Doom Vs Campaign Promises

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Now, wait a minute. Now wait a minute. [00:00:02] Speaker B: There are many ways to vote. This is something we discuss a lot here. There's so many ways to vote. But have you ever considered voting by opening a portal to hell? Well, that's what millions of voters did in 2024. Wait, no, I'm sorry. We're here to talk about doom. We're here to vote with my good buddy, our friend, Arlen Helleson. We're here in the booth. [00:00:27] Speaker A: We're. [00:00:27] Speaker B: We're here. It's most important election of our lives. And it's time to vote. Get your fucking ballots out this election, which will be, I do truly believe, the most important election of our lifetime. [00:00:40] Speaker A: This is the most important election of our lifetime. [00:00:44] Speaker B: This is the most important election. [00:00:46] Speaker C: Don't you you hear that? [00:00:48] Speaker D: This is the most important election in our lifetime. [00:00:52] Speaker B: I certainly think it's the most important election of my lifetime. [00:00:55] Speaker C: This is the most important election of our times. [00:00:59] Speaker D: Politicians say every time, this is the most important election. [00:01:02] Speaker C: This one's really that important. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Everybody, I have a suggestion. [00:01:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Perhaps you should vote this election. [00:01:14] Speaker C: I love you. [00:01:16] Speaker D: You're fired up. [00:01:19] Speaker C: I love to vote so much. [00:01:21] Speaker B: No one's ever said, get your ballots out with as much enthusiasm as this show. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Let us go to the voting booth at once. Post taste. [00:01:31] Speaker B: And as I mentioned, we've got a guest here today, Arlen Hellesen. But before I properly introduce him, let me remind you who we are. I'm Kennedy Cooper. Joining me as always, we've got my good friend Brandon Buchanan. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Hi. [00:01:43] Speaker D: How's it going? [00:01:44] Speaker B: Going so good. And we've got our statistician friend, Andrew Fields, here, here, crunching the numbers. [00:01:52] Speaker A: The chances of you voting are statistically significant. [00:01:57] Speaker B: Oh, and as mentioned, our lovely, illustrious, esteemed guest, Arlen Helison, host of the Hell Zone, General, funny poster and a guy I like. [00:02:09] Speaker C: Hello, I'm Arlen Helison. Famous in parentheses. [00:02:13] Speaker A: It would be. It would be awkward if you hated Arlen. [00:02:17] Speaker C: I would not like it. So I'm glad that you do. [00:02:21] Speaker A: I invited this guy. [00:02:22] Speaker B: I'm willing to have a guest on that I hate under the wrong, the right circumstances. [00:02:28] Speaker C: Oh, God, don't, don't. Don't do that. [00:02:32] Speaker B: Not even as Dancel can come on the pod. [00:02:35] Speaker C: Oh, no. Well, he truly believes in voting, so he belongs here. [00:02:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, there's no one more committed to voting. So, like, I have to. I have to extend an invitation. Will Stancil. You're welcome on the pod. Hate to say it, it pains me. [00:02:50] Speaker C: I wonder what Subject he would choose. [00:02:53] Speaker B: That would be fascinating. I'll tell you what though, I would love to. You know, a few weeks back we did an episode where I made the guests and the panel try to figure out what were Metal Gear Solid quotes and what were Bush administration. [00:03:05] Speaker C: Amazing episode. [00:03:07] Speaker A: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. [00:03:08] Speaker C: I hate you. [00:03:09] Speaker A: I hate you. [00:03:10] Speaker C: Loved listening to your guests lose their minds about this game. [00:03:16] Speaker B: I would love to subject Will Stancil to something on that level. Like I would have to come up with something like that. [00:03:24] Speaker C: He deserves no less. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Arlen, tell everyone about where to find you, your projects. Just promote yourself a little bit. [00:03:33] Speaker C: Sure, gladly. I can be found mostly under the Hell Zone. That's my website. That's where you can find me on the blue sky. The Blue Ski, also. That's. That's the name of my show. We cover the. The coolest, weirdest, most bizarre, angry and violent movies of the 80s 90s and beyond. Or at least that's the description I use in the opening. [00:04:01] Speaker A: I don't know if that's 80s 90s and beyond. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Beyond. Yeah. So I can do whatever I want basically with the beyond there. It's a cop out. Kennedy, you've seen the actual. The list of movies we cover on the show though, so I think you have a better. Thank you. We did. We did an episode recently, should be coming out sometime over the. Over the summer about the film Miami Connection, which. Which is a pretty typical Hell Zone film. I think basically we just cover the movies where. Where angry guys shoot each other or karate kick each other as the case be. I think. I think we've got a great little show. Just. Just a little passion project of mine. Basically every episode it's just. Just me and a person. I like talking about one of these. [00:04:51] Speaker B: Ridiculous movies, had a great time and I'll definitely be coming back eventually for Roadhouse. [00:04:57] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, I can't wait. I cannot wait. [00:04:59] Speaker B: But I'm glad we did the movie we did for our first time doing the Hell Zone together because it was a blast and it's such a weird movie. It is a pro taekwondo anti ninja movie. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:13] Speaker B: Which there just aren't enough of in the world. So definitely check out that episode of the Hell Zone when it comes out. [00:05:20] Speaker C: Yeah. And that should be soon. That should be very soon. I mean, I kind of have a. A release whenever I feel like it's schedule. [00:05:28] Speaker B: I mean we don't. Don't always release this show every single week. We just. If there's. If there's a problem with getting an episode recorded. We just say, okay, you should release. [00:05:38] Speaker A: An episode right now. You should do two podcasts at once. [00:05:43] Speaker B: What if you could record two podcasts at the same time? Like you're commenting in a call on Discord and one podcast, and then you're also in zoom in a different podcast. [00:05:53] Speaker C: I can barely handle the one I've got. [00:05:57] Speaker A: And then you have a third podcast on Skype. [00:06:00] Speaker D: I've done that. What do you mean? Yeah, yeah. You know, all you've got to do is just have two microphones on in front of you and then hit the button to shut one down, and then hit the button to shut the other one down, and then you're cooking with two guns at once. [00:06:19] Speaker A: This sounds like the premise of an over complicated video game, which the point is to try to confuse you and get you to mess up the