when he mocked Patrick at a place later called Akad Focai.
Allowing that the association with St. Patrick is not original, it is thought that this account preserves a memory of some tale involving his death by lightning, making him one of several early Irish kings among his father, who were perhaps believed to have died by supernatural means.
Probably the most haunted island in that area of the world and my, you know, ancient homeland. Woo. Take the that what you will, but yeah, that's how you kill a high king in Ireland back in the day.
[00:17:40] Speaker D: Lightning, I get.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Yeah, that's very surprising.
[00:17:44] Speaker D: Don't talk shit about St. Patrick.
[00:17:46] Speaker A: Yeah, the Catholics got shooters. You know, you got to be careful with that.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: Okay, now. Now I'm a little bit worried because the primaries for Illinois are on St. Patrick's Day. Do you think he's cool with us voting on his day?
[00:18:02] Speaker A: No, probably not. No.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: No.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: Oh, no.
[00:18:06] Speaker D: All right.
Number four, deaths by lightning.
We have a former Pokemon champion of the world, Ash Ketchum.
Killed by. Killed by lightning.
[00:18:21] Speaker B: I can't believe Charizard did that. I can't believe Charizard did that to Ash.
[00:18:25] Speaker C: Yeah, I feel like he just. He just regularly has daily seizures.
I think he remembers the lightning and just falls down once or twice a day.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: I was gonna say how great it be if he died by lightning, but it wasn't Pikachu.
[00:18:39] Speaker C: Oh, Pikachu.
[00:18:43] Speaker D: Pika.
Number three.
[00:18:47] Speaker C: We.
[00:18:48] Speaker D: We.
[00:18:48] Speaker C: You really have to support voice actor. Well, you know, even with a little warm up, I don't think you could capture the full nuances of Pikachu's reactive Pika pikas. You know, there's so much acting that goes into those, you know, ironic voice actors.
[00:19:04] Speaker D: I agree.
[00:19:04] Speaker C: Joyful Pe.
You know, whatever.
[00:19:08] Speaker A: Oh, pika pik.
Yeah. Yes. No, as a friend.
[00:19:12] Speaker D: You have to work for years to be able to make those Pikachu sounds.
[00:19:17] Speaker C: Well, there are people. There are people who've done all that work for free. That's true.
There are people who've gotten their 10,000 reps just walking around. You can find this skill for free. You know, there are grown men who. Who spent their middle school years saying pika pika to themselves.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Pika pika pika Pikachu.
So anyways, Number three.
Leonius Pilatus. An Italian scholar from Calabria. Don't know where that is. Not looking it up. You can. You can't make me.
He's one of the earliest promoters of Greek studies in Western Europe. Thanks for that. Leonidas or Leontios Pilates was killed when lightning struck a ship's mast while he was standing against it on a voyage from Constantinople. Which is kind of funny. Callback to number nine.
Constantine the first getting struck by lightning. Apparently lightning really had it out for anyone. Even in association with. That really says something.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. Calabria is in Italy.
[00:20:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: You now know. You didn't want to know. You know now.
[00:20:27] Speaker A: Well, I figured they called him Italian.
[00:20:29] Speaker D: I feel like though, okay. Constantine was in a fortress.
This guy was leaning against his ship's mask. That's asking for it. I'm so. I don't mean the victim blame. I don't need the victim blame.
[00:20:43] Speaker A: Outside in like a large body of conductor while leaning up against the lightning rod. Yeah. No.
[00:20:49] Speaker D: No, dog. You can't. You can't do that. That's.
[00:20:53] Speaker A: All right. All right.
[00:20:54] Speaker D: That's how you die. By lightning.
[00:20:58] Speaker A: That or being the man from Ohio.
[00:21:00] Speaker D: Our number two, Death by Lightning.
Ian McKeever. This is a more recent one. He was a mountaineer. Struck by lightning in 2013 while climbing Kilimanjaro. What a.
What a. What a situation. What a situation.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: I'm just going to say.
I don't mean to victim brain blame either. But if the mountain is killing man, I don't care if there's a Jarho after who it's got killing man in it. I don't mean to victim blame, but it's in the name.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: It's gonna kill me.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: I literally.
[00:21:34] Speaker C: I literally. I literally feel the same way. I feel it's great to aspire to the unknown. The spirit of innovation. But that being said, you know there are some fucking large jagged rocks that one should not climb.
[00:21:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Why would you closer to the lightning. That's not helping your chances.
[00:21:54] Speaker C: What. What. What drove you to defy evolution in such a way?
I guess we'll never know.
[00:22:00] Speaker D: What? I guess Zeus.
[00:22:04] Speaker C: We all. I guess we all defy the gods every day we're alive. Huh? What a world.
[00:22:10] Speaker D: You think Zeus is looking at like our computers? Like. Ah, you little shits. You're trapping lightning and little crystals and.
[00:22:21] Speaker C: Maybe.
[00:22:23] Speaker A: They telling me to defy God. Thanks for the reminder to do my shot after this.
Number one.
The top ten.
That's my lightning. Thank you. Thank you.
[00:22:38] Speaker C: Make sure to plug your fundraiser as soon as you're done.
[00:22:45] Speaker A: You can find me on GoFundMe. I need a car.
The number one death by lightning. Topical.
Jake Paul's jaw, everyone.
[00:22:57] Speaker D: Of course this episode won't come out immediately, but wait.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: I might bump this up just for that.
I think I might bump this one up just for the job.
[00:23:10] Speaker C: Bring this thing out real fast because I got a house party this week. Just clunk. Bring this thing out.
Let people. Let people know that we're really making. At least making some kind of cool. Let's do it.
[00:23:23] Speaker A: Hey, I like to think so. So there we go. Top 10 deaths by lightning. But some of them we made up.
[00:23:29] Speaker D: Honorary mention to. Honorary mention to Andrew Tate, who did not die. He did not die, but was struck by lightning.
[00:23:38] Speaker C: Yeah, this guy, he was struck by molasses. He did this.
You know, Jake Paul has been spending years on this grift. You know, the Andrew Tate just looked like a drunk guy just in a bar getting beat up. It was real crazy.
[00:23:56] Speaker D: No, I hate to have to say something like this, but, but that, that, that Andrew Tate fight made the Jake.
