Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Here in this preamble, I must confess. Yeah. That we did. We. We got it wrong.
Oh, we got it wrong, folks, you know, we're taking.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: When we started this show, we all agree that we would never say such a thing.
[00:00:17] Speaker A: I know, I know. And we. We. But we're taking some look backs. We're doing some retrospectives, looking back, looking back at a few episodes that we think deserve a little extra attention in the form of a rerelease. That it?
[00:00:31] Speaker C: But if Francis Ford.
If Francis Ford Coppola taught us anything with Megalopolis is you never apologize for your art, Kennedy.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: Yeah, this. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong, this is still the game of the year edition.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:00:45] Speaker A: Good version of the podcast.
[00:00:48] Speaker D: No, no, no. Kennedy is apologizing for my art. Like what Kennedy did. Perfectly fine, but Kennedy's apologizing.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Yeah, that's fine.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
I'm afraid I. I have to confess that we were wrong. We thought that Linda McMahon was gonna be one of the worst things to happen in. In. In the federal government.
You know, she's not in the top 25 right now. I.
[00:01:16] Speaker C: Sweet summer children. Yeah, no, I'm currently recording this under occupation. Hello.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: We. Yeah, we thought that Linda McMahon would be all over the news for ignoring school shootings, but it turns out the whole country's ignoring school shootings.
[00:01:39] Speaker D: Remember the simpler times of 2025?
[00:01:42] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus. Jesus, fuck.
[00:01:45] Speaker D: I'm going back in time and giving myself an early 2025, this recording. So they will just be dead inside.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: You guys. You guys think school shootings are gonna make the news in 2026?
[00:02:02] Speaker A: Get real, people.
[00:02:04] Speaker D: Oh, no. Let's go back to the beginning of 2025 and tell them that there's gonna be a Muslim socialist mayor of New York City.
[00:02:13] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:02:14] Speaker D: They'll be like, oh, nothing stays credible.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: That wouldn't have shocked me back then. Okay, when you think about. If you just use the phrase disgraced Mayor Andrew, disgraced former Governor Andrew Cuomo's in the running, I'd be able to take on a lot of possibilities for who gets elected over that guy.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: You got.
[00:02:34] Speaker B: You got long time on the record haters of that guy.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: Hey, two years ago, they really overestimated how much they could push that. That turd on us. But actually, everybody just said no. And by everybody, I don't. You know, I.
I'm not taking credit, obviously, in any real tangible way or anything. I'm just saying that across the nation, everyone stood up and said, new York, you can't elect Andrew Cuomo will Kill you.
[00:03:07] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Not again. It's not.
Secession is on the fucking table.
And again, you know they'll do it.
I am no longer my. The. I live in the glorious beautiful nation in Minnesota. Now sovereign. They cut us off from the Fed, so, you know, it can happen for you too. It sucks more than it sounds.
[00:03:32] Speaker D: I can't believe New York City is under communist role right now. And Zoron. Ma', am, Danny is doing terrible things like adding more public restrooms.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I. I just can't believe that this horrible socialist is putting bathrooms places. That's so.
[00:03:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: Get a grip. Get a life. Get a job. What are you doing?
[00:03:59] Speaker D: I'm installing
[00:04:02] Speaker B: New York. It's not too late to turn back from this path. Take all of your toilets and stop using them and you'll be back to a free society asap.
[00:04:12] Speaker D: Go back to the era where we all pooped on the street.
You don't believe me? There is an era where we all pooped on the street.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: Yep. Look it up.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: So Cuomo, 2032. A handful of poop on every corner.
Yeah.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: You know, part of why we're not doing a great job of introducing this episode well is because the guest was Ella, and so, you know, brought the guest back.
[00:04:39] Speaker D: How did we schedule this? You're amazing, Ella. How'd you get yourself here?
[00:04:43] Speaker A: Yeah, Ella had to email herself several times.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Ella had to get in line, tell themselves to get in line, then stay there.
[00:04:51] Speaker C: And then.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: So a lot was going on.
[00:04:53] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, get in line, stay in
[00:04:55] Speaker B: line, let yourself through the line. There's a lot going on.
[00:04:59] Speaker D: The stance I have always held on the show is get in line and stay in line. And I've never deviated from the stance that's.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: It's so great that you are consistent like that. I just want to put that out there.
[00:05:11] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Consistently.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: I also just want to say while we're putting things on the record, that we love the Hatch act.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Anyway, you can't.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: You can never say that we didn't.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: Yeah, you can never say that we didn't because we. We've put it on record many times.
This was a fun episode.
This was like our, I think, our first guest list episode, technically.
[00:05:41] Speaker D: I mean, we considered it a guest episode.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Like, we considered it like Ella was a guest. But I'm just saying from the perspective of the modern perspective.
[00:05:50] Speaker D: Yeah, it's guess from modern times for modern audience.
[00:05:54] Speaker A: You know, occasionally we write an episode that we are like, you know, we'll just keep this one internal for various reasons.
Maybe, you know, I mean, honestly, a lot of times it's just because we've come up with an interesting idea, but we haven't actually had a guest like, take interested in or things like that. And we just don't want to sit around and wait. Like, sometimes we'll have an idea for a topic and we'll literally just throw it in the, in the vault. Yeah, like, okay, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll save those jokes for when somebody actually requests, you know, whatever the topic is. And you can take your pick. Right. Yeah.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: The WWE archives will be back in the Disney vault forever and we do the same thing.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:06:37] Speaker C: Yeah.
I'm so sad.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: I hope that you live.
Yeah. If, if you listen to these episodes while we were on Peacock, then congratulations. You experienced the rare moment in history.
[00:06:52] Speaker A: Okay, we've got a new series coming soon. To Quibi. Wait, what'd you say?
What'd you say? Hold on, I'm getting an update.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: This show would be great.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: No, no,
[00:07:06] Speaker D: no. What happened?
Oh, no.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: Whenever the phrase quibby is followed by oh, no, you know where this is going?
[00:07:19] Speaker A: I'm sorry.
[00:07:19] Speaker D: What happened to our spin off series,
[00:07:21] Speaker C: what's on the ballot?
[00:07:23] Speaker D: What happened to our spin off series, what's on the ballot?
[00:07:27] Speaker B: This was actually our spin off series for, for the English market. I think it was called Queue up or something. We were all talking and I think we got like, like some very harsh emails from the British Defamation League.
It just. The legal costs started piling up.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: It was tough. Our real mistake, see, was we. We tried to imitate upper class British accents. We should have gone for cockney then they couldn't have defended themselves.
[00:07:52] Speaker D: Look, I know you all are defending me. You're taking the heat. It was me. They heard my British accent and then they just had to say no. I appreciate you all taking the heat. I know it's my fault.
[00:08:04] Speaker B: I think we started talking about voting and they started feeling regretful about Brexit. They haven't gone back to voting since. They're like, this voting thing is a quite terrible idea.
[00:08:15] Speaker C: Yeah, quiet. And we haven't forgiven you for the space Brexit episode.
[00:08:20] Speaker A: They Brexited themselves and then they were like, all right, we're going back to monarchy.
[00:08:25] Speaker D: I mean, to be fair, it was kind of rubbing it on their face to have a US candidate on the Brexit episode. Like, oh, look at who we got running.
[00:08:34] Speaker C: Oh, look, a competent politician. How dare you.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Listen, I'll have a person from Britain on as soon as we can find a person from Britain that knows about politics.
[00:08:46] Speaker C: Yeah. Or is.
[00:08:48] Speaker D: Too bad there's nobody in Britain who knows about politics.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: Too bad there's nobody like that.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: It's a big island. The search continues.
[00:08:55] Speaker C: Too bad there's no people in British politics who are willing to hang out in a voice chat with a couple of trans people.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: You know, I mean, it's not their fault. Okay? It's not their fault. They did get. 28 years later, they got. They got quarantined from the rest of the world and it's zombie times there now. So. Yeah, that, that movie. You probably thought that movie was fiction. It's a documentary.