podcast. [00:06:29] Speaker D: Yeah, it does sound like, like a teaser for a kwap type game. You go in there, let's make a podcast, and you gotta hit 25 buttons at once. [00:06:40] Speaker C: It's one of those games like your. Your super nerdy friend is like, no, really, it's. It's really fun. [00:06:47] Speaker B: The mechanics are surprisingly deep. [00:06:49] Speaker C: Really, you've gotta try it and like you're playing it. [00:06:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I like the idea that it would be like, like one of those, like stressful cooking games. There's just too much going on at once. But it's like, it's just because you're just recording seven podcasts at once in this video game that that seems great. Yeah. Just trying to come up with quips for several different shows, like back to back, like, oh, the movie show needs a quip from me now. I haven't said anything over there. Oh, but now it's time to talk. I gotta talk in the show about fashion. Fuck no. [00:07:26] Speaker A: I just made a comment about fascism and the fashion one. Damn it. That was supposed to be. [00:07:31] Speaker B: That might pass. It depends on it. Depends. I mean, did you mention Hugo Boss? [00:07:36] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:37] Speaker B: And you're. [00:07:37] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:07:43] Speaker B: So, Arlen, you picked the topic. [00:07:48] Speaker C: I did. [00:07:49] Speaker A: I know. I have never played Doom. And my goal of this podcast is to figure out the best first way to play Doom. [00:07:57] Speaker C: Is it really? [00:07:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:58] Speaker C: You've never played Doom. It's on literally everything. [00:08:00] Speaker A: I'm at the point where I'm trying to selectively pick out the funniest way I can reasonably play it. Like, that's not a joke. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Yeah, you got to play it on like a microwave screen or something. [00:08:14] Speaker D: I. [00:08:16] Speaker C: It's. Everybody's got to play Doom at least once. I feel it's like the violent video game. Like when someone mentions a violent video game, they're probably, probably thinking about Doom. Right. [00:08:27] Speaker B: Well, well, Doom was. Doom was a genre defining. I mean, before we called them first person shooters, we actually used to call games of that type Doom Likes. [00:08:40] Speaker A: Doom. [00:08:41] Speaker C: Clones or Doom Likes. I mean that was, that, that was, that was just the name of the genre that was. It was a Doom. It was like being, you know, Kleenex or something. It's just the brand. [00:08:53] Speaker D: Well, you know, when it comes to violence, some people think about Mortal Kombat. [00:09:00] Speaker B: That was a big one for me. [00:09:01] Speaker C: Very fair. Mortal Kombat's incredible because it's just wizards and ninjas and robots and like everything a 12 year old thinks is the coolest ever, like murdering and dismembering each other. [00:09:14] Speaker B: And the finish. Not gonna lie. Even when I would lose to the CPU a lot when I was a kid, obviously playing Mortal Kombat, but like, like getting my like spine ripped out by the cpu, even though it was in some ways painful, was always also like somehow satisfying. Like, wow, look at that animation. There's nothing like that else in video games right now. [00:09:40] Speaker C: There's only one fatality I can do and it's, it's just a Johnny Cage one because you just press up a couple of times on the punch button and you just. I think he just punches the guy's head right off. So it's not, it's not super visually impressive either. But I mean it's, it's, it's about proportional to the, the effort you put into the button code. But we're here to talk about Doom, right? [00:10:01] Speaker B: Yeah. So Doom was. Doom was a very influential game. Like you say one of the, one of the early violent video games. The sort of the first. First person shooter. Not exactly, but definitely the one that created the mold. And there were a couple. I mean, even before that there were some games that were kind of borderline first person shooter. S. Sure. [00:10:24] Speaker C: Yeah. So it's like, I'm having trouble thinking of examples, but. But you're right. Yes. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Curse of the Catacombs or games like that, that like predated Doom that were like. Curse of the Catacombs was like, like Heretic. [00:10:39] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. Heretic. All right. Yeah, here's great. [00:10:42] Speaker B: And so games, games like there were some games that were kind of like that, that were like not quite first person shooters, but. [00:10:50] Speaker C: Right. The technology wasn't quite there until Wolfenstein. [00:10:53] Speaker B: I'm not, I might be getting. This is just my hazy memories of, of being a kid. It's possible that Curse of the Catacombs actually came out after the first Doom, but it was like of that era for sure, you know. [00:11:05] Speaker C: Right. [00:11:06] Speaker B: It would have been like if it came out after, it was like two weeks after, you know. [00:11:11] Speaker C: Right, right. There was, there was Doom came out and then there was, there was a period where, where everybody was trying to be Doom and then like, like a bunch, you got your, your Duke Nukem3d and, and rise of the Triad, what have you, all those fun little variants. [00:11:26] Speaker A: I mean I know the story with Gabe Newell when he worked at Microsoft in Doom. The Microsoft PC was having a hard time selling and Gabe Newell figured out the solution was it didn't have Doom on it. So he got a port over. And once he got the port over, that's when people realized, oh, we can use this thing. Yeah, this is a good viable gaming device. I can play Doom on this. [00:11:51] Speaker C: Let's go blow apart demons with a rocket launcher. And that's all I really want advanced technology for, to be honest. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And speaking of blow apart demons with a rocket launcher, another thing Doom innovated was the ability to switch guns. [00:12:08] Speaker C: True, very true. [00:12:10] Speaker B: That seems like trivial or strange now, right? [00:12:15] Speaker A: Only one gun before what? [00:12:18] Speaker C: Wolfenstein had multiple guns for sure. [00:12:21] Speaker B: You wouldn't be able to freely switch weapons in games before. [00:12:24] Speaker A: Oh, okay, okay. [00:12:25] Speaker B: Like, like, like in the way that we're used to where it's like press X to swap between two guns or you know, something kind of like, like that. Gun juggling is a term that was invented around the first Doom game to describe the act of like rapidly switching between guns in beneficial ways. [00:12:45] Speaker A: I'm sorry, I can only imagine Doom guy juggling four guns in the air. Like, I'm sorry, I don't care what it actually is. [00:12:54] Speaker C: Like, I'm sure that mod exists somewhere. Doom's great because it's about murdering demons, which I think is, is pretty much besides Nazis, the, the only you can, you can pretty much just not feel bad about that at any time. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Sounds pretty woke. [00:13:13] Speaker B: That sound a little woke. [00:13:14] Speaker C: I have to agree. [00:13:16] Speaker B: Sounds a little woke to me. [00:13:18] Speaker C: It is a little woke. Pretty woke. It's pretty wokeness to it. [00:13:22] Speaker B: His aspect of wokeness. Yeah, we, we, we love murdering demons. I think that's pretty unambiguous. I think even if you're a Satanist, you would probably be like, fuck yeah, let's fire up Doom if you are a Satanist. [00:13:39] Speaker C: There's a lot of grotesque satanic imagery in the game. There's something for everyone, really. [00:13:47] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think murdering demons pretty unambiguously. Just something people enjoy. So Doom picked a good theme. I think that's helped with the success. [00:14:00] Speaker A: Yeah. That's why it runs on everything. [00:14:04] Speaker C: Everything. Because there's nerds out there who want to make sure that it runs on everything. There's guys out there, like, making sure it's on their calculators. [00:14:13] Speaker B: But Doom didn't innovate everything famously. Did not invent the ability to jump in a video game. [00:14:23] Speaker C: You can't, like, look up or down or aim precisely. But that, you know, that's fine. You don't need that. [00:14:29] Speaker A: Can you pet the dog? Is there a dog that you can pet in Doom? [00:14:36] Speaker C: No, no, no. You can. There. There's a giant pink dog type monster that will eat your face, which is, I guess, very similar. And then you can get a berserk pack and pet them aggressively. [00:14:51] Speaker A: I think there are actually a lot of differences between petting a dog and having your face ripped off. Like. Like, I. I feel like. [00:15:01] Speaker B: Many, many small differences, I guess. I guess I, like, I want to keep my face. I don't know. This seems like. This seems like a lazy talk. Keeping your face. You should rip it off and replace it with, like a machine face. [00:15:19] Speaker A: You first. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Can better fight demons. [00:15:22] Speaker A: You first. [00:15:22] Speaker C: Do you fight the demons with your machine face? Is what I would. What is the machine face? [00:15:29] Speaker A: Bullets. They spit bullets. [00:15:31] Speaker C: Okay, okay. So like, like, let's get ready to. [00:15:35] Speaker D: Rip off our machine, our face and feed it to the machine. Let's go. Yeah. [00:15:42] Speaker C: The demons ate my face party. [00:15:44] Speaker A: I didn't believe they eat my face when I voted for them. [00:15:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I thought they'd be eaten. You know, other people's faces, like Don Carey's face. [00:15:55] Speaker C: Literally every antagonist in later Doom games is. Is a member of the demons eating faces party. I think that's. [00:16:04] Speaker B: That checks out. [00:16:07] Speaker C: I mean, I don't know if we're all familiar with the. The quote unquote story of. Of a Doom game here. [00:16:13] Speaker A: You kill demons, and I'm guessing there's a little bit of RPG as our expert. [00:16:21] Speaker B: Why don't. Why don't you. Why don't you fill us in a bit? [00:16:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:16:25] Speaker C: All right, so here's the story of every Doom game. You are. [00:16:31] Speaker A: You. [00:16:33] Speaker C: You, you know, generic. You are a soldier on Mars in the future, and then demons from hell invade. So you have to kill the demons from hell with large weapons. That's it. That's the plot. [00:16:50] Speaker A: What did that do to you? [00:16:51] Speaker B: What does that do to you eventually, much later on? Yeah. [00:16:57] Speaker C: I mean, sometimes it's Earth. This happens on the Doom game started. [00:17:01] Speaker B: To develop a bit more definition in terms of there's a corporation that rips the, the hole to hell. [00:17:10] Speaker C: Sure. Yes. Very. Waylon Yutani. Very, very aliens. [00:17:15] Speaker B: They do it to generate electricity, I think. Right. [00:17:18] Speaker C: I, I, you know, I was having trouble following what was supposed to be happening in Doom Eternal. It was like they take the souls and use them, the powers. It's very confusing. It's, it doesn't matter. It doesn't. It's, you know, just. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Generate power. They might take the souls. They might. I don't. Who? Nobody knows. [00:17:43] Speaker C: Yeah. Nobody's really quite sure precisely what's going on with the soul harvesting. [00:17:49] Speaker A: We're all going to be eternal. Internally confused. That's why they named it Doom Eternal. [00:17:54] Speaker B: That's. That is why they named it Doom Eternal. Yeah. So you know this, you know, so Doom. One of the things we've been alluding to is that famously, it can run on any platform. [00:18:07] Speaker A: Any platform. [00:18:08] Speaker C: Oh, boy. [00:18:09] Speaker B: Run it on a smartwatch. Can run it on a machine that's meant to test screen car batteries. You can run it just about anything you can imagine, which you can run. [00:18:24] Speaker A: It late for dinner. [00:18:26] Speaker B: You know, this resembles something else that we talk about here on this show, which is. [00:18:33] Speaker C: What's that? [00:18:34] Speaker B: Politicians who can also run on anything. And today we're going to be talking about some, just the idea of weird campaign promises a little bit. I am bringing that to the world of doom. So, you know, I've been thinking a lot about weird campaign promises this morning, this week, just preparing for this podcast. There have been some very strange campaign promises made over the year. The Prohibition Party, for instance. Back in the day, if you remember the Prohibition Party, they suggested having elephants stop alcohol smuggling at the US Border. [00:19:17] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They were considered the progressive party at the time. Oh, yeah. [00:19:22] Speaker C: Promises made, promises kept. [00:19:25] Speaker B: That's not quite as crazy as, as the plot of Doom, but it's, it's kind of close. Right. [00:19:34] Speaker A: I see no differences. [00:19:36] Speaker C: It's exactly like the soul harvesting thing, as far as I can tell. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Seems the same to me. Yeah. So, you know, elephants at the border, that's kind of a weird one. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:51] Speaker B: In more recent years, Rick Santorum ran on banning pornography. Now this is something that's getting more popular in the mainstream Republican Party, but I still think it's kind of weird to suggest a blanket ban to pornography in the United States. Like, is that ever going to fly in The American cultural consciousness. I feel like a lot of the conservative attitude is like, we want pornography to be shoved into a weird corner rather than we want it to go away entirely because they still want pornography. [00:20:25] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. [00:20:28] Speaker A: Well, if we're talking recent cases, I, on the spirit of doom runs on anything. I had a weird. I had a candidate at my county level who had a weird campaign promise. He ran on Hire me so you can fire me. Hire me. [00:20:46] Speaker C: How does that, how does that work? [00:20:47] Speaker B: One of those, like, libertarian, I'll dismantle my department kind of guys? [00:20:52] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Well, there's a little bit more to it than that, Frank. Let's. Okay, a little bit of context. I live in Sangamon County, Illinois. It's just put it mentally, not Chicago. So I live in the not Chicago part of Illinois. This is where the spring capital is. The county itself is crimson red and they have most of the seats. However, one of the seats, the county recorders race, for whatever reason, they kept choosing a Democrat for that one. Josh Langfelder. Republicans just were mad that Democrats actually held a seat at a county level. [00:21:36] Speaker C: Sure. [00:21:36] Speaker A: So they were like, we're going to dismantle your position. We're going to dismantle your position. The county clerk Republican ran for the county recorder race. Frank Lesko on Hire me so you can fire me to kind of merge the recorder with the county clerk by 31 votes. He won. [00:21:59] Speaker C: So they just wanted to fire him that bad. [00:22:03] Speaker A: So in 2025. Well, there's two things here. First of all, they got rid of the Democrat. They're. They were happy, but then they were like, oh, do we really want to get rid of this position? I don't know if it's very feasible. Like, hold on, guys. Like, let's just. So voters at home may remember that I've been talking about actual, actual voting. Like, you know, we got the voting, but the Super 2025 voting. I went to my voting booth to make sure Republicans do the thing they're not sure they can do, but they kept promising it. Also, there were other seats on that ballot that turned Democrat, county level seats that turned Democrat because of the blue wave. So. Oh, well, to them, they just really. [00:22:49] Speaker C: Hated that guy so much. They were like, we really want to fire him. Like, we like the job he wants to do, but we need to fire him. So that's. That's the only reason. [00:22:58] Speaker A: Yep. Oh, yeah, absolutely. They had power throughout the rest of the county level government. They just hated a Democrat being there. [00:23:07] Speaker C: Right. [00:23:07] Speaker B: But it's a, It's So much politics is based on spite, that's for sure. I feel like the porn ban that we discussed moments ago, that has to have some kind of spite element in it. It's got to be some kind of personal emotional problem wrapped up in that. And, yeah, there have been some other wacky promises over the years. I don't know if this one was spite based exactly, but you could imagine that maybe it was. Herman Cain promised to veto any bill longer than three pages if he was president. [00:23:43] Speaker C: That's what I want to read. I mean, I get it. [00:23:49] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, he literally said, with a three page bill, you'll have time to read that one over the dinner table. That was his explanation. [00:23:57] Speaker A: I mean, I see his general point. [00:23:59] Speaker C: Of view, running for the lazy man out there. And that's. That's all of us, really. I don't want to do anything either. [00:24:09] Speaker D: Good thing, easy to understand. [00:24:12] Speaker C: Few people are brave enough to stand up and say, I don't really want to do my job. Very hard. [00:24:20] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, we should cut this podcast down to 10 minutes. We should just crack like one or two jokes and get the fuck out of here. Wait, that's enough of a show. [00:24:29] Speaker A: Wait, I'm expected to crack a joke in the show? [00:24:33] Speaker B: Damn, not you. [00:24:34] Speaker A: Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to get fired. [00:24:37] Speaker C: You are brave enough to stand up before the electorate and say, I want a job that I don't want to do. And I appreciate that. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Vermin supreme, who I interviewed on previous podcasts Not Safe for One, has made a wonderful camp. Yeah, it was actually a total shot in the dark, and it took a while to get back to us, so I kind of thought it was a no. And then all of a sudden, one day, there was this email like, can Vermin still come on your show? And I was like. [00:25:09] Speaker C: How do you get the headset around the boot. Boot guy, Right? You have the boot hat. [00:25:13] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. He, of course, famously has made some of the most unusual campaign promises probably in history, such as giving a pony to every American. I like. I like this one. Jello Biafra, the front man of the dead Kennedys, has run for office a couple of times. During one of his bids for mayor of San Francisco, he said that businessmen would be forced to wear clown suits under his reign as mayor. [00:25:45] Speaker A: Face. [00:25:47] Speaker C: This sounds great. And I wish I could vote for him right now. I think I'll vote for him in the next election. [00:25:57] Speaker B: He also wanted to legalize squatting, and cops would have to, like, individual police officers would have to win A neighborhood vote of confidence to keep their job. So, you know, I started with the funny one, but actually. [00:26:15] Speaker D: Actually a very rad individual. [00:26:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Very rad individual with good takes. [00:26:21] Speaker D: No one's real surprise. [00:26:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I wanted confidence. My police officers, you could. [00:26:29] Speaker D: You could always just. You could always just vote reject. Every time you have the opportunity to. To vote on your neighborhood cop, just say, you know, none of these guys are grabbing it for me. How weird. [00:26:43] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm confused about the situation where you're supposed to vote, like, for the police officer that exists. That's supposed to happen. You just vote them. Just. Just vote them out. I would vote plenty. [00:26:54] Speaker A: Vote clue. No matter who, I would vote as. [00:26:57] Speaker C: Often as possible in every election if that was on the ballot. [00:27:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Imagine if you got to vote every year on whether or not cops that live in your community were doing their job, like the individual officers. That would be so based, actually. And also, I would vote no on every single one of them. [00:27:17] Speaker C: Right. I'm not learning what they're actually doing. I'm just like, no, no. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Imagine New York and your ballot is just Johnson. [00:27:27] Speaker B: I'm voting no until one of their asses convinces me to vote yes. I'm not researching you. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Precisely. [00:27:35] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:27:36] Speaker B: Like New York City, independently. I need to hear from somebody, hey, there's this police officer in our community, Officer Bradley. He's the best or whatever. You know what I mean? And then I'll be like, okay, maybe this guy gets a yes vote, but I need to. I need to independently. Have you ever in your life. I don't want to get too political on this show, but have you ever in your life had somebody just say something positive like that about a cop in your neighborhood? Hello, Biafra. Onto something. [00:28:08] Speaker C: All right, what I'm hearing is that you are willing to vote for police. I'm hearing pro police. Kennedy Cooper here. [00:28:17] Speaker B: Yeah, pro police. [00:28:22] Speaker A: The guy who proposed this was from the dead Kennedys. So, like, oh. [00:28:28] Speaker C: Kennedy Cooper thinks there are good cops. Would you vote for Kennedy Cooper? [00:28:40] Speaker B: Average Democrat would say yes. [00:28:42] Speaker A: So, yeah, Kennedy Cooper wants the average Democrat. [00:28:47] Speaker C: Kennedy Cooper supports the Democrats. [00:28:51] Speaker B: Some of these big promises, you know, they sound kind of crazy sometimes. Like, 2012, Newt Gingrich was like, we're gonna have a US colony on the moon at the same time. [00:29:06] Speaker C: Why not? [00:29:06] Speaker B: 1961, John F. Kennedy was like, we're going to the moon, and it happened. [00:29:12] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's. No, no, Kennedy. There's a good. Let me explain the difference. Russia bad. Russia bad. [00:29:19] Speaker C: Much to consider. [00:29:20] Speaker B: Much to consider. Yeah. You know so every now and again, these crazy promises do work out, which I think will be worth considering as we get into voting segment of this show where we dive into some interesting, vexing, perplexing questions. Much like when you're in the, the, the, the, the ballot box and you look down and you go, who the. Are some of these judges? [00:29:48] Speaker C: I am excited to vote. [00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah, let's, let's get into it. I want to start. [00:29:54] Speaker D: Yeah, hopefully you don't wake up and look at, at the results and go, oh my God, did I click yes on this guy? What a horrible decision. Much lower stakes here. [00:30:05] Speaker B: Much lower stakes. So I want to start with just kind of a basic, like, nice little baseline to get us started here of. You know, there's a lot of media that predicts possible futures that we could live in to some extent. [00:30:23] Speaker C: Now, I've covered many of them on. [00:30:25] Speaker B: My show, and I'm about to mention some that you probably like a lot and are very familiar with. [00:30:32] Speaker C: Go for it. Hit me with them. [00:30:33] Speaker B: So, you know, there's, there's, you know, these different futures that media has considered, such as RoboCop, Mad Max, Blade Runner, Star Alien, Gundam, Firefly, Ghost in the Shell, Cowboy, bebop, the Expanse, Metal Gear Solid. Right. There's all these, there's all these places that media is considered that we might go. These are just some of them that we might talk about in this upcoming discussion. I want to ask y' all, how likely is Doom as our future compared to some of these other scenarios I just named or just other scenarios that you like from fiction? Do you think Doom is more likely, more or less likely than Blade Runner or robocop? That's kind of where I want this discussion to start. Personally, I think RoboCop probably wins, but let's go, let's. Let's get into it. [00:31:33] Speaker C: There's so much to consider here. I, I mean, obviously I've thought about this a lot. A lot. Doom does, of course, in the later installments have the aspect where an evil corporation just kind of everything up so that they can make a little money or perhaps power. Robocop is of course, very close to the, the present we live in now. Would, would a corporation resurrect a police officer, specifically? I'm not so sure. Would they do so to say, an unhoused person? Yeah, that, that maybe. I think they would, they would do something similar. You know, I'm sorry, anyone else can, can, can pipe in here if you want. [00:32:29] Speaker B: Like, where, where would you. If you were just making a list, we're not going to necessarily flesh out the whole list because that could be a whole two hour long show unto itself. If you were just making a list, you know, is doom near the top of likely to. In your mind? Is it near the middle? Is it closer to the bottom compared to some of these kinds of things? Because I would definitely say, you know, in my mind, doom probably a little more likely than Star Trek. I hate to say that. [00:32:59] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. [00:33:01] Speaker A: That's what I was trying to say. Kennedy, I'm going to be in complete denial here. I'm going to be on complete copium. Star Trek is the most likely. Yep. You can't convince me otherwise. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. [00:33:13] Speaker C: The, the idealized socialist future where that's. [00:33:17] Speaker A: The most likely one. [00:33:19] Speaker C: There's no money and humanity has, has ascended to, to trend like a kind of. [00:33:26] Speaker A: Remember when IRE unified last year? Good times. [00:33:31] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah, the, the Bell riots happened. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Everything's gonna. That, that kind of sucks. But things are gonna get better. [00:33:39] Speaker C: Well, I think World War III still has to happen in Star Trek. So we're, we're not really doing great if we're Star Trek either. [00:33:47] Speaker B: No, we're not. [00:33:50] Speaker D: I think that Star Trek is slightly more likely only because of the number of people that just spend so much time going, this is just like Star Trek. We should make something that's like Star Trek. You know, it has so. It has so much grip over the minds of the people that make stuff. It's very rare. It's very rare that, that you know, people say we gotta get to work on making doom real. [00:34:18] Speaker B: There are people, because you always read about these, these AI companies and stuff that are like, yeah, I was inspired by, by the tournament Nexus. [00:34:28] Speaker C: By, by Halloom is a classic torture nexus scenario. You know, that's very. The torture nexus, of course is. I created the torture Nexus from the classic story. Don't create the torture nexus. [00:34:46] Speaker B: Yeah, we got a lot of torture nexuses going on these days. [00:34:52] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah, this is definitely a torture nexus based society. It's one of our favorite exports. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Personally, I think Gundam, of all the ones that I mentioned so far, I think Gundam is our most likely outcome, which is still a little hopeful in the sense that Gundam kind of presents this reality of like, hey, what if getting to space really did unlock some new frontier of human potential and then the government realized that it had to be violently suppressed so corporations could make money off of it. [00:35:23] Speaker C: That's your alien, that's your doom. [00:35:26] Speaker B: You know, that's to my mind, I always think of that as the most likely. So I think doom is kind of up there because it is somewhat like that, except doom, you have to have a little bit more of an extension into fantasy. So I think doom is coming below Gundam or Alien for me. Coming below Firefly or the. Well, actually, come here. I was about to say the Expanse, but I actually think doom is more realistic than the Expanse. And I know that some people would fucking lose their minds at that statement, but I, I. You're wrong. If you. [00:36:00] Speaker C: Get their asses. [00:36:01] Speaker A: Kennedy, are you saying that business is vaguely stealing souls to first to resurrect demons? Maybe. Possibly is unrealist. [00:36:11] Speaker C: Is there demon resurrection going on? It wasn't clear on that. They're resurrecting demons with the souls. [00:36:17] Speaker A: Maybe the demons were a metaphor. [00:36:19] Speaker C: That was probably the doom guy here. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Maybe they were making demons robots. [00:36:24] Speaker B: They had to open the portal to hell to resolve the next papal election. [00:36:31] Speaker C: They're just gonna get Francis back. [00:36:32] Speaker A: What cardinal are you voting for? [00:36:36] Speaker B: Cardinal Doom guy. [00:36:38] Speaker A: So, oh, yeah. [00:36:41] Speaker D: Imagine if the cardinals got Kennedy to do the intro before voting for the new. [00:36:47] Speaker A: That was the most important election of your life. [00:36:50] Speaker B: Vote, vote, vote, vote. Actually, I bet I could really get them hyped up. [00:36:55] Speaker D: Time to vote for the vote. [00:36:56] Speaker B: The most hype they've ever been in like hundreds of years. [00:37:01] Speaker A: How old do you think they are? [00:37:03] Speaker B: Okay, let's assume that somehow doom is being made real and it's going to. We, we've got to get to doom by 2045. Don't ask why. It's not important why. I want us to imagine a timeline of five key political promises that would be made between now and 2045. And who would make them? [00:37:29] Speaker C: Who would make them? [00:37:31] Speaker B: So, like, right now, you know, obviously, you know, the first couple of promises could just be made by people we know, but you might suggest for promise number three, that it's made by, I don't know, Barron Trump, who will be the president in 2035 or something. Oh, God. What would be the key political promises if the hinge points that would lead us towards doom. [00:37:58] Speaker A: So, like, what promise would shadow President Elon Musk have to make? That's my first thought. [00:38:04] Speaker C: Oh, God. [00:38:04] Speaker B: Well, obviously Elon Musk is going to promise to get us to Mars, right? Because that's step one. [00:38:09] Speaker A: Okay. [00:38:09] Speaker C: Okay. Yes, definitely. [00:38:11] Speaker A: Oh, God. That's already happened. [00:38:12] Speaker C: He's got to go. Right. Unfortunately, it's difficult to attribute a lot of this stuff to anyone but him. He. He's the Guy who would promise like unlimited hell energy. And then if you told him like, well, I mean that's, that's like people's souls, dude, that's, you know, that's, that's dead tormented people. You'd be like, yeah, that's fine. [00:38:34] Speaker A: Wow. [00:38:34] Speaker C: I mean they're dead about them. That's empathy is, is your weakness here, I'm afraid. We're, we're going to, we're going to torture the souls for argent energy because that's what needs to be done. And that, you know, I'm chuckling to myself and that's not even funny because that's exactly, that's okay. [00:38:56] Speaker B: It's okay to chuckle to yourself on this show. But. Well, okay, so Elon Musk has already promised to get us to Mars. So that's actually promise one and that's already happened. So let's imagine. Okay, so promise to. Let's imagine in 2025 some current political figure makes a political promise that will be fulfilled. That take helps get us closer to doom reality. What's the next. [00:39:22] Speaker C: Well, you'd also need some kind of like space faring military force which doesn't exist, does it? I mean there isn't some kind of. [00:39:32] Speaker B: Wait, okay, sorry. Promise number two also has already been. [00:39:37] Speaker A: Made on a space force. [00:39:44] Speaker C: My lord. All right, well this certainly isn't looking good for humanity. [00:39:50] Speaker B: Promise number three that we like, we need. [00:39:54] Speaker C: That hasn't happened. [00:39:56] Speaker B: What's something that hasn't happened yet? So we've got, we're going to Mars, we've got a space military. What's next? [00:40:03] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, see, the promise of unlimited energy seems too optimistic for, for a politician particularly because it sounds like somebody doesn't make money off. [00:40:15] Speaker B: I don't know. I think a politician would promise that though, potentially especially as like an American like you know, America is going to have unlimited energy and we're going to monopolize that to the rest of the world, right? [00:40:26] Speaker A: And like the person who makes the promise doesn't have to be a bad person. They could be a good person that accidentally makes a horrible mistake. [00:40:35] Speaker D: How long does this have to be until someone says, hey, hey, it seems like you're, you guys are making doom real. Is this, this is a little bit weird. And then they say, no, what are you talking about? Fake news? And then they're like, yeah, let's put the power nodes. [00:40:53] Speaker C: Everybody would say that except for Elon who would just be like, yeah, we're making doom. Fucking deal with it. We're living in doom. Now what are you gonna do? It's doom. We made doom. Fuck you. [00:41:05] Speaker B: I like. I like the idea that the unlimited energy promise might come from someone unexpected. And in fact, I think I have just the right person. I think in 2025, Gavin Newsom will promise unlimited energy for the United States. [00:41:21] Speaker C: Yes, that's perfect. [00:41:24] Speaker B: To doom. Now, the next promise. I actually have a proposal for promise number four that I think is critical to help us get there, which is I think that in. In 2028 or 2032, we will have. Republican President JD Vance. [00:41:45] Speaker A: Stop. [00:41:46] Speaker B: Republican President JD Vance will propose that we have to prove that the Catholic Church is real scientifically. [00:41:56] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:41:58] Speaker A: Did you say please even once? Thank you. Thank you even much. You know what? Both work. [00:42:06] Speaker C: We proved hell is real, so religion is real. What's the fucking problem? [00:42:10] Speaker A: Yeah, but Catholicism, specifically real. [00:42:13] Speaker B: That's the promise. Now, the promise doesn't necessarily lead exactly where, you know, I'm not saying that the Catholic Church gets proved real. I'm saying that's the promise that gets made that leads to them discovering hell. [00:42:24] Speaker A: Okay, sure, right. [00:42:26] Speaker C: But