[00:24:03] Speaker C: Paul fight look like Rocky Marciano.
[00:24:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that looked like a real fight.
[00:24:11] Speaker D: Like Ali versus Joe Frazier over there.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: You know, you just objectively, if you were to just look at two men fighting, if you just have any common sense, you wouldn't even hate to admit it. You would just be looking and reporting what you see. And one guy looks like he spent more time learning how to fight than the other guy.
[00:24:31] Speaker D: It's sad to say. I mean, it's. I guess it's not that sad, but it is, it is something to report.
[00:24:38] Speaker C: It's sad when the English language even coincidentally praises Jake Paul is what you're saying.
[00:24:43] Speaker D: Yeah, it's kind of where I'm going with this.
[00:24:45] Speaker C: And it is, it is, it is.
[00:24:47] Speaker D: Curious, it is curious to think that Jake Paul is a better boxer than Andrew Tate. Not that that's that surprising because obviously Andrew Tate is a super fake motherfucker, very superficial kind of guy. But still reported by all reports, Andrew Tate has studied boxing longer on paper. On paper, Andrew Tate has studied boxing much, much longer. And so for us to be here reluctantly praising Jake Paul because the fight was so pathetic.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: The difference is Jake Paul did cardio.
[00:25:23] Speaker C: Jake Paul is.
I mean, I would just say he's exactly as good as his record. If you watch boxing, you know, exactly as good as.
[00:25:32] Speaker D: What a, what a damning by faint.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: He just exclusively fought like 60 year old guys.
People that are. Have Fought in a different discipline.
People who are like 30 pounds lighter than him.
Like just random celebrities, you know, just if you really care about this and you take 90 seconds and you're like, what kind of guys did Jake Paul fight? And you go, wow. Holy. This is just like rage bait. And the whole life of rage bait. Fine, I guess.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: So slightly off topic with all of this, but I gotta say, I can't.
[00:26:12] Speaker C: No, we. This is an episode for a Content Creators behind the scenes episode. So for Jake Paul to be number one, death by lightning is just fine.
[00:26:22] Speaker D: You know where we did up with this bit though? We, we. We should have had James Garfield on this list that said. That is it.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: Yeah, we did that.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: He was number 11. Oh, yeah, we forgot.
[00:26:33] Speaker C: No, no, no, no, no.
[00:26:34] Speaker B: Number 11. He's number 11. Honorary mention.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: James Garfield. Yeah.
[00:26:39] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:26:39] Speaker C: Sorry, we didn't have time.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: I. I can't get over the smile on the dude's face before, like the moment he knows, like, oh, I got him, like, right, like, look, he's got the fear and he's got the smile.
[00:26:53] Speaker C: Like, I'm just, oh, Anthony Joshua.
[00:26:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah, Great photo where he's just like, oh, I got him. Like, I'm going to bring his little jab to the stomach and then I'm just. It's over. It's all done with. But the crying.
[00:27:06] Speaker C: Payday.
[00:27:06] Speaker A: Yeah, he's like, there he is.
Checkmate.
[00:27:11] Speaker C: You know, as long as he doesn't go to jail, he'll always be the guy that beat the. That knocked out Jake Paul, that drinks anywhere in America, everybody.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: I found out. I just did a Google search based off of a hunch and. Oh, my God, Jake Paul, the man from Ohio.
[00:27:31] Speaker C: That's where he was born.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: Ohio.
[00:27:35] Speaker D: The Paul brothers Being from Ohio makes too goddamn much sense.
[00:27:41] Speaker A: Ohio, the suicide forest of America. Yeah, that makes sense.
[00:27:46] Speaker C: Oh, my God. We plan these, but not that much. That's nice. I mean, not. It's not nice to come from Ohio, but, you know, oh, if you're from. I guess it is nice to come from Ohio. If you're from Ohio, my condolences. I guess it's the best thing.
[00:28:02] Speaker D: Nice to come from Ohio. It's not nice to be stuck there. Yeah, like, if you, if you got out of Ohio, you're like, oh, yeah, man, I left Ohio. That rules, you know?
[00:28:13] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I make that joke having like one or two friends I actively am worried about because they're still in Ohio.
[00:28:18] Speaker C: Nice to leave.
If you need help leaving Ohio, get on this podcast. We'll we'll, we'll find your way out.
[00:28:27] Speaker D: Ohio is like the Hotel California or something. You know, it's like, you know, you just.
It's hard to leave.
[00:28:34] Speaker A: You can check out anytime you want.
[00:28:36] Speaker C: Yeah, your Ohio escape pipeline.
[00:28:40] Speaker D: Yeah. So James Garfield, this man had to run for president to leave Ohio. I mean, it's, it's not easy sometimes.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: Even that his wife's like, no, no, they're coming to you.
They're coming to the farm to talk to you.
[00:28:55] Speaker D: He eventually does concede. So.
[00:28:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:58] Speaker D: So death by lightning. Again, just to be clear, this is the Netflix miniseries that covers the election of James Garfield and then his assassination by the coward Charles Guiteau.
You know, it's a very fascinating story and we liked this show because it was a somewhat accurate historical drama about politics, which just kind of fits in with the vibes over here. You know, we're constantly on this show trying to figure out how to sneak in a little political goodness into topics that you might not expect them and maybe therefore, you know, learn a little something that you weren't expecting to learn in a fun way. And this show, show covers a story, a really interesting little bit of history that is not very well known and actually covers it with a somewhat high degree of accuracy, especially for the type of media that it is.
[00:30:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel like some stuff got, got like compressed time wise.
[00:30:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:06] Speaker A: To kind of.
[00:30:07] Speaker D: A lot of stuff gets compressed.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Timeline wise. As far as, like when things happen when certain people, certain events happen. I think.
[00:30:18] Speaker D: Charles Guiteau did leave the place that he had been and come to the, to the convention to hang around because he had stolen money from folks, but it wasn't his family. And he did have an off and on complicated relationship with his family members that like, you know, they just kind of condense those two plot points of his real life into one thing.