That's just how. That's just how they're living.
[00:09:26] Speaker B: Since it's kind of hilarious that the Linda McMahon episode just ends with us just taking a big dump on England. There's some British. We've got a British person watching this and going, what's on?
[00:09:38] Speaker D: I love his family.
[00:09:40] Speaker C: Anyways, this is the Adams family versus wrestling politicians. Yeah.
Ring the bell. Ring the bell.
[00:09:47] Speaker D: Ding, ding.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: Now wait a minute. Now wait a minute.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Today we're diving into the bizarre bizarro world of wrestlers turned politicians. A rogue gallery of extreme views, lockstep loyalty to a megalomaniacal boss, and policy positions that sound like they were written with a steel chair to the head. From Cain, the fire breathing bigot in a mayor's seat, to Jesse Ventura, rewriting the script on governance, these characters took their backstage drama straight into the real world. But there's a twist. There's another group that's just like them, equally extreme, equally loyal, and maybe even more unhinged. Who are they? Stick around and find out. This is the most important election of our lifetime.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: This election which will be, I do truly believe, the most important election of our lifetime.
[00:10:30] Speaker C: This is the most important election of our lifetime.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: This is the most important election. Don't you you hear that?
[00:10:38] Speaker B: This is the most important election in our lifetime.
[00:10:42] Speaker A: I certainly think it's the most important election of my lifetime.
This is the most important election of our times.
[00:10:49] Speaker C: Politicians say every time, this is the most important election.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: This one's really that important.
[00:10:54] Speaker A: It's important every day to. To take a moment to consider our civic responsibility within a democratic society.
[00:11:04] Speaker D: What are you talking about?
[00:11:07] Speaker A: Function. How do we keep a democracy alive? It's through active, rigorous, non stop, constant, unending participation in the system. I am of course referring to the need for you to vote.
[00:11:23] Speaker C: Today I got my ballots. See this ballot? I got another ballot.
Made I got ballots. Gotta vote.
[00:11:35] Speaker D: You in the audience right now.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: Vote vot.
[00:11:39] Speaker C: Never not voting.
[00:11:41] Speaker B: You see, I, I was under the impression that really our civic responsibility was an endless performance where we simply find a crowd of people, we yell contradictory slogans, we change our perspectives. Once every three to six months, we rile up the ignorant to sell them really cheap products like Stacker 2 and, you know, and whoever sells the most cheap like T shirts and merch, wins. And even though their victories aren't really real, their hollow victories staged in order to keep the circus running. Is that, is that not what we're doing here?
[00:12:23] Speaker D: No, no, no, no.
[00:12:24] Speaker C: That's professional wrestling.
[00:12:25] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:12:28] Speaker D: I have a chart for this situation. When you vote, line goes up. Stalks line goes, stocks, goes up. When you vote.
[00:12:38] Speaker A: That checks out actually.
It is once again the most important election of our, of our lives. We have a very, a nice cozy episode tonight. I'm Kennedy Cooper. I'm here as always. We've got Brandon Buchanan.
[00:12:52] Speaker C: Hi.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: We've got our in house statistician, Andrew Fields.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Andrew, you've, you've played with that kazoo more than you've brought up any stats so far. Listen, listen, we're going to be on.
[00:13:05] Speaker A: Let me show you the chart.
[00:13:07] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:13:08] Speaker C: Every single time I have to ask myself, do I add the noise in to vindicate it? Or, or is that giving?
Or is that giving, Andre?
Am I feeding the problem?
[00:13:19] Speaker A: If I do, I just like that we have a real trained, employed in a serious job statistician who holds up a chart that just has a line going up on it. It helps on this show on a regular basis. I think that's really important. No, and of course, if you really,
[00:13:37] Speaker B: really think about it, if you really think about it, this is more of an investment into journalism than most journalistic entities in America right now.
[00:13:48] Speaker C: As someone who speaks to a lot of journalists. Yes. That they would attest to that as well.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: We have a stats guy look at our notes before we bring the show live.
I, I mean like we joke about, you know, oh, he's just here to hold the pom poms. But like we do have a stats guy help us with our, our research and look at our notes.
That is literally more journalistic integrity than just an incredible number of legitimate journalism outfits.
[00:14:22] Speaker D: Problem is like you actually listen to me, some, some of the frustration on the research side is we say our stuff and journalists like to slim through it and abbreviate things. You actually all listen to me and
[00:14:39] Speaker A: I love, love to learn. If you come in and you tell us something we don't know, we just go, oh, cool.
[00:14:44] Speaker D: Hey, let me te Bayesian statistics right now.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: Okay, cool.
[00:14:51] Speaker C: It.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: It helps that we don't have a financial incentive to not be interested in numbers.
[00:14:57] Speaker D: Let me give you a number.
[00:14:59] Speaker A: Right?
[00:14:59] Speaker D: 23. Bam. There you go.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: Wow. See, this is what we pay this guy for. All right.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: And finally.
[00:15:07] Speaker A: And finally, you've already heard. You've already heard this lovely voice. In fact, you may have heard this lovely voice before. On Monday night, Fake Fights, a wonderful podcast about wrestling.
A. From a queer outsider goofball lens got Garrick here from Monday night.
Our wonderful friend, one of our. One of our best friends. Also, I think I'm. I have to disclose this for anti nepotism laws or whatever. The editor of this show.
[00:15:42] Speaker C: Yes, yes, that's how nepotism works.
[00:15:47] Speaker B: However.
[00:15:47] Speaker C: However, I had many episodes in. I was like, you know what? I have notes.
I got things I'm gonna have to say, so you might as well just have me on.
But yes, thank you very much, I do.
[00:16:00] Speaker B: That's how nepotism works. More jobs and less money. That is the dictionary definition.
[00:16:06] Speaker C: I. I spend at least once a week talking about wrestling. I am professional wrestling, so I am no stranger to nepotism. The whole thing runs on it.
Also, Andrew, you gave me a random number of 23. First thing my brain said, well, well, WrestleMania 23. I'm pretty sure that's the one with Donald Trump versus Vince McMahon. Hair versus hair match.
[00:16:30] Speaker D: See, that's the power of being a statistician, you know, and you.
[00:16:36] Speaker C: And. And wrestling, much like politics, like, you can't step into one without stepping in the other, if.
If you know what I mean.
So true.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: So true.
[00:16:48] Speaker C: Yeah, it makes sense.
And also, I like to kind of say to what Brandon said earlier, politics is like wrestling in that two teams are pretending to fight each other, and at the end of it, somehow Vince McMahon makes money.
And that's all you really have to know.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: And that's just incredibly literal in our current era for all of us.
Yeah, today we're talking about wrestlers in. Politics is one of our topics.
And you might be wondering, you have a second topic you've already covered. Real life and fiction in one topic.
We do have a second topic today, and we'll get there.
But, uh, in the meantime, um, it's. It's interesting how many wrestlers have forayed into politics in some fashion.
I think the one that it comes to everyone's mind right away is, of course, Jesse Ventura. But, yeah, the body he's not our only guy by a long shot. In fact, I wrote down a few names. But, Garrick, I feel like if I just let you rattle off a list of wrestlers in politics, it's going to be much more complete than my list. Even so, I'm gonna let you take the floor for a second, all right?
[00:18:13] Speaker C: I'm not even gonna give you a full list because I, A, don't know them and B, it would be too long.
Let's go categories, shall we, kids currently serving in office.
You got two just in Japan.
Hiroshi Hasi is a governor in the Ishikawa prefecture. And, uh, Hiroku Suzuki is, uh, on the Funabashi city council.
So that's just in Japan.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: Do we know Hiroko Suzuki? What? What's his. Is this her? Is he related to. Oh, so this was. Are they related to Kenzo Suzuki and that whole 2004 smackdown? What? Who is this guy?
[00:18:53] Speaker C: Who is this?