having discovered hell, he's just going to declare victory. He's just gonna be like, there we go. He did it. See, you know, like. Like demons are tearing people's faces off. And he's like, well, I fucking told you. There it is. [00:42:37] Speaker B: When people point out this doesn't necessarily seem to resemble the cosmology you've described, and they. They just won't. People like him won't care. [00:42:44] Speaker C: Definitely not. That. That part's. That part's irrelevant. That part's irrelevant. You're thinking too much. [00:42:50] Speaker A: All right, one more. [00:42:51] Speaker B: You need one more promise to help us get to doom. Arlen, you're our expert here. What's the icing on the cake? What are we missing here? We've got going to Mars, space, military, right? This unlimited energy and proving hell is real. [00:43:09] Speaker C: So what, you know, we need a number five there. You have to combine them all. Like there's a political promise to combine them all. So you need the base on Mars. [00:43:19] Speaker A: I guess we need a unifier. [00:43:23] Speaker C: A unifier? Well, I mean, I guess. I guess President Musk is the one who does this, right? President Musk is the one who brings it all together. [00:43:33] Speaker B: He's President 2045. [00:43:36] Speaker C: Right? So, I mean, I guess that's. That's just the final step is you need to make him. Him president. But that's not just like Elon Musk. [00:43:49] Speaker A: I don't know. I'm thinking it could be a Centrist dam that wants us to meet in the middle and work together. [00:43:56] Speaker D: I. [00:43:56] Speaker B: Okay. Actually, I know what we're missing. [00:44:00] Speaker C: What's that? [00:44:00] Speaker B: We need someone to approve the creation of the big fucking gun. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, absolutely. [00:44:07] Speaker C: That's the one element that we're missing, of course, is the fucking bfg, who. Of course, who approves the bfg. Absolutely. Once there's nothing else to achieve, you have to achieve the biggest gun there ever was. [00:44:24] Speaker A: Pick a Republican. Pick a Democrat. [00:44:26] Speaker C: But I think a Democrat. Yes, that's exactly. I think a Democrat brings us the big gun. So AOC brings us the big gun. President. President aoc. The. The. The resistance President brings us the BFG to unify America under the biggest gun that has ever been beautiful. God bless America and the big fucking guy. [00:44:53] Speaker B: I got another question for y' all. Which politicians would accept an endorsement from hell? Now, keep in mind, this is a complicated endorsement to accept because the evangelicals may have a mixed response to it. Now, I think probably we could argue that. I think Trump could just accept the Hell endorsement and spin it. [00:45:12] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:45:14] Speaker C: Oh, definitely. He basically already has. Yes. [00:45:16] Speaker A: Hell wants me to improve them. They know I'll be the best. To improve Hell, I'll make Hell the best place. [00:45:24] Speaker C: They're gonna. They're gonna. They're gonna give us real estate in Hell. We're gonna set up a nice little embassy in Hell. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be. [00:45:31] Speaker A: It's gonna be motels, all that torturing. I'll bring you down. They'll be happy. Nobody suffering. That's why they endorsed me. [00:45:42] Speaker C: We've already got a strong trade agreement with Hell, basically, so. So they might as well just. Just become the first state. [00:45:50] Speaker D: When we deport people to Hell. They stay there. [00:45:55] Speaker C: Will not be negotiating with Satan to get tortured souls out of Hell. [00:46:03] Speaker A: It's funny. [00:46:04] Speaker D: It's actually hilarious. That's actually very funny. Yeah. [00:46:09] Speaker B: Who else would accept the Hell endorsement? [00:46:11] Speaker C: Definitely Tulsi Gabbard. [00:46:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:46:17] Speaker B: Her fans would totally justify it, too. They'd be like, she's gonna bring about world peace by working directly with Satan. You don't understand. [00:46:26] Speaker D: Hillary Clinton. [00:46:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Just say it's not Bill, though. [00:46:33] Speaker D: No, because he would say it makes it less likely for you to win the election. Hillary. Yeah, you take those pictures arm in arm of Satan. [00:46:43] Speaker B: I just think that. Yeah, I think back when Bill was running, he was too folksy, you know? Like, that was always Hillary's problem, is that Bill always had that folksiness to him. And, you know, Whether or not you think he's hot, gross or funny, questionable. [00:46:59] Speaker C: Sure. [00:46:59] Speaker B: You can't deny that he is just a folksy guy. Even if I don't agree with a lot of the things they said about him at this time, I. I can't. I can't deny this. You know, he. You know, you get the sense that, like, if Bill Clinton invited you to sit down and smoke joints and play cards, you'd probably have a good time. Even if, like, in the back of your mind, you're thinking this guy's a fucking war criminal and a pet. A probable pedophile, you know. [00:47:29] Speaker C: Glad you interjected for the. The legal action ability there. [00:47:36] Speaker B: But, you know, he has. [00:47:38] Speaker A: So. [00:47:38] Speaker B: He has that folksy, rustic charm. Hillary always seemed like she came straight out of the factory where they make people like Pete Buttigieg. Bill would be like, yeah, you know, I sin a little, just like everybody else, but I couldn't take that hell endorsement too much or something. [00:47:58] Speaker C: You know, couldn't do it. [00:48:00] Speaker B: I think he just passed on it. But Hillary would be like, it's a pragmatic endorsement. Gets me a lot of voters in rural Connecticut. [00:48:10] Speaker C: Some people could make the hell endorsement work. I don't think Hillary Clinton is one of them. [00:48:15] Speaker B: Oh. I mean, she's. [00:48:16] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:48:16] Speaker B: It's not going to help her win. She still loses. [00:48:19] Speaker A: What are you talking about? She's an. She's an expert on winning elections. Remember when she won in 2016? I'm delusional, by the way. [00:48:29] Speaker C: I think it was my vote that did it for her. [00:48:31] Speaker D: I think you have to have a great combination of you thinking that it'll. That it'll help you win, and you have to take it. So it has to be somebody who has a big sense of hubris to accept the endorsement from hell. And you know, Hillary Clinton, she's gonna say, what are you gonna do? Vote Republican. So, yeah. [00:48:51] Speaker A: Yeah. That's what they did. [00:48:53] Speaker D: All those souls. Right to. Right to my ballot box. [00:48:58] Speaker B: Rest in peace, I guess. [00:49:05] Speaker C: Rip to those guys, but I'm built different. [00:49:08] Speaker B: So Samuel Hayden is sort of the key. [00:49:13] Speaker C: Yes. [00:49:14] Speaker B: Character with a name that if you know any character from doom, it's probably this guy. Right? [00:49:19] Speaker