How accurate is that? Is a complicated thing to say. Obviously at that point it's not fully accurate, but it is true to the spirit of the storytelling. But there's other elements of it that are spot on.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:54] Speaker D: Such as that ancient fucking senator introducing James Blaine as a presidential candidate. You probably, if you've seen the show already, you probably watched that, you thought that, oh, that, that's a good bit that they wrote that in. That happened.
James Blaine picked an ancient but reputable guy to announce him at the convention. And this guy gave a short nothing burger little speech where he basically just said, vote James Blaine, I'm out. And he got his name, he got the. He got James Blaine's full name. Wrong. In real life. That really happened.
[00:31:32] Speaker B: That guy.
[00:31:34] Speaker A: You mean to tell. You mean to tell me that. That geriatric politicians have been a problem for our country for a while now?
[00:31:42] Speaker C: It's so. It's so funny that we did the rehearsal for this show and then we talked about this guy and we didn't remember him, and now we're doing the show and none of us remember to even remember that guy.
[00:31:57] Speaker A: No, I. I refuse to look up his name. He's that guy. Yeah.
[00:32:03] Speaker D: I'm not debasing myself. This guy didn't learn the name of the guy that he was supposed to be nominating for president, so why should I learn his name? Yeah, that's what I said.
[00:32:16] Speaker C: This story is all about the power of a name, you know, don't give these guys any extra. Don't give these guys any excess power.
[00:32:28] Speaker D: But yeah, James G. Blaine being introduced incorrectly as James S. Blaine.
That really happened.
There's a lot of details in this show that are pretty true to life, and I think, especially if you don't know anything about this piece of history, this is an all right place to start. It's not where I would stop if you really want to understand it, but, like, it's. It's shockingly like somebody just like, yeah, who's James Garfield? Like, this is not saying, oh, watch Death by Lightning is not actually like, the worst thing you could say, right?
[00:33:03] Speaker A: Like, especially the James. No, especially the James Garfield of it all. Like. Like, I feel like they do a really good job on that dude.
And, man, just wild.
That's another reason I'm bus gonna probably move this up is several friends of the the pod have done shows talking about this recently, so it's topical.
And like, our friend Corey, who's been on the show, talked about on. On. On her show Jack of All Graves recently. And I was like, oh, we just wrote an episode about that. But, like, all she. I say all that to say she was. Has been obsessed with it, with the book for, like, 15 years, years. And like, before the show even got made. So, like, she, like. And she loves the show for all these reasons of, like, no, they did a really good job.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: The one thing I liked about the show and I checked this is actually very true to real life, is it basically had a villain redemption arc in the form of Vice President Chester A. Arthur, who is.
Who's put in that position to antagonize the man from Ohio. But by the end, in real life, he adapted his plans and did reform of the system like Garfield wanted.
[00:34:24] Speaker D: Yeah, like chess. Chester Arthur did reforms that are still in place and meaningful to this day.
We're talking about the guy that got rid of the poll tax. Like, that's not an insignificant moment in history.
[00:34:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:41] Speaker B: Like, and he, his career up to that point was corrupt. Career, politics.
He wasn't the most.
[00:34:48] Speaker D: Well, well, except for when he was young, much like how they say in the show, he really was an idealistic lawyer for a little while when he was young.
[00:34:58] Speaker A: And then for a while there he became in. In my estimation, I remember while watching, I was like, is Ron Swat? Is Chester A. Arthur big?
Like he's the muscle at the Port Authority in New York. All true.
[00:35:16] Speaker D: Yeah. So I think that's such a fascinating arc. And like Andy's saying, it really is represented in the show of this guy. He was a young idealist who got the idealism beaten out of him.
He decided, okay, well then I'll be the fist doing the beating, Right?
[00:35:35] Speaker A: Yeah, basically.
[00:35:37] Speaker D: And he lived like that for a time. And then eventually he had this really fascinating redemption moment where the death of James Garfield in particular was this inspirational moment.
And although it wasn't exactly how it's presented in the show, he really did come to see James Garfield while he was dying after they hadn't spoken, spoken in person in weeks and months or months even. And you know, they.
It really was a reconciliation between these two men that, you know, some. Something really softened Chester Arthur's heart.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: Yeah. And I like how in the show it really kind of tries to get across that like he, he was taken aback by the fact that Garfield was. What he said. He was like. It's like he met the. It's like he met an honest man and was like, oh, like, whoa. And then he watched this honest man taken from him by this just cowardly piece of Cato and he was just like, well, I guess I gotta. I guess I gotta like be better to. Because I gotta make up for what we lost here. You know, it's kind of.
[00:36:50] Speaker C: He gives a very ambitious, emotional speech at a very crucial moment in the nomination process.
And so, you know, is seen as like, he was just trying to hog the spotlight at a time when, you know, and there aren't a lot of shows or TV shows that really go into the. The male pageantry of a political convention. You know, they didn't have social media in the same way. So everybody, it's just a hyper charged, egomaniacal moment. They're able to find a relationship beneath the hypercharged egomaniacal moment that they're. That all of these national people's relationships had to be forged in at that time. Remember that like the time that you're spending going and coming was totally different before the airplane was invented.
You have to really think about the time investment for people to cross over with each other in a completely separate way.
[00:37:47] Speaker D: Yeah. So, yes. Surprising amount of accuracy to a lot of that stuff, like. Like Brandon saying this. This thing of James Garfield getting up and giving the speech and, you know, like swaying this convention and being this sudden dark horse candidate. All that really happened.
That there being just one guy voting for him for a long time, that really happened now. But of course there were are some things that are played up for drama, such as, you know, it's really played up that Sherman is really offended by James Garfield, you know, becoming this darker horse. Actually, it was Sherman and James Blaine forming a coalition and supporting Garfield that got him the ticket in real life.
In the show, they. They kind of make this into a more dramatic thing, you know, so there are parts of it, you know, take it with a grain of salt still. Right. Because of course it's. It's a lot more interesting in the show to have John Sherman be bitter and resentful and to present that as a political angle. Right.
Rather than to just have those guys form a. Form an easy unison. Which is kind of what happened in real life is that they were like, hey, not enough people will support you or me. People really love that speech James Garfield made. What if we.
What if we both back him?
[00:39:12] Speaker B: Remember, don't give good speeches or you might become the next president.
That's the moral of the. Of Death by Lightning.
[00:39:19] Speaker C: Well, you know, it was a country definitely. And I don't know whether you guys would say the Netflix show was really about this, but the post Civil War country was very much struggling with morale and identity. There were a lot of people who were struggling with what think of themselves as national citizens kind of in the backdrop of the whole series. So shouldn't be doing anything.
Will be reflecting on that. I don't think that the show is really meant to have those kind of parallels with, you know, vanity or to be talking about influencer culture necessarily. It's just that this, the. This not a unique strain to culture. You could do this. This kind of story would fit anywhere.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: Well, that's kind of a good transition to other part of our episode here.
[00:40:10] Speaker C: There's been courts and courtiers for just as long as there's been humankind.
[00:40:16] Speaker D: Yeah. And obviously, I mean, Netflix has Been finding some footholds with some other stuff like this, and they've been struggling to get hits and a lot of their hits have fallen off. I mean, we don't need to belab. Every podcast has roasted the new Stranger Things season. We don't need to belabor the point. It just seems like, you know, they should have stopped making that show a while ago, probably.
Netflix is definitely in a weird spot right now where they've been struggling to find their new identity, such as it fits into our current economic and political and social and media environment.
Death by Lightning has been a bit of a hit for them, and in some ways it's not that surprising because they've also been fighting finding success with shows like Bridgerton and some of their other historical pieces and things like that. I think that they, again, like, they're. They're kind of like looking for a direction to go in. I wonder that we won't see a few more things like this come from them in the next few years, now that they're seeing continued demand for it.
Death by Lightning, of course, is a pretty widespread critical hit.
It got some nominations for like, best TV show of the year and stuff. I don't think it actually won any awards like that, but it did get nominated for some things. And of course, where some of the awards season stuff is yet to happen for 20, 25 shows. So we'll see.
[00:41:47] Speaker B: So I guess you could say, ironically, this show gave Netflix a little bit of Life by Lightning.
[00:41:54] Speaker D: God damn it.
[00:41:55] Speaker A: I'm just, you know, I'm here. I'm here now.
[00:42:00] Speaker C: Yeah, you're lucky.
[00:42:02] Speaker A: No, I. I left the space. I left the space there. I wanted to let it breathe for a reason. Okay.
[00:42:07] Speaker C: It's a good show.
It's. Well, I mean, in terms of the quality the way that I'd say it is, this is a show that's about psyche and personality. It's not structured like a Hollywood blockbuster. When you think of a four hour miniseries, it's not just a movie that's way too long. It's like a four act story that gives you a lot of insight into the fixed attitudes of people going through an interesting situation.
But it's not so much about when it's happening or what it's happening or why it's happening. It's good in a very archetypical way.
If you were at the Trolla AV Club and you watched some of our early seminars on like four act structure, or if you watch that Kennedy tutorial on the Colonel Sanders on Netflix, this is kind of in that spirit. Not that it says like to the point, snappy and catchy but it adheres to the same strong principles of storytelling without being like an exciting minute to minute story. It's more of a character story that still has a strong foundation.
[00:43:24] Speaker D: Yeah, so actually you know what, on that subject, Brandon, you've already given like 8/10 of a review. Why don't we all just quickly give our like, you know, we know that a lot of critics and audience praised it. Where do we all stand with it? Everybody give your your rating and your positives and negatives in a brief synopsis.
[00:43:46] Speaker C: I have a Track TV so I'm going to plug myself. I'm on Track TV and I gave. I think I gave this an 8. And what I'd say about this is it's just very well told. You couldn't spoil it even if I told you the events of everything beforehand. It's just.
It's not about events, it's about psyche. It's a little bit like a catchier version of the man who Shot Jesse James or it's just a great four hour.
It's just made right for the format and it's fun, it's a good. I mean it's awful but you know. Yeah. It's just an interesting look at history. I give it an eight.
[00:44:32] Speaker B: Very good show.
I'm actually going to contrast this with Hamilton.
So I, we all know Hamilton. I don't have to dig too much into it.
Looking into what Alexander Hamilton actually did pissed me the fuck off because Hamilton is so lib coded. Right. It's the thing for the liberals, all the liberals. Hamilton was a right wing politician. His party was the right wing party. He was a right winger and it drove me nuts that knowing that. I guess that's what oftentimes happens. They liberals are the ones who redeemed his reputation when he was right wing just like by lightning in comparison. I'm very. Is much better because when I'm fact checking and seeing what it all is.
Yes. The way it shows Chester A. Arthur and James Garfield and I don't think we mentioned him yet but Conkling who's a pretty much the main antagonist of the thing aside from the, you know, aside from the bullet. Aside from that. Ms. Lincoln is really in the spirit of.
[00:45:44] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Except for sepsis really hits the spirit.
[00:45:47] Speaker B: Of it I think like what Kennedy said earlier. It's a good introduction.
I'm kind of surprised we haven't seen something like this sooner because some of it does feel like it was made for tv.
So, yeah, overall, good show.
Four stars out of four.
[00:46:06] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: I, I, I, I want to address some criticisms I know people don't like when there's like, some people don't like when you introduce like modern language and swearing and idioms and to period pieces I for one think they can get.
Because I think it's, it's a spoonful of sugar helps the history go down. Like it's making it more accessible to more people to understand, you know, what someone means, not using old timey lingo. Excuse me.
So like, that is something I actually thought is a positive, not just because I think Nick Offerman is hilarious though. He is.
And like, yeah, no, the, the lightly comedic aspects of it were, were fantastic, but it was also just seriously done as far as, like, like I said, the factuals. I guess my one complaint is that like one to two more episodes, please, like, there, there. You could have told more. There's more. There was more going on he could have gotten into.
But sure, why not? Oh, I have to rate it. Rate it, don't I? What Melter does. 5 stars.
4 to 4.75. If it was Tokyo Dome, it had been 5. Sorry.
[00:47:31] Speaker D: I guess what I'll say as a slight contrast to Ella's review in a way is just didn't necessarily dislike the modern language choices. I just felt it was sometimes jarring because it felt kind of like they were switching back and forth between old timey and modern language choices in a way that was a bit erratic.
[00:47:53] Speaker A: Yeah, pick one and stick to it.
[00:47:54] Speaker D: Yeah, exactly. Or, or just, or just be more intentional about when you make those calls. Maybe to some extent, but, but I didn't really mind.
Yeah. My basic feeling was that overall it was pretty strong and that occasionally it felt like the writing and the acting was a little bit weaker in certain scenes, but that mostly the writing and acting was pretty strong.
Mostly it looked really nice.
Again, once in a while there was a certain scene you'd look at, you go, this doesn't look as nice as some other scenes.
But mostly it looked very nice.
And yeah, the historical accuracy, surprisingly good. So, you know, hard not to enjoy that part of it. So, yeah, I think if I was to rate it, I'd probably give it like, like an 8 out of 10. Pretty solid. Pretty solid experience.
So we know that Death by Lightning is a hit and we know what happens when Netflix has a hit on their hands.
[00:48:53] Speaker B: They don't exploit it. They don't exploit it.
[00:48:57] Speaker D: They, they leave it Alone.
Well, actually, I mean, funny enough, sometimes that is what they do with their hits. It's very confusing.
[00:49:05] Speaker C: Speaking of death by lightning, my electricity just had a death by lightning and then had another one and miraculously recovered.
[00:49:13] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:49:13] Speaker C: So I'm, I'm just back in the mix instantaneously.
What a. What a day. It's been one of those.
[00:49:22] Speaker D: It's been one of those for sure.
[00:49:25] Speaker C: Did I miss any world class take opportunities?
Do I need to come and karate chop a takedown?
[00:49:31] Speaker D: No, you actually came back at just the perfect time. Because I was just saying, you know, death by lightning is a hit. And we know that Netflix, when they have a hit on their hands, sometimes they squander it, but often they do something else. They drive that baby all the way into the ground. And so I thought it would be fun for us to imagine as a show, where can we go from here?
[00:49:55] Speaker C: Especially because Netflix is literally, they are spending billions of dollars on the Warner Brothers IP they so that they never have to go to these meetings ever again.
Yesterday's price is not the same as today's price.
[00:50:19] Speaker D: But yeah, you know, I mean, I think it's kind of fun to imagine, you know, especially because our two main characters in have such resounding endings to their stories.
If Netflix were to decide to try to make some kind of sequel prequel spin off side property to Death by Lightning, where would they go for how? So first of all, how could we, how could we, how could we justify there being a second season of this show? Not we, we're not allowing ourselves a spin off yet.
[00:50:53] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:50:54] Speaker D: How could we, how could we justify a, a, a season two to Death by Lightning, A show that really seems like it kind of was what it was.
[00:51:05] Speaker C: So it seems to me just the obvious, the most sympathetic thing to do would be to have the Garfield family. Have you guys seen the Crown on Netflix? I would just make up a complete fan fiction of whatever the Garfield family was up to in the time right after, you know, I would. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, that whole situation, with apologies to their family. They're, you know. But the second choice I think would be Chester Arthur. The Arthur. Are these too far away? Are these spin offs or can they be season twos?
[00:51:42] Speaker D: Mr. Arthur could maybe be a season two. What do y' all think?
[00:51:45] Speaker A: I think Chester are. I think Chester A. Arthur's like continuance of, of that is, would be like the only season two I would want that would make sense as an actual season two is like, it's a continuation of, of what started and like, in a lot of ways, it was the most compelling character arc.
Like, holy hell. Like, it really felt like a layup. It was like the passing of the torch, the way they. They sealed that up.
[00:52:16] Speaker B: Yeah, no, like, I had really had to Google that one to see if that was accurate to real life. And it is largely.
[00:52:24] Speaker A: Yeah, it basically went down like that. Yeah.
[00:52:27] Speaker C: It just seems obvious that we should have added Frank Underwood to the death by Lightning list because this is exactly what House of Cards went through.
They're debating on whether to put it on the Family or whether to put it on a different political cast member.
[00:52:43] Speaker B: So I could also see them trying to do.
It would be a little weird. It might be more appropriate of a spin off, but try to do a season two as a pretty prequel to the first season. Because before Garfield's presidency, Conqueling was a huge thing in politics.
The 19th President of the USA, Rutherford B. Hayes, beat Conkling for the nomination. He's the first president to lose the popular vote but win the electoral college. Chester A. Arthur was a big antagonist to him, too. I could see them trying to do some sort of prequel season.
[00:53:25] Speaker C: This was. This was another unexpected death situation. Because I'm thinking about in television, the actor that originally played Spartacus on Showtime had an unexpected passing. Or they were sick. Yeah, they were. They were sick at the time. And so in order to make an extra season, they made like an immediate prequel.
So you'd be doing the same thing, except, you know, you know, just focusing on the surrounding casts and giving them like a side story that was in more depth and detail.
[00:53:58] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like everyone gets an. Everybody gets an origin story. And I will say, like, Conklin. Conklin's Wikipedia was wild.
And also the guy. The guy that they got in the. The costuming that they got for him for the show, dead on. On, like, oh, all the images I saw of this guy looked just like him. It was kind of.
[00:54:21] Speaker C: This would be. This would be death by lightning, blood and sand.
And actually, you know what?
People. People would watch it.
[00:54:31] Speaker A: Yeah, let's go.
[00:54:32] Speaker C: I mean, all those actors are still. All those act. All these actors are still alive. You know, only j. Only the character of James Garfield is gone.
If only the character of James Garfield is gone so they can continue this. I mean, you know, whatever contrivance of history they have to do. The actors are technically available.
[00:54:55] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
[00:54:56] Speaker A: We're missing the obvious.
[00:54:58] Speaker D: I think we need like a It's Always Sunny Philadelphia style spin off about Charles Guiteau's. Life before.
[00:55:06] Speaker C: Oh, God.
Oh, that's so horrible.
[00:55:09] Speaker A: Oh, gee. Oh, yeah. What. What? All the things that led to his.
[00:55:14] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:55:15] Speaker A: That would be pretty.
[00:55:17] Speaker C: Well, first of all, that'd be you.
That's a terrible and horrible and hilarious.
[00:55:24] Speaker D: Idea because, you know, I read. I read up about Charles Guiteau in particular after the show because I knew the least about him. And he had a crazy, weird life in a lot of ways. Like, he did a lot of, like, crazy schemes. He survived some weird disasters. He just had, like, a lot of bizarre.
[00:55:44] Speaker C: We shouldn't immortalize. We shouldn't immortalize that guy with our work.
[00:55:49] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. No, right. But I'm okay. But however, that isn't on brand for Netflix. They're like, can we get a hottie to play him? A hotter guy to play him this time? Because he'll be like, younger.
Because look what they did to Dahmer and all that.
[00:56:04] Speaker C: We. We could do if. If people really were interested in the art of it. We could do a genre piece about a character that was like Gojo in a. In a non real setting. And you could do all of the same things, of course, as a storytelling convention.
But then will you really want to do it?
Who knows?
The good years.
A series of. Of a series of snippets about a person who grows up to be the most hated person in the world for even a short time is interesting.
[00:56:39] Speaker A: Better Call Saul. Yeah. I still say, though, we're missing the obvious. We need young that guy.
The old dude who delivered this. The.
[00:56:56] Speaker B: Young that guy adventures.
[00:56:59] Speaker D: We.
[00:56:59] Speaker A: We need to know. We need to know what got him to that place. You know, it turns out he has.
[00:57:06] Speaker B: A medical condition where he gets his lettuce mixed up, which it explains why he got Blaine's name wrong.
We need this to be explained.
Two seasons.
[00:57:18] Speaker A: Two seasons. But we get at least two seasons. I young that guy. Call me Netflix.
[00:57:22] Speaker D: Young that guy.
[00:57:23] Speaker A: Hire you, girl. Let's go.
[00:57:26] Speaker D: Other young that guy.
[00:57:28] Speaker C: Duh. That guy.
[00:57:31] Speaker A: Refuse to word his name.
[00:57:33] Speaker C: Lil that guy.
[00:57:36] Speaker A: Will that guy.
[00:57:37] Speaker D: Yeah, everybody hates that guy.
[00:57:41] Speaker A: That.
[00:57:41] Speaker B: That guy in space.
[00:57:45] Speaker C: You know, we could do the Goudreau miniseries of puppets.
[00:57:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:57:50] Speaker D: Yeah.
Everybody hates Charles Guiteau.
[00:57:54] Speaker C: That could be an episode of Wild Birds of the Americas. It might not make it. You know, the. The Wild Birds writers room is actually surprisingly competitive for a show of two episodes.
[00:58:07] Speaker A: Fair enough, but I. Oh, hell. Bird assassination. Yeah, let's. Let's do it. Bird doohickeys.
[00:58:13] Speaker C: It would be one of 300 items on a spreadsheet.
[00:58:17] Speaker D: What about.
[00:58:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I was gonna say I've seen this.
[00:58:19] Speaker D: What about like a. A tie in video game.
[00:58:23] Speaker B: Hell yeah. So let's see. Do we want, let's see an RPG adventure?
[00:58:31] Speaker A: So many dialogue wheels. It's just 90 dialogue wheels.
[00:58:37] Speaker B: Chester A. Arthur's. You can unlock his fighting style, his various fighting styles.
[00:58:44] Speaker A: Just. No, Most of the game is James Garfield in dialogue, dialogue trees. And then like the rest of the game, it's Chester Arthur just, just beaten.
[00:58:56] Speaker C: Ass.
[00:59:00] Speaker A: People up for various bribes and. Or votes.
[00:59:06] Speaker B: You know, if I beat you, you better vote for me next time.
[00:59:10] Speaker A: Again, listeners, Fun, fun. Buying me something that can play video games so that we can see who wins Smash Brothers and make this happen.
[00:59:22] Speaker B: The characters in Death by Lightning should be in Smash Brothers, each with their own special move sets. I could kick. I could kick Chester Arthur's ass with Mr. Gaming Watch. Baby gonna launch sausages on his face.
[00:59:34] Speaker D: Yeah, he would eat them.
[00:59:35] Speaker A: Dang it, I win. He would eat them.
[00:59:38] Speaker D: I'm pretty sure Chester Arthur could eat any number of sausages. You launched at him.
[00:59:45] Speaker A: With a plum. Yes.
[00:59:47] Speaker D: What if, what if we took some people from a more modern era of Ohio politics back in time? The death by lightning scenario, how different, how different would some of these scandals like Roscoe Conkling fooling around with the governor's wife had landed if Jerry Springer, former Ohio mayor, also a host of a TV show that you may have heard of.
[01:00:15] Speaker B: Oh, oh, you mean Family Feud.
[01:00:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that too. Yeah.
[01:00:19] Speaker D: Yeah.
What if, what if you had Jerry Springer in the mix stirring up dirt.
[01:00:26] Speaker B: You are not the father.
[01:00:28] Speaker D: How, how do you think, how do you think the James Garfield election would have gone?
[01:00:32] Speaker C: People do like Jerry Springer. He had a pretty good electoral record.
Yeah, no, I want to say he wasn't. He. We, we want, we love to say 10 years ago, we would have said Jerry Springer was just the man of his time. But let's face it, Jerry Springer show would have been popular anytime in American history.
[01:00:51] Speaker D: Yeah, I think you could take Jerry Springer show back to the 1800s, make it a live show that travels the country. You know, um, see the hilarious Jerry Springer tear apart married families.
[01:01:03] Speaker C: Abraham Lincoln became president off of live shows.
[01:01:07] Speaker D: Yeah, live shows were the shit back then.
[01:01:09] Speaker A: This is true.
And also, live shows involved hand to hand combat.
So, like that, that tracks because, you know, he was a wrestler and Springer, what with the, the hair.
[01:01:22] Speaker D: Yeah. I mean, it would have been even more acceptable for people to slap the shit out of each other on Springer's show back then.
[01:01:28] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. Let's go. Let's ruin some lives. Let's go, baby.
Jerry Springer, the man from Ohio.
[01:01:38] Speaker D: Jerry Springer, the man that young, that guy. AKA the rising of Jerry Springer.
[01:01:47] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[01:01:48] Speaker D: What about, how would John Kasich have done in the James Garfield era of politics? That's a famous Ohio politician.
[01:01:58] Speaker C: It's so funny how little Ohio politics has changed.
As we name all of these Ohio people. Like, you could name Sherrod Brown, you could name Bernie Moreno, you can name any current Ohio or go backwards.
And because of the way that the land is built and structured, just nothing has changed. They would probably all do exactly the same as they do back then.
[01:02:28] Speaker D: I hate to. I hate to say this, but every.
This is not an insult. Okay? To be clear, Ohio, this is not.
[01:02:35] Speaker C: An insult is a great thing to make sure that gets in the description of this show.
That's pretty.
[01:02:42] Speaker D: But. But Sherrod Brown supporters were basically hoping for a James Garfield moment, right? Like if you were a Sherrod Brown supporter back in the election for president.
[01:02:55] Speaker C: Yeah, for Ohio. I don't know if he's ever run for president.
[01:02:59] Speaker D: He didn't officially run. He just hinted that he might see that.
[01:03:03] Speaker C: When he hinted it, I thought he should go for it. It was really the right moment. He really could have. I think he could have just gone to the top right away. The fact that he was. Was too small. Conservative with a C. You know, Ohio's kind of closing up behind you. You see Pete Buttigieg just got in there and got a job. But I guess the Senate is kind of a cushy job and he wants to be there or something.
[01:03:27] Speaker D: You do stay in the Senate forever. You get elected to the Senate and then your election doesn't come up again for fucking six years.
[01:03:35] Speaker C: I think it would have been better for him to have just run for president and pretended to be the Ohio whisperer. I mean, he would have been a better job at it than, like, Tim Ryan would have. And look, now Ohio's potentially going backwards in the other direction. And, you know, it wouldn't have really made a difference to Sherrod Brown's real life. So I hope that he's just happy with whatever his life decision was. But if he really wanted to be president.
Well, actually, I guess he could be doing it now.
[01:04:03] Speaker D: He should have given a fucking James Garfield ass speech. And just if he really wanted to.
[01:04:08] Speaker C: Be president, he could do that to today.
So I guess not.
[01:04:13] Speaker B: I would just like to say I.
Ohio, I do mean this as an insult. There's a reason why Gen Z slaying uses your state as an insult.
Okay, that's on the record.
[01:04:25] Speaker C: I mean it is known that the state is what it is. Even among American state you hate, you're still American. Take pride in that. You know, like they're. They're good.
[01:04:39] Speaker B: Is in your background as two American flags. Flags rise up waving in the wind.
[01:04:43] Speaker C: You've got individual cities. I mean like some of the bands that. That pay to play there.
[01:04:51] Speaker B: The Star Spangled.
[01:04:52] Speaker C: Some of the bands lower their fees to pay their once the Rock and Roll hall of Fame is such an Ohio institution, they the bands have to pay to play there to be inducted.
[01:05:06] Speaker D: That's crazy.
I didn't.
[01:05:08] Speaker C: But many of them do. Many of them.
[01:05:10] Speaker A: That's just honoring the traditions of the music industry as a whole. Okay.
[01:05:15] Speaker C: Many of them do because they're all rich. They all do. Pay it so Ohio don't say we never gave anything to you. They've got a good football team. Everyone roots against them across the country.
Even people who are homers for other franchises won't root for Ohio State.
At least take pride in your own local college.
There has to be something closer to you than Ohio State in the United States for you to care about. So it really is. They really do have a top football program just through force of big Ohio boys. So take pride in that.
[01:05:50] Speaker D: Big Ohio boys.
Now there's a show I'd watch. Big Ohio Boys.
[01:05:57] Speaker C: We'd all watch Big Ohio Boys.
[01:06:01] Speaker D: That could be.
[01:06:02] Speaker A: I'd check out some big Ohio boys.
[01:06:04] Speaker D: You know, it's been a while since Friday Night Lights was on the air. Like, yeah.
[01:06:08] Speaker A: Hey, since we're plugging stuff for ourselves, this whole episode, we're talking about big Ohio boys. Like Jon Moxley, wrestler for all Elite wrestling.
Check out Wednesday night fake fights. Or we talk about him wrestling. Hey, see.
[01:06:19] Speaker C: Hey. He's another these Ohio. Do you know any other Ohio wrestlers?
[01:06:24] Speaker A: Oh, God, too many.
There's quite a few of them, unfortunately. Jerry Lawler.
[01:06:31] Speaker D: They send Barron Trump to Ohio for part of his childhood. Is that how he got so big?
[01:06:36] Speaker A: I don't know. Who knows? Who knows? What devilry, what sorcery that happened.
[01:06:41] Speaker C: The Miz is from Ohio.
Dolph Ziggler's from Ohio. I'm not reading Wikipedia. I just know. I just know who's from Ohio.
[01:06:49] Speaker A: You just know these things. Oh, all of those are making so much sense. Yeah.
[01:06:53] Speaker C: Jessica Havoc is from Ohio.
[01:06:56] Speaker A: That tracks nice.
[01:06:57] Speaker C: I don't know any. I'm sure There are like three others.
[01:07:01] Speaker A: At least, at least three more people from Ohio.
[01:07:05] Speaker D: I'm like 30.
[01:07:08] Speaker C: It's like a way for you to leave.
[01:07:10] Speaker D: Right?
It's a little easier than running for president to become a professional wrestler.
[01:07:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I'd say that. And running for president, you don't have.
[01:07:20] Speaker B: To worry about the electoral college in.
[01:07:22] Speaker C: Wrestling as long as you can generally know.
[01:07:29] Speaker A: Yeah, as long as you can get to the top.
[01:07:33] Speaker D: Would J.D. vance have done in the era of James Garfield?
[01:07:38] Speaker C: Literally exactly the same.
JD Vance fits right in. He fits right in at that convention. He's not any better or worse than any of them. One rich guy supporting Vance at that party and making sure he would definitely be.
[01:07:53] Speaker D: He'd be in the Conkling. He'd be in the Conkling crew.
[01:07:56] Speaker C: Yeah, he's just one of the guys.
[01:07:58] Speaker D: Actually. He probably have been a Democrat at that time.
[01:08:01] Speaker B: Yes, I think they would have. If J.D. vance existed back then, they would have really quickly innovated on photo manipulation so they could change his face.
Like that would have been pretty freaking hard back then. And I think technology would have just, just quickly advanced. That's just something that's going to happen.
[01:08:23] Speaker C: Has anyone asked JD Vance what party he would have been during that time period?
That's above that. That's above the budget of this show.
[01:08:32] Speaker D: Yeah, we gota. We don't have enough money to, to call JD Vance yet.
[01:08:37] Speaker C: We have to look up, we can look up his district.
You could really reverse engineer. You know, there wasn't a Silicon Valley.com call JD Vance.
There wasn't a Silicon Val to sponsor him at this time period.
[01:08:53] Speaker D: Yeah, see, I wonder if he would have been. I wonder if he would have been bullied in this time period because maybe.
[01:08:59] Speaker C: JD Vance is not the man. He's not. Maybe he's not anything if he's on just pure charisma and with no out of state money. I think maybe he's just the guy.
[01:09:10] Speaker D: What if, what if my last one. What if Vivek Ramaswamy goes back at James Garfield's time. But before you answer, before you answer, he still gets to retain all of the lyrics to Eminem songs that he knows.
[01:09:24] Speaker C: Oh, he does really well.
[01:09:27] Speaker A: I.
[01:09:28] Speaker C: How much he gets isekai and you know, really, if he gets isekai, the lyrics of Eminem, he actually. And Vivek's pretty smart. He's going to really think about the flows. He's going to really think about what's happening.
He's gonna be maybe one of the coolest people.
[01:09:48] Speaker D: No, don't. Please don't say that.
[01:09:51] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, for Vivek, he's in an isekai. And think about the fact that he probably got bullied in like late Americans culture, you know, during the time of Saved by the Bell, Vivek Ramaswamy was not cool at all. But imagine if, Imagine if Eminem had come back at that time period and then taken him back to that time period. You know, Vivek would know to start working out. He'd know more about like how to have a diet just from Eminem songs. He learned. He learned a sense of humor. He'd have like 100 great jokes.
Right.
He really takes Eminem seriously. I'm not saying that he'll be a top politician. Although, what if he doesn't?
[01:10:33] Speaker D: What if he doesn't.
[01:10:34] Speaker C: If he wants to, he could.
[01:10:35] Speaker D: What if he doesn't have the knowledge of Eminem lyrics when he goes back?
[01:10:39] Speaker B: You had to know from. Huh?
[01:10:41] Speaker C: If he's. How much knowledge does he have? He's just himself.
[01:10:47] Speaker D: He's just basically.
[01:10:48] Speaker C: Does he know technology?
[01:10:50] Speaker D: No, no, no. He does now. He's not getting any. He's not getting any isekai benefits now with no hacks.
[01:10:57] Speaker C: I don't. I. I think he can become an assistant to a trades business. I think he can be a top level. He can have a job. I think he can talk himself into a job somewhere that's a high level job that he wouldn't have to like be beaten up in the street or anything.
[01:11:16] Speaker A: And he's going to be dealing with like a very weird, confusing kind of racism.
[01:11:21] Speaker C: Yeah, he could just walk around from door to door and say stocks in an energetic tone until he found a business person willing to go enzies with him. I think. I don't think he'd be completely lost to the world. I don't think he'd become a political superpower just because I do find him annoying. But also, there's a whole different world out there. Maybe there's Republican business people who would like the cut of Vivek Ramaswamy's jib.
[01:11:47] Speaker D: Well, I just think, you know, here you heard it, folks, the power of Eminem lyrics.
[01:11:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I think he'd be a totally. If he just. Because I feel like he'd have just. If he really took Eminem back with him, he. I think he'd respect that cultural opportunity enough that he'd become a much cooler person.
[01:12:06] Speaker B: Anybody could be cool if you're isekai'd into the right era. That's the moral of this podcast.
[01:12:12] Speaker C: Yeah. That's actually, you know, that's part of the draw of an isekai show. A person of, like, a low level of coolness who becomes way more cool just because of this situation.
So Vivek Ramaswamy isekai, he could, you know, I don't know if he has a burning passion to be president. Maybe. Actually, that's another thing. We could be underestimating Vivek Ramaswamy's burning passion. Does he really want to be president? Maybe he has the eye of the tiger and he'd start.
I wouldn't want to say. You'll. You'll top out as a finance guy for a used horse dealership. This guy might like, really used.
[01:12:54] Speaker D: Finance guy for a used horse dealership is killing me.
Oh, my God.
[01:13:00] Speaker C: Maybe he just starts slapping himself in the face and starts shaking hands and he's willing to just do whatever it takes. In that case, maybe he just. Maybe he just does it.
[01:13:11] Speaker D: Thousand monkeys at thousand typewriters writes an Eminem song before Eminem exists. Just think about.
[01:13:17] Speaker C: Think about what Vivek Ramaswamy should just know about canvassing.
He should know enough about canvassing to just be better at it than your average dope, even if he's not a full campaign by himself.
[01:13:31] Speaker D: You know, all I can say is that finance guy for a used horse dealership, a great plot point for that young guy.
Wake up, dead young guy.
[01:13:47] Speaker C: A nice out adventure.
[01:13:53] Speaker A: I. I don't think we could.
[01:13:54] Speaker D: I don't.
[01:13:55] Speaker A: On that note, I don't know if we can squeeze any more juice out this lemon. Holy.
[01:14:00] Speaker B: No.
[01:14:00] Speaker D: That's it. That's. That's the episode. Wake up. Wake up, Ed. Young guy.
That's what people were saying to James Garfield. Anyway, Voters at home, thank you for voting along with us. As always, it has been.
[01:14:19] Speaker C: You guys make sure that you guys understand that we don't need a guest to be funny.
[01:14:24] Speaker D: It is, as always, the most important election of your life.
[01:14:29] Speaker C: Don't get it twisted.
[01:14:31] Speaker D: Do not get it twisted. This was.
[01:14:33] Speaker B: I'm twisting it. I'm twisting it. You can't stop me.
[01:14:37] Speaker D: Oh, editor put in a bunch of discord.
[01:14:42] Speaker A: Direct action noises.
[01:14:44] Speaker D: Okay, bye, everybody. We'll vote again with you next time.
[01:14:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:14:48] Speaker C: As James Garfield said, bye. Bye.