[00:18:54] Speaker B: Who is this woman?
[00:18:57] Speaker C: The geisha valet, translator for real life husband Kenzo Suzuki on WWE Smackdown. Brand.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: So you're not the only one with a deepening.
[00:19:07] Speaker C: That's a deep cut, Brandon. I am in fact impressed.
[00:19:11] Speaker B: She feuded with Tori Wilson when she was enslaved by this guy. Or vice versa.
[00:19:16] Speaker C: Oh, my God, it was. That's outside of the remit of our show. Believe it or not. Believe it or not. We're just covering the Monday night wars at Monday night Fake fights. And it gets worse. That's why I stopped watching other famous people who are currently in office that everyone thinks of. Kane.
Glenn Jacobs, Mayor Kane, as we like to call him, is the mayor of Knox County, Tennessee, and a mega transphobe bigot piece of. So.
[00:19:44] Speaker D: Yeah,
[00:19:47] Speaker C: yeah, he was one of my favorites as a kid. So that was a real. Oh, no, that was a real rawling to the balls. You know, it's wonderful. One that did surprise me. Current commentator on Ring of Honor and sometimes aew. And one of my favorites to do it. Ian Riccabani is, I guess is on the school board of Salisbury Township School district. And that warms my heart.
But more importantly, famous ones in history besides local legend. Jesse Venture, governor of Minnesota, but first mayor of Brooklyn Park.
Oh, God, you got Abraham Lincoln. Probably the. The highest office held in. In. In America.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: You know what? That's such a good take. People forget that Abraham Lincoln was a.
He was a guy who could throw down and put you in the mud.
[00:20:39] Speaker C: He worked what was.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: He was known for it.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: He worked what was called catches. Catch can wrestling, which is the Big precursor of what is modern pro wrestling, American styles style. So I can't speak to, I mean, he, he was, did it.
[00:20:59] Speaker D: He laid us.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: We know he was enough of a pro wrestler that he did promos and worked crowd.
[00:21:07] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: That makes you a real wrestler.
[00:21:09] Speaker D: So.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: Yeah. So, like, I don't know if his matches were worked or, or shoots where they were actually fighting or they were predetermined, but he was absolutely working crowds and cutting promos, which back in the day was part of it. Whether you're a worker, look at ufc, they get out there, cut promos and, and drop slurs and do. And like, that's what they do. So, like, he absolutely counts.
But then, you know, Antonio Inoki is one of the more famous ones. He, he was on Japanese House of Counselors and is like the biggest name in Japan.
Jim Barnett, who started the nwa, was on the National Council of Arts, which is ridiculous.
The one that surprised me. B. Brian Blair. Not a lot. That's a deep cut as far as a wrestler too. That's weird.
But then my favorite is the people who ran unsuccessfully.
[00:22:03] Speaker D: That's more interesting, actually.
[00:22:06] Speaker C: Bob Backland actually ran in 2000 for the United States House of Representatives after doing it as a bit of. For like six years.
[00:22:17] Speaker B: Was, was this, was Backland just a sacrificial lamb?
Was he competitive or, I mean, he must have been over the hill by the time.
[00:22:27] Speaker C: I don't think, I don't think he, he garnered much. And I think I, I, I don't think Vince wanted him to do it. I think Bob Backland is just actually kind of like that.
And we all like somewhere. He, he lives somewhere in, I think like New Hampshire or Vermont or something like that. And he's just. Someone has to go to the grocery store and see that guy. And that's terrifying.
[00:22:53] Speaker B: And, and for the purposes of anybody listening to this, you know, all pro wrestlers are MAGA unless specifically stated as otherwise.
[00:23:01] Speaker C: Yeah, we have a.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: And not just Republican, not just like Marco Rubio, not whoever you're John Kasich. Like, boy, they're, they're
[00:23:15] Speaker D: good.
[00:23:15] Speaker C: John, John Cena, special case. John Cena is a Stepford wife is what I have to say. John Cena is a sleeper agent for whoever says his activation word first. And that's terrifying because, uh, the person who put the most work into it is Vince McMahon. So we'll see.
But to, to round it, to round it out very people. Yeah. Jer. Jerry. Jerry Lawler ran for mayor of Memphis twice. That was never going to go good. For legal reasons, Rhino, which kind of freaks me out, ran for the Michigan House of Representatives. That's a terrifying thought.
[00:23:52] Speaker D: Wait, is his name literally Rhino?
[00:23:55] Speaker C: No, I forget his actual name. I.
[00:23:58] Speaker D: Well, I'm just thinking the acronym Republican in name Rhino.
[00:24:03] Speaker C: Oh, that's amazing. Holy.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: That amazing.
[00:24:07] Speaker C: No wonder he lost.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: Rhino was definitely not a Rhino.
[00:24:12] Speaker C: Yeah, no, he looks more like a Duck Dynasty guy. But, yeah, sure enough, it's always involved. Plus you have the people who just say they did. And the fact that kayfabe is basically how politics is just works now. So it's all enmeshed. Everyone should check out Josie Rman's book Ringmaster. It kind of lays it all out and it's terrifying. But, yeah, needless to say, there's a lot of overlap here. Kennedy to. To. To pull from Garrick.
[00:24:43] Speaker A: Are there.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: And this may be a weird sidebar, but it may be funny. Are there characters who have pretended to be politicians as a gimmick?
[00:24:52] Speaker C: Oh, God.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: We haven't thought of.
[00:24:54] Speaker C: I mean, probably did it probably more than I can even think of.
I mean, the obvious is backland.
Hulk Hogan.
Hulk Hogan went in, went into business for himself on a talk show once or twice and floated that he was going to run for president because he was pissed that. That Jesse Ventura won his governorship, saying, no, you can't do that. But it was such that it doesn't even show up in any of the Wikipedia articles because, like, it was just. He just said it like twice. And no one ever. No one. Nothing was ever filed.
He just. It says no sometimes Terry just says.
But no, I mean, there's been several that, that. I mean, JBL in his later years was kind of a Fox News oil baron politician guy. Like, several. It's always been a one that they can go to for a cheap. A cheap get. You know, like, it's cheap heat when it comes down to it.
[00:25:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, you know, wrestling, in some ways, it's a. It's kind of like a family.
[00:26:01] Speaker C: Oh, very.
[00:26:02] Speaker A: It's a family. It's a family full of weird, kooky characters.
Sometimes it's kind of a toxic feeling family, kind of a problem family.
But at the end of the day, they stick together.
They, they. They look out for each other and they, they, they, you know, they, they always have each other's backs. You know who else? The family that's a lot like that. The Adams family. Our second topic today is the Adams family.
[00:26:38] Speaker C: I'm into it.
[00:26:40] Speaker A: Garrick, what's your relationship to the Adams family?
[00:26:43] Speaker C: I'm for them. I. I love the Addams Family. I've always loved the Adams family.
Holy. I am so there. Adams family, the films and M's family values, all those was some of my earliest understandings of camp, which really.
That and the occasional John Waters on Comedy Central that I would catch really warped my. My fragile little mind. So. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, let's go.
[00:27:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Something I grew up with as well. What about. What about the rest of our panel here? Andrew, Brandon, Any. Any Adams.
[00:27:17] Speaker D: I'm the stats guy, so of course I know how to. Adam. Yeah.
[00:27:24] Speaker B: Garrick, you've got full liberty to put any sound effects that.
Any.
[00:27:32] Speaker D: Like, I want to make it clear.
[00:27:34] Speaker A: Maybe. Maybe a car.
I was thinking like, you know, screeching tires.
[00:27:42] Speaker C: Oh, I.
[00:27:43] Speaker A: Metal.
[00:27:44] Speaker C: I. I have.
I have several. I have several.
Several things that might work.
[00:27:51] Speaker A: What about that sound when people leave a discord call?
[00:27:59] Speaker C: We're losing people
[00:28:03] Speaker D: Anyways.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: Brandon, do you have any emotional.
[00:28:07] Speaker B: No. So let's see.
I definitely saw the movie. I definitely remember the song.
I definitely watched enough of it to know all of the members of the. The Addams Family.
It wasn't my number one fandom growing up, but, like, yeah, I. I think everybody, that that movie was a huge hit when I was a kid.
[00:28:31] Speaker D: Yeah, I think it's very depressing knowing that the Addams Family was the opposite, like, emotions at the time and the two parents are deeply in love with each other. That's a little depressing.
Like, that was a subversion of expectations. The fact that the two are so
[00:28:47] Speaker C: deeply in love, they're the final.
Like, are they okay. Heterop couple? Like, they're the only hetero couple that has ever been. Okay, yes.
[00:28:56] Speaker D: That's kind of depressing.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: I mean, arguably, they're two bisexuals in a straight passing relationship, which. Let's not get into that.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Okay.
They are correct. They are right to say it. Yes.
[00:29:14] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, when we were thinking about who do we. Who do we turn to if we're gonna match up these real world wrestlers, these larger than life characters, these ride or die, who will just, you know, bury the bodies with each other? Who can we compare them to in the world of fiction? And the answer we came to was naturally, the Addams Family. A family that also very literally buries the bodies together in some of the episodes and movies.
[00:29:47] Speaker C: Both. Both full of people who have done alleged crimes. Yes.
[00:29:51] Speaker A: Yes.
So we're gonna do a couple of political scenarios matching up some members of the Adams family with some of these wrestlers that we've mentioned. Oh, there's plenty starting. Starting with now.
John Cena. Technically, I don't think he has run for office, but I wanted to include him anyway. I wanted to start with a hot. A hot pick. Gomez Adams vs. John Cena for the governor of Florida, let's say, in 2004.
What do you think?
[00:30:31] Speaker D: I mean, obviously, John Cena would lose because you can't see him on the ballot. Yeah.
[00:30:35] Speaker C: Oh, God. I really hate to give you that one, Andrew, but I'm gonna.
[00:30:40] Speaker B: No, you.
[00:30:41] Speaker A: You can't.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: You can't see him, but you can definitely see his name written down.
Or else how else would you buy merchandise?
You can definitely see a T shirt of John Cena.
[00:30:52] Speaker C: And look, some people might love that in a politician. What's better in a politician that gets stuff done and you never have to see him. They're just working. They're not out doing their.
So, yeah, no, that works for him. But however, Gomez Adams, circa 2004, in February, Florida, this was. That might be.
[00:31:10] Speaker B: Yeah, this wasn't a good time for.
[00:31:15] Speaker C: I. I don't know, because, like, he. Because. All right, look, are you go. Gomez and Morticia are very clearly involved in, let's say, the lifestyle. You know who else is a lot of weird old people who visit Florida. So, like, he might get. He might pull in some votes from the. The.
[00:31:35] Speaker A: Oh, so you think he's gonna be. He's gonna be. It's gonna be kind of like a Lauren Bo.
[00:31:41] Speaker C: I think he's gonna pull in some of the freaky sex vote. Yeah. Like, him and Morticia would definitely throw down at the Beetlejuice musical.
[00:31:48] Speaker D: Come on.
[00:31:50] Speaker C: I mean, that's.
[00:31:51] Speaker A: I think Gomez and Morticia Adams are just banned from darkened rooms.
Darkened public rooms. On principle.
[00:31:59] Speaker C: Oddly. Oddly enough, they can't go to wrestling shows either. It's really. It works for Cena's. Cena's advantage there.
I don't know. I could say a lot about John Cena.
[00:32:11] Speaker B: So we are talking about. I. I just feel like John Cena. We're talking about the Marine. That's during that time period.
[00:32:21] Speaker C: That's the thing is, we're talking 2004 John Cena. Correct. Are we talking modern John?
[00:32:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:27] Speaker C: Or 2000.
[00:32:27] Speaker A: Yeah. No.
[00:32:28] Speaker B: 2004 John scene.
[00:32:32] Speaker C: Gomez gets. Gomez has got 10% of the vote.
[00:32:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:38] Speaker C: No, no. John Cena is the Marine at this point. Like, it's. It's after. Because he started out as, like, white dude rapper. Well, he started out as the prototype, and he was just gonna be like this wrestler guy, but he. They Found out he could. He could, like, halfway rap. So they're like, all right, we're doing this. And that worked for a while.
[00:32:59] Speaker B: Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie McMahon actually never heard rap before
[00:33:05] Speaker C: in her entire life.
[00:33:08] Speaker B: She thought this guy had invented a new genre of music on the spot. Have y' all seen Back to the Future?
Dad, you've got to hear this.
[00:33:19] Speaker C: And he walks in. In the do rag. Like, yeah. Oh, God, Vince. There were signs, but, yeah, like, she. She. Yes, she absolutely never heard rap before. She's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. According to the. That's the official lore, because that's the thing I said before. John Cena is a Manchurian thing that just. Whoever says his word is going to activate him. He played one of those in a independent film where he played a Manchurian centrist. I wish I was making this up.
[00:33:49] Speaker A: And he.
[00:33:50] Speaker B: Not only did he play that, he was like a producer. He was part of the. He was like. He got, like, story credit for it.
[00:33:57] Speaker C: Him.
[00:33:57] Speaker B: And it's like a role that he picked and wanted him.
[00:34:00] Speaker C: And him and the Rock are like, we could be president as centrists who are really just Republicans, which, let's face it, that's a centrist. So, like, yeah, like, they are the. If will Stancil, like, had gains, you know, like, that would be the.
Like, the Rocket John Cena, basically, I'm
[00:34:22] Speaker D: canceling you for making me think about.
[00:34:25] Speaker C: Get in line, Andrew. Get in line.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: Stupid, sexy Stancil.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: I'm so think there is an election, a place in time where Gomez Adams could beat John Cena.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: No, we've got to look for. We've got to look for a way for John Cena to lose.
[00:34:52] Speaker D: A little.
John Cena had a little controversy in 2021 when it seemed like he acknowledged Taiwan as a country. I don't know if that's anything.
[00:35:02] Speaker C: You know, he had a little bit of that also. He will never distance himself from Vince McMahon, who is the greatest monster in history.
Basically, he is unable to distance himself from that man. It's in his programming. So, like, that. That is a pro. That's why I'm saying is you have to pick the right time. And I think it was maybe three years ago, right around, like, right before the. Vince hit real hard again. And we all kind of just knew it.
We were. It was Biden's America was gonna be Harris's America. Everyone was going to continue to be allowed to be just trans enough. And, like, it was going to be fantastic. And you. He could have taken Cena with the. The Vince baggage and Gomez being a weird little sex freak and everyone having this resurgence of being allowed to, like, actually explore sexuality for the first time. He would get a lot of Gen Z, I think, also goth. Also, the Wicked, the Wednesday movie, came out. So, like, he has a famous daughter who has a working relationship with Tim Burton.
[00:36:14] Speaker B: Like, maybe he's also.
He's also funded by Tony Khan.
[00:36:19] Speaker D: Yeah, exactly.
[00:36:23] Speaker B: All kinds of money to this guy.
[00:36:25] Speaker C: Tony Khan's father donates his mustache to him for. For every.
Every performance. So, like, yeah, it. It really works out.
[00:36:34] Speaker B: Where is this? Where. But I don't know if Florida's the anywhere. There must be somewhere in America where Gomez would have a shot.
[00:36:42] Speaker C: Not. Not Florida.
[00:36:44] Speaker B: Not Florida ever.
[00:36:46] Speaker C: Not Florida.
[00:36:46] Speaker A: Yeah, we've got a win where Gomez could maybe win. What about a.
[00:36:52] Speaker C: Where.
[00:36:53] Speaker B: Oh, is there a California State house race? Is there a.
[00:36:58] Speaker C: You know what?
[00:36:59] Speaker B: Vermont?
[00:36:59] Speaker C: You know what?
[00:37:00] Speaker B: Is there a. I'm.
[00:37:01] Speaker C: I'm gonna pull the. The local angle here. I bet you that I could. I personally could get Gomez Adams elected mayor. Minneapolis. I would love to do that three years ago. Please. I could take him out. He. He could take out Jacob Fry. Absolutely.
[00:37:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I think John Cena could. Could blow that race.
[00:37:19] Speaker C: Yeah, he could blow that race easily. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, John Cena is just Jacob Fry again with gains.
So, like,
[00:37:28] Speaker A: Jacob Fry with gains.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: Why was Gaines as a formidable opponent?
[00:37:34] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:37:35] Speaker B: No, Jacob Fry with Gaines is a. Is not asleep on.
[00:37:38] Speaker C: You know, as far as far as all the things that came out of the petri dish, the. The Jacob Fries, the. And. And the various other guys that just are him.
Your booted judges, your. Your. Your betos.
Like he with gains is the scariest because I've seen the fact that that man has no soul.
So that is terrifying.
So, yes, maybe. Maybe.
[00:38:02] Speaker B: But I think.
[00:38:02] Speaker C: I think Gomez could eke it out here. I really do.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: Now let's go in the opposite direction. Rhino. Not a guy.
Not a guy that's universally beloved like John Cena. Not a successful politician. Could he be.
[00:38:18] Speaker B: Not that successful as a wrestler.
[00:38:20] Speaker D: No. No.
[00:38:22] Speaker C: He did two or three things real well.
[00:38:28] Speaker A: Cousin it in a state house race. This is the. This is the mop of parent with a hat.
The.
[00:38:36] Speaker B: The Addams Family will be really pushing cousin it. They're all gonna be working overtime to get cousin it in there.
[00:38:45] Speaker C: But is he like their cousin of the Kennedy family, where it's like, we gotta give him1, too?
[00:38:51] Speaker B: RFK is in the cabinet. It's just everyone's. This is this Is the year of the weird cousin.
If RFK can get. It can be the Director of Health and Human Services.
Surely, Cousin, it can be a state
[00:39:09] Speaker C: house rep. Oh, all right. Okay. But which state?
Is my next question.
[00:39:14] Speaker B: Almost any Democratic state would pick cousin it over Rhino.
[00:39:18] Speaker C: I was gonna say, because. Rhino.
[00:39:20] Speaker B: Virginia.
[00:39:21] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:39:23] Speaker A: Where would the election come down?
[00:39:25] Speaker C: The closest, probably Virginia.
[00:39:28] Speaker B: I'm picking the mo.
[00:39:29] Speaker A: The heart.
[00:39:30] Speaker B: The. The hardest one, I think.
[00:39:31] Speaker C: Yeah, that.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: That would be, I believe.
Yeah. Virginia is there. Yeah. Virginia.
[00:39:38] Speaker C: I think Virginia. I think Virginia would be a squeaker because he has the family behind him. And. And like, that. I feel like that would really go for it. But also, I can't stress enough. Rhino looks like a duck dynasty guy.
[00:39:51] Speaker A: I think Arizona would be a coin toss for this election.
[00:39:54] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:39:57] Speaker B: But Arizona is a coin toss for anything or anyone.
[00:40:01] Speaker C: All right, but can you imagine how sweaty cousin it would get? Like, that's not okay. Like, that he would be leaking like Giuliani.
[00:40:10] Speaker A: Yeah, that cousin it. In that. In that heat.
Meanwhile, Arizona loves that.
Arizona loves a guy that looks like a duck dynasty guy.
[00:40:19] Speaker C: Yeah, this is true.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: But have you seen Rhino's hair? He's not doing great in the heat either. No, he's gonna be just as wet as cousin is.
[00:40:27] Speaker C: He is a wet guy. Yeah, he's very wet all the time.
[00:40:30] Speaker A: What if we put both of them in Louisiana for the ultimate wet election?
[00:40:36] Speaker C: Rhino.
Rhino. Rhino. Rhino is practically an alligator.
Rhino.
[00:40:42] Speaker B: Rhino's a real maga. He's gonna know all of the. He's gonna say they're putting. Democrats are inventing hurricanes.
[00:40:50] Speaker C: Yeah, no, he'd be.
[00:40:50] Speaker B: He.
[00:40:51] Speaker C: He would Marcane it. He would do the Glenn Jacobs. Yeah, but.
[00:40:54] Speaker A: But most. Most states. Cousin, it wins.
[00:40:57] Speaker C: Most states. I'd say more than half. More than half. Cousin it wins. But Rhino. Rhino's making a play in. In the south in certain red districts, basically. I think it would. It would come down pretty close nationwide, but I think cousin it would take it. Sorry, Rhino.
[00:41:13] Speaker B: Nationwide. That's real tough.
[00:41:15] Speaker D: It's on your side.
[00:41:16] Speaker B: America thought they had hard choices with Trump and Biden.
[00:41:23] Speaker C: This would be like a Trump Harris squeaker. Yeah.
[00:41:29] Speaker A: All right, I want you to imagine now it's the year 2000. Who does Beyonce endorsing?
Cousin It.
[00:41:36] Speaker B: Right?
[00:41:36] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah. The cousin with the good hair. Yeah.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: You're tuned in to Ghost Coast Studios, the world's first and only podcast network built for creators, activists, and entrepreneurs with something to say.
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We're here to bring your ideas to life.
Ready for more. Head to Ghost coast video for shows that matter, tools to help you create, and a community that's totally redefining what a podcast network can be. Ghost Coast Studios, meet your dreams.
All right, now imagine it's the year 2000.
[00:42:20] Speaker D: I'm there.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: Primaries. The primaries are over.
It's the general election, and up for president, you have Democrat Ric Flair versus the Republican Lurch.
[00:42:38] Speaker C: Holy.
First of all. First of all, you're gonna have to flip those, like, in reality.
[00:42:45] Speaker A: No, no, no. I'm sure about this.
[00:42:48] Speaker C: Okay. Well, I mean, he's the dirtiest player in the game, and in.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: In a Democrat, specifically, because it's the year 2000. In 2016, they'd be running on the opposite.
[00:42:57] Speaker C: Yeah. No, okay, okay, you're right. You're right.
[00:42:59] Speaker B: 2000, we say Rick Al Gore not only couldn't win his home state in the general, he's losing all across the south, you know, okay, but Rick's.
[00:43:09] Speaker C: But Rick's taking that because when it comes down to a Democrat or Republican in the Carolinas, in that general area of the south, that does not matter, because it is horseman country.
Like, flare, flare, flare, flare.
[00:43:26] Speaker B: I think. I think that. And. And honestly, 2000 is one of the last times in American history that that. That kind of guy is gonna really make way, you know, Bill Clinton's president.
[00:43:38] Speaker C: Yeah. And, you know, Rick, Ric Flair could have. Could have turned the entire south blue.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Lurch is talking about.
[00:43:46] Speaker B: While saying the nword.
[00:43:48] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They couldn't stop him. They kept trying.
[00:43:51] Speaker A: Lurch is talking about the deficit, though.
He's hammering sensible economic policy every day.
[00:44:00] Speaker C: Real slow, too. Like, real deliberate.
[00:44:04] Speaker A: That's the thing is, like, the regular people can understand Lurch because he talks at a really measured pace.
[00:44:11] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:44:12] Speaker D: And, of course, he would be iconic. His political ads would be. You rang?
For the American people.
[00:44:21] Speaker C: Oh, God. Yeah. You're not wrong.
[00:44:24] Speaker B: Ric Flair during that time period, and Garrick knows this was doing some of the craziest during that time.
Ric Flair elbow dropping his suit jacket.
[00:44:39] Speaker C: It's strutting it off.
[00:44:41] Speaker D: Yeah.
Fire me.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: I'm already.
I'm fired. Yeah.
[00:44:49] Speaker C: His son is getting in trouble for, like, pulling a Kennedy, like, actually, like, killing someone in a car wreck. And like. Yeah, yeah.
He got put away in an asylum at one point around that time. Like, if they really. Yeah, no, I, I. But all that being said, Democrat Ric Flair, all those things I said, I still think sweeps it.
I still think Al Gore.
[00:45:12] Speaker B: We would all be ashamed that the sitting vice president Couldn't get out of the primary against Ric Flair. But however you could see it, I think I'm using.
[00:45:21] Speaker A: Imagine it.
[00:45:21] Speaker C: I'm using Trump as hindsight, though, because, like, you can't straight you. Because at the time, you might think, well, there's no one. With all the credible assault allegations and stuff that Ric Flair has, there's no way that he could win for office. But here we are.
[00:45:37] Speaker B: So the media was much more powerful in 2000, to be sure.
[00:45:42] Speaker C: Yeah. So, like, that might pull it.
[00:45:43] Speaker B: Maybe the traditional. Mary. Maybe the traditional media is like, gets in a meeting and they're like, it's gotta be Lurch.
[00:45:50] Speaker C: Yeah, no, no.
And that's what would happen. And he would still win popular vote, electoral.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: Think that Lurch would do well on, you know, Face the Nation.
I mean, he's gonna do a lot better on those Sunday shows.
[00:46:09] Speaker C: Okay, okay. But, like. And here's the thing. God, I feel like I'm on my show where it's like, I by. We have to preis all of this Ric Flair in the face. He's a horrible human being. I hate him as a person. It's Ric Flair. So, yeah, imagine. Imagine Lurch on the Sunday shows, and then the camera slowly pans to the right and you have a pile of cocaine and a fucking pink feather bowered robe with sequence doing his thing like, it's Ric Flair. It's Rick.
It would be hard to.
[00:46:42] Speaker B: It would be hard, honestly, to bet against Ric Flair in any popularity contest. Yeah, go on YouTube and just watch Ric Flair for 10 minutes.
[00:46:52] Speaker C: But Bobby Heener would watch YouTube because he was working the.
Working the game.
I'm sorry, I had to get that in there. But no, maybe you're talking about just
[00:47:02] Speaker B: one of the most charismatic human beings to ever live.
[00:47:06] Speaker C: And. And that's what it comes down to is I do. I believe everything you're saying, Kennedy, about Lurch, but I really.
[00:47:13] Speaker A: You.
[00:47:13] Speaker C: You. It's Flair. Flair would turn the south blue. Like, it's terrifying, but it's true.
[00:47:20] Speaker D: Would the Supreme Court be able to still flip the election?
[00:47:25] Speaker C: Not after he put. Flip it like a figure 4 to reverse the pressure. Yes. No. They would try.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: I think Lurch does have some strengths. I think Lurch could do fundraising.
I think Lurch is good with the media.
I mean, just Lurch is gonna bring a lot to the table.
Just Ric Flair is a tough out for anybody.
[00:47:47] Speaker C: Yeah. You know, I basically, I'd say ric Flair in 2000, it would just be. It would be Trump's mega coming 16 years early. And it would just. It would take everyone, just as everyone. But like you said, the media would assume it was Lurch. They'd be like, oh, no, it's Lurch. It's got to be Lurch. We're making it Lurch.
[00:48:06] Speaker A: And they would all assume it is saying the night before the election, it's Lurch.
[00:48:11] Speaker C: It's exactly. And then they wake up. Everyone wakes up in the.
Everyone wakes up in the morning.
Yeah, except it's yellow. Except it's Bobby Heenan. Yeah.
Yeah. No, everyone. That's exactly it. No, that's all I got to say on that. Like, and I think that's exactly how that would go. And I feel bad for Lurch.
[00:48:36] Speaker D: Go, Lurch.
[00:48:39] Speaker C: Wait.
[00:48:39] Speaker D: No, he.
[00:48:39] Speaker A: All right, I got a really. I got a really tough one. I got a head scratcher.
I saved this one for last for a reason, naturally. Linda McMahon versus Morticia Adams.
[00:48:54] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:48:54] Speaker A: The two most. The two most ride or die women in history for governor of Connecticut.
[00:49:04] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:49:06] Speaker A: In 2012.
[00:49:08] Speaker C: Oh, my God. You're hitting me on the wrestling and the queer at the same time.
Oh, my God.
[00:49:17] Speaker D: Anyone else say one thing. I will say one thing about this. In 2012, Kentucky had a Democrat as a governor there. That's all I'm gonna say.
[00:49:27] Speaker A: Connecticut.
[00:49:28] Speaker C: Connecticut.
[00:49:28] Speaker D: Oh, God. I was thinking Kentucky.
[00:49:30] Speaker C: No, Connecticut. Okay. Because Linda and Vince want everyone to think that they're from Connecticut, but everyone in Connecticut hates them.
This is, like, on the record.
So, like, you. You would think that would put it towards Morticia, but also, they own everyone and everything thing.
So, like, wind.
Go ahead.
[00:49:55] Speaker B: Go ahead.
[00:49:56] Speaker C: Oh, well, Linda, like, Linda is the. The power behind throwing it a lot of ways. Like, Vince is an animal on a leash. Linda very much like, is a victim of him, but also has got. I mean, she's gonna get a cabinet position.
[00:50:11] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:50:12] Speaker C: Like.
Like, she's gotten so much money and power, it's insane.
[00:50:16] Speaker A: Talking about the power be behind the throne in a power couple. You describing Morticia Adam.
[00:50:24] Speaker C: See, that's why I'm saying it's really hard because it's the same problem.
Also, I feel like the people in Connecticut are really gonna like that. That, like, Victorian Gothic house flair. I feel like the aesthetic is gonna sell well.
[00:50:40] Speaker B: Morticia Adams gonna run as an independent.
[00:50:44] Speaker C: That's the other question.
[00:50:46] Speaker A: They're both running as independent 2012.
[00:50:50] Speaker C: Yes, 2012. Linda would absolutely be running as an independent third party.
[00:50:55] Speaker A: They're both running as independence.
They actually both technically lost their primaries, and there's this race that are running on the as Democrat and Republican but
[00:51:06] Speaker C: nobody cares about no, it's a runoff
[00:51:08] Speaker A: between these two and it's already been, it's already been decided that more Morticia will caucus with the Democrats and Linda will caucus with the Republicans.
[00:51:18] Speaker B: All right. Yeah.
[00:51:18] Speaker A: I, oh wow.
[00:51:20] Speaker C: Honestly my you know this is a banger of because you know, you know
[00:51:26] Speaker B: what I think is a deciding factor in here?
[00:51:29] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:51:30] Speaker B: Morticia Adams has and we, I, I talk about this all the time. When we do these comparisons, I think of who has a work ethic ethic because running for an office is like a job. You've got to show up and do stuff and then you have to travel and you have to manage stuff.
[00:51:47] Speaker C: Oh yeah.
[00:51:48] Speaker D: You have to create your current.
[00:51:49] Speaker A: I feel like Morticia Adams would just crush like fundraising.
[00:51:53] Speaker C: Oh yeah.
[00:51:54] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:51:54] Speaker B: I feel like, I feel like Morticia Adams is going to be a disciplined worker and will hit all of the towns and stuff like that. When does a policy you know and with Linda. Not only is Linda. Yeah. A policy person person also. And, and this is just a fact of, of Linda McMahon's electoral run. The more you see of Linda, the less you like.
[00:52:16] Speaker C: Yeah. The more you look into Linda's past, the more it like she would not even in 2012 she would not have survived in what what the Republicans do. Yeah. What Republicans do for like fact checking their picks now.
You know non existent versus 2012.
I, she don't think she would survive the like she's going to be a Cabinet member in 2025. But like she's involved in multiple like child sex ring scandals that are coming back because they changed the law. They'd initially gotten away with this, but they changed the laws at the statue.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: Okay, but Morticia Adams has been videotaped bringing people back from the dead.
[00:53:04] Speaker C: But that's not nearly as bad as Linda. That's not nearly as bad.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: But I still think the satanic panic you got.
[00:53:13] Speaker B: All right.
[00:53:13] Speaker C: Okay, okay.
[00:53:14] Speaker A: I, I, I want to be clear. Morticia probably wins this. But I just think you have to, you have to keep in mind the satanic panic. Voters are going to be out there with signs screaming if you vote for Morticia, America ends.
[00:53:31] Speaker C: All the while the actual person with credible allegations of being involved in child sex trafficking is running on the opposite ticket. Which brings me to my final point on this. It really statistician Andrew, I'm gonna need you on this one. I think it comes down to party lines. I really do think it comes down to the party line. So what did Connecticut look like in in 2012, Connecticut.
[00:53:53] Speaker B: And I'm just gonna guess here that Connecticut's like plus 12 or plus 11 during the 20.
[00:54:01] Speaker D: Oh, that's presidential. We're looking at governor.
When does. What years. Does Connecticut do its presidential elect, its governor elections?
[00:54:16] Speaker C: Yeah, it could be on and off. Off by four or two years. Who was the governor in 2012? I guess 2012.
[00:54:24] Speaker D: They do, though. They would have done those on 2010. 2014. So, okay, word, light, writing on.
[00:54:31] Speaker C: All right, so who.
So who was governor in 2010?
[00:54:35] Speaker A: So who won that 2010 election?
[00:54:39] Speaker D: That would be Dan Malloy defeating Folly and.
The Democrat who. Oh, my.
Less than 1%.
About 0.5.
[00:54:56] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I knew. I knew I was picking a battleground for this one.
[00:55:01] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:55:01] Speaker A: Less than 1%.
[00:55:03] Speaker C: Morticia. Someone squeaks it out.
[00:55:05] Speaker D: I think it's for.
[00:55:06] Speaker B: No. Well, yeah. At the same time, Richard Blumenthal beat Linda by 12 points.
[00:55:13] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:55:14] Speaker B: So I think this is. This is statistical evidence that Linda is behind the curve of the state.
[00:55:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:55:21] Speaker B: The state was like, we'll take a Republican, sure, but Jesus, not that one.
[00:55:26] Speaker C: Yeah. No, like, seriously, she's never won an election. Every office she's held has been given to her.
[00:55:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Actually, what I'm hearing here is Mortician wins by like three points.
[00:55:34] Speaker C: Yeah, at least. Morticia wins at least three points. I think.
[00:55:38] Speaker A: I don't think it's a lot more than that. I think it's still pretty close.
[00:55:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:43] Speaker A: Is definitely the night before saying it's Linda.
[00:55:45] Speaker D: Yeah,
[00:55:49] Speaker C: it's a. It's a go to scenario in all of this is them getting it wrong.
[00:55:54] Speaker B: I. I actually think Morticia gets tons of love from msnbc. She's probably on Rachel Maddow once every two weeks.
[00:56:02] Speaker C: God, yes.
[00:56:03] Speaker B: Rachel Maddow is probably just hitting on Morticia every other week on her show.
[00:56:08] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's the thing is msnbc, it's like the night before, it's a panel, and it's like seven of them are like, Linda. And then Maddow and two others are like, it's. It's. It's Morticia, you guys.
[00:56:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:56:21] Speaker C: You know the token Gen Z.
[00:56:24] Speaker A: It has the. The best. Rachel Maddow loves nothing more than Twitter. Have smugly been right about something. So Rachel Maddow has the best day of her life. The next day, wearing, like, on air,
[00:56:36] Speaker C: strangely smoky eyes with, like, just really leaning. Leaning into the goth aesthetic for one night just to rub it in. Yeah. No, that makes sense.
[00:56:48] Speaker A: Okay, Which Addams Family character could end the Civil War?
Did any of them do it faster than Abraham Lincoln.
[00:57:01] Speaker C: Holy.
I want to say Uncle. Uncle Fester.
[00:57:06] Speaker D: I'm just thinking Echo Fester.
[00:57:08] Speaker C: Uncle fester in a Mr. Bean like, room. Goldberg. Of, like, accidentally burning down Atlanta. Just like earlier.
You.
Like, no offense, Brandon.
Like some. Somewhere.
Somewhere the general still smiles, you know, but, like, he just did it by accident. They're like, we give up. And, like, he didn't even realize there was a war going on.
[00:57:33] Speaker A: I'm actually gonna go with a character we haven't talked about much today and say that Wednesday Adams can end the Civil War the fastest.
[00:57:41] Speaker C: That makes sense, too.
[00:57:44] Speaker A: I think that she would just choose the most violent option possible.
I think if she was the president at the time of the Civil War, then she would have had them invent the nuclear bomb in the 1800s that shot.
[00:58:01] Speaker C: A bomb that shot guillotines. Like, my heads will roll.
[00:58:08] Speaker A: I think Wednesday Adams would have just said, like, we don't. We don't need the South.
[00:58:13] Speaker B: Then we're going to regulate.
[00:58:17] Speaker A: Yeah, we're just gonna carpet bomb.
[00:58:21] Speaker C: Yeah, we're done.
That's amazing, though, that you might sway my. I'm down with that scenario as well,
[00:58:29] Speaker A: especially because I feel like the rest of the Addams Family might have moral qualms about some of the decisions, but I feel like Wednesday Adams would just be like, yeah, let's just napalm. Whole cities.
[00:58:41] Speaker D: Reconstruction wouldn't have worked out if Wednesday Adams was there.
[00:58:45] Speaker C: I. I feel. I feel like they would all have moral qual. They would. They would. Everyone. The rest of them would have moral qualms until you explain to Gomez Adams for the first time that's what slavery was and that exists. And then he would be, like, the most violent of all of them, but he never realized the concept. And you explained it to him, and he's like, what's going on? And he just grabs a rapier.
[00:59:09] Speaker A: I still feel like even as the war drags on, though, and Gomez hears the stories of, like, how real people's lives are being destroyed in the south, he would be like, oh, dang. I. We have to do something about this. Whereas Wednesday, you'd be like, hey, Wednesday, there's a report that some Union soldiers, like, burned down a town and, like, raped people and stuff. And Wednesday be like, great.
That's what I told them to do. That's what I told those to do.
[00:59:40] Speaker C: Yeah. No, we have no. Wednesday would immediately John Brown it. Like, the moment there was even a whiff of it. It just take care of the problem with Holy Fire.
[00:59:51] Speaker A: I've got a couple more. We're eating. We're gonna keep getting a little bit more esoteric here towards the end, but, Garrick, this is one for you to take the lead on in particular, but the rest of us can. Can contribute still.
What would Uncle Fester's signature wrestling move be?
[01:00:09] Speaker C: Oh, holy hell.
Well, I actually once played a rock show at bar for Halloween dressed as Uncle Fester, complete with a light up bulb in my mouth.
Wow. So I do. Yeah. Small batteries wired through a big coat. That.
That was wild.
Oh, God.
It would have to be something.
Oh, you know what it would be. So one of my favorite current wrestlers is this Japanese guy, Tomohiro Ishii. Big Tom. And he does this thing. He's like a pit bull, and he does this thing where he crawls, like, on his hands and knees and shoots himself forward with a headbutt while you're, like, on the ground and.
[01:00:54] Speaker A: Okay, yeah.
[01:00:55] Speaker C: And I feel like Fester has the same general potato shape as Isi, so that tracks. And he would just call it light him up and.
And I think that would do it.
[01:01:08] Speaker A: I like that. I like that a lot.
[01:01:09] Speaker C: Thank you very much.
[01:01:11] Speaker A: I think that's a perfect answer to the question. My final. My final question for all of us tonight.
[01:01:17] Speaker D: Most important election of our life.
[01:01:19] Speaker C: Vote.
[01:01:19] Speaker A: Most important election of our lives. We're almost done voting.
Could Lurch beat Abraham Lincoln in a row wrestling match. Ooh.
Two big guys, long arms.
[01:01:32] Speaker C: Lurch has got. Yes, I was. Got. Wanted to give the reach to Lurch, but. But that was a lanky guy. I don't know.
[01:01:39] Speaker B: Lincoln's the big, big boy. I don't know.
[01:01:41] Speaker C: My understanding is that, like, had Maran
[01:01:44] Speaker A: syndrome, you know, that. That. That thing that makes your limbs all disproportionate and.
[01:01:49] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is true.
[01:01:52] Speaker B: Abraham Lincoln had an in.
[01:01:54] Speaker D: You.
[01:01:54] Speaker B: You guys all know that Abraham Lincoln had an incredible record as a wrestler.
[01:01:58] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, he. He was a shooter. Like he was.
[01:02:01] Speaker A: And as a. And as an amateur boxer.
[01:02:03] Speaker C: I think I'd have to give it to Lincoln.
[01:02:08] Speaker B: Link. Lincoln not only reportedly had a 301 record as a wrestler.
[01:02:15] Speaker C: Lincoln was.
Goldberg. What the.
[01:02:19] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
This wasn't fake all the time.
[01:02:26] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[01:02:27] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[01:02:28] Speaker B: And not only that, you know he was hunting vampires.
[01:02:31] Speaker C: Yeah, he was very. Knows about.
[01:02:33] Speaker B: He knows about all this supernatural.
[01:02:36] Speaker C: Don't. Don't ask him anything about what he was doing with the Dakota, but. Yeah, but he was busy. He was definitely busy.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm. I'm actually gonna give it to Lincoln
[01:02:46] Speaker C: Yeah, we gotta give it to the shooter.
[01:02:48] Speaker B: I think he find. I think he finds a way. He chops that big old tree down, puts them in an ankle lock or some kind of W. It's definitely a
[01:02:59] Speaker A: good match though, right?
[01:03:00] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely.
[01:03:01] Speaker A: This does not end in, in, in five minutes.
[01:03:05] Speaker C: No, no, I think Lincoln has to pull out. I think because of that reach, Lincoln's got to become a striker. He started seeing him do like the Muay Thai calf kicks to kind of chop him down like Brandon said. Absolutely. But it's.
[01:03:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:03:16] Speaker C: And he's. Eventually he's going to give him in a guillotine choke with those big lanky arms like a Frank guillotine. And he's out.
So. Yeah, I think, I think that's how that goes.
[01:03:26] Speaker B: Do we think that Abraham Lincoln could beat John Cena in Florida
[01:03:35] Speaker A: in wrestling or in politics?
Pick one.
[01:03:41] Speaker C: In wrestling. Absolutely. Because again, Lincoln was a shooter.
[01:03:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I think, I think Abraham Lincoln could. I think Abraham Lincoln could beat a lot of modern wrestlers, actually.
[01:03:51] Speaker C: Yeah. But John especially. And I want to see that. I need, I need celebrity Death Match to come back for that. Yeah.
[01:03:58] Speaker A: In an election. I don't know. I think it's, it's feeling like a coin toss
[01:04:04] Speaker C: because people forget Lincoln. More racist than they like me to remember. So like, also, you know what?
[01:04:12] Speaker B: That's a good sign for him in Florida.
[01:04:14] Speaker C: That's what I was gonna say.
[01:04:15] Speaker B: A good sign for him in Florida.
[01:04:16] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:04:18] Speaker B: And, and in terms of wrestling, actually, I think John Cena would let Lincoln win.
[01:04:23] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you'd be like, please compromise me to a permanent end.
[01:04:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he, I think he'd put Lincoln over.
[01:04:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
I'm, I'm sorry to keep dragging, belaboring this in any way, but what do you think Lincoln's MMA record would be like
[01:04:42] Speaker D: in the modern era? Lincoln be a hero or a foil?
[01:04:46] Speaker A: Would he be able.
[01:04:47] Speaker B: First of all, he'd be. He'd go after Jon Jones.
[01:04:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:04:50] Speaker B: Now that's a whole different podcast because
[01:04:54] Speaker A: I gotta be honest, I think Lincoln wrestled in the era again when wrestling was like a real beat em up sport. Still.
[01:05:02] Speaker C: No. Yeah.
[01:05:03] Speaker B: Right.
[01:05:03] Speaker A: So I think, I think modern era Lincoln was born in, in 1992 or whatever.
[01:05:11] Speaker D: He, he would.
[01:05:12] Speaker A: He's doing everything right now. Now. Right.
[01:05:13] Speaker B: Well, you might have to. Yeah, he might have to take a camp. We might need to give him a few months on the cutting edge.
[01:05:20] Speaker C: No, hold on. I, I don't think so because. And hear me out. Mma, mixed martial arts, right? I know more about this than I'd like to admit, because these, these two things are married in a lot of ways for, like, all the way back since the start of it. But Lincoln was an amazing wrestler, but like you said, he was also an amazing boxer. And the difference is, is, like with ufc, most UFC people, from what I understand, will tell you it doesn't matter how good of a strike you are. If you're against a wrestler and they get their arms around you, it's done. Like, it's done. So, like, he has both. So actually, I think Lincoln would be an unstoppable force in the ufc. He was a better wrestler, but he knew striking, and that's all like he did.
[01:06:06] Speaker A: People, People talk about his wrestling career more because that was more formal. But before he got into the wrestling, he did amateur, just like, you know, town boxing for money type of stuff.
[01:06:16] Speaker C: Yep. So he.
[01:06:17] Speaker A: Quite a bit. He had a really good record there too.
[01:06:20] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. So he knows striking. He's been hit in the face. I think that he would be a unstoppable monster.
I think the only person stopping him is, like, Brock Lesnar on all the droids, like Peak Juice Lesnar.
[01:06:36] Speaker B: I think Jon Jones would be very motivated to beat.
Just the, the idea of that would be such a troll that he would
[01:06:46] Speaker C: be just fully locked.
Yeah, I give you that. I'll give you that.
[01:06:51] Speaker A: I, yeah, I, I. It would be a very close. I don't know that that's maybe too close of a match to call almost.
[01:06:59] Speaker C: Yeah, it really is.
[01:07:01] Speaker A: It is just wild when you read like, like, stories from Abraham Lincoln's childhood. It's like a good third of them or so. Just people being like, and this one time, Abraham Lincoln knocked a out.
[01:07:18] Speaker C: He had, like, Muhammad Ali reach. Yeah, he had those long arms.
But did he dance? Did he do the feet movements is what I need to know.
[01:07:27] Speaker A: Well, thank you, everyone, for fulfilling your civic duty once again participating in the most important election of our lives.
Garrick. Where do people get tapped into the Monday night fake fights universe?
[01:07:42] Speaker C: Oh, well, I, I'm not a professional. I just Play 1 on TV.
So it's really mostly one place. You can find my personal stuff at, uh, at Comforting Moo online on Blue Sky. The podcast is at MNFF Pod, BSY Social. And also, please check out merch store for wrestling themed various posty things and show merchandises at Garrick's Mid store. Garrick, like the Star Trek character. I'm not, I've never had an original thought in my life. But, yeah, those are all the places to find us.
The show itself you can find basically anywhere. Anywhere that you get a podcast. I generally keep it up once a week also. Patreon. Patreon.commnnffpod there. I did it. I did all the plugs.
[01:08:29] Speaker A: It's a great show with many hot and funny guests. And I'm not just saying that because I'm one of them, but I am saying because I'm one of them.
[01:08:37] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:08:39] Speaker D: Wait,
[01:08:46] Speaker C: Was?
[01:08:47] Speaker A: Anyway, thanks, y', all and we'll see you next time.
[01:08:52] Speaker C: Goodbye.
Bye. Bye,
[01:09:00] Speaker A: Ghost co studios. Thanks for listening.