C: Right. Sure. [00:49:21] Speaker B: Imagine it's 2004. Or, sorry, 2024. [00:49:26] Speaker C: Imagine it's 2020, the future 2024 AD. [00:49:33] Speaker B: And you've got a viable indic. Independent candidate for president. Don't ask how it's possible. It doesn't matter. But somebody is competing with Harris and Trump in 2024, and it's viable and that man's name is an Android called Samuel Hayden. What is his key? Keep campaign promise on the trail. Arlen, I feel like you're especially suited to weigh in here. [00:50:02] Speaker D: But Brandon, you got something I just want to grill. [00:50:12] Speaker C: Well, I think he would probably primarily promise to prevent the intervention of the icon of sin into our world which. [00:50:26] Speaker B: Which is accessible to fly over state voters. [00:50:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I was going to say Trump would be like my woke third party opponent wants to stop the icon and evil. Can you believe this DEI has gone too far. Like, like what's up with that? Am I right? I. I want to give you jobs. I want to. I want to help the economy. The one that destroyed. I don't even know. Evil isn't even a thing. Nobody's ever proven to be. Evil's a thing. Come on, you can't vote for this guy. [00:51:00] Speaker B: We may have. I was strong. I don't know. Can Samuel Hayden promise? Is there something he could promise that's stronger than that? What about doom guy? [00:51:08] Speaker C: Doom guy can promise to. To crush and destroy all of his enemies, which I think is all anybody wants in a candidate. Doom guy is the Perfect candidate for 2024. Honestly. [00:51:21] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I think a crush and destroy all of my enemies candidate could do very, very well in 2020. [00:51:28] Speaker C: It's what the American people are looking for. [00:51:30] Speaker B: Kind of what Donald Trump brought. And in fact, I think that was one of the disappointments that some people had with Kamala Harris is that if there was one thing we expected out of her, it was for her to be a cop and to act like a cop and can arrest Donald Trump on stage or something. I don't know. [00:51:52] Speaker C: Glee. What Kamala needed to do was don the doom guy armor and promise to rip and tear her foes, which did not happen. [00:52:00] Speaker B: Yeah, Just let. Let Tim Waltz come out on stage with a chainsaw. That's it. That's. That's my entire pitch. [00:52:07] Speaker A: When Tim Waltz comes out with the chainsaw, everybody cheers. But when Elon Musk comes out with a chainsaw, I see the double stuff. Standards. [00:52:16] Speaker B: Yes. Correct. [00:52:17] Speaker C: America needs the candidate who will come out and declare their intention to create the bfg. That's what America clamors for. A gun that's really big. [00:52:28] Speaker B: I agree. [00:52:29] Speaker A: Now what if a kind of big gun, we compromise. Me in the middle. [00:52:34] Speaker B: No, no compromises. [00:52:35] Speaker C: That's just a big one. A big one. A gun that has the word in the middle. Oh God, that's right. A fuck gun. [00:52:43] Speaker B: Like those guns that they get given by the military. To kill robocop with that are improbably light and huge and have no recoil. [00:52:51] Speaker C: Right. They're basically Nintendo super scopes. [00:52:53] Speaker A: Yes. Hell yeah. [00:52:55] Speaker B: Wouldn't you love to be able to blow up a car with no recoil? [00:52:59] Speaker A: Why would you blow up a car that was somebody's car? [00:53:03] Speaker C: Blowing up a car is the dream. That's the American dream right there. [00:53:07] Speaker A: Whose car? Just cars. [00:53:09] Speaker C: Everyone dreams of their own Robocop rocket launcher. [00:53:12] Speaker B: Just buying it. Just buying a brand new but low priced car right off the lot, driving it to a nondescript location and blowing it up without it having more than even a thousand miles on it. I think that's the, that's the real American dream right there with these tariffs. Good point. Okay. [00:53:32] Speaker C: Trump has taken your away your ability to view a large explosion and the Democrats need to bring that up. [00:53:39] Speaker B: You're actually right though. So we, we know that Doom can run on almost anything. You could probably run it on some certain really high end sneakers these days or who knows what. Right. I think it's fair to say that probably the average human brain could run Doom. Right? Sure. [00:54:00] Speaker C: Johnny Mnemonic style. Yes. [00:54:02] Speaker B: But most politicians brains would be too cooked to run Doom also. We agree on this. [00:54:10] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:54:12] Speaker A: What could John Fetterman run on his brain? Continue. [00:54:18] Speaker B: Let's go with that. What could John Fetterman run on his brain? [00:54:22] Speaker C: Game Boy games. A Game Boy emulator? [00:54:25] Speaker B: I don't even. [00:54:26] Speaker C: That's just the Game Boy though. Super Mario Land. You know, like, like not one of the good ones. One of the earlier. [00:54:33] Speaker B: The original warrior world. I feel like the original Wario world is what's running in John Fetterman's rhyme. Just gobbling up the coins. Don't give a fuck about anyone. Simplistic gameplay that clearly rips off other other more popular things. [00:54:52] Speaker C: Really harsh on Wario land here. [00:54:54] Speaker B: I mean the original one is not that good. The series gets better. It's all right, fair enough. [00:55:01] Speaker C: It had unique gameplay, but it's also. [00:55:03] Speaker B: From the era where you got like three video games a year and you just love them. And I know because it was one of mine. [00:55:09] Speaker C: One of mine was the Home Alone 2 game. [00:55:11] Speaker A: Nowadays everybody has to. Everybody has too many video games. [00:55:15] Speaker C: Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's definitely true. [00:55:17] Speaker B: Just force downloads a new hentai game into your library every four hours now. [00:55:24] Speaker C: I don't even know how they get. [00:55:25] Speaker A: I didn't buy this one. [00:55:29] Speaker B: Are there any politicians whose brains are uncooked enough to run Doom? [00:55:34] Speaker C: Geez. [00:55:35] Speaker A: I mean maybe a lot of the. [00:55:36] Speaker D: Newbies Wouldn't it be great to make a Doom level reel and then blindfold a politician and spin them around and make them just try to navigate the level? [00:55:48] Speaker C: Who would you do a. Who would you do a co op Doom run with the new. The new candidate? [00:55:58] Speaker D: Easily. Chuck Grassley. [00:56:01] Speaker A: Oh, yeah? Yeah. [00:56:03] Speaker B: Am I allowed to pick that former California congressman that spent campaign funds on steam? [00:56:10] Speaker D: Duh. [00:56:12] Speaker A: Only if you can name him. [00:56:15] Speaker C: That's fair. [00:56:17] Speaker B: I'm gonna figure this out. Somebody say something. [00:56:22] Speaker A: Duncan D. Hunter. Yeah, Duncan Hunter. A Republican. [00:56:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:28] Speaker A: He ran for president because his name's Hunter. [00:56:30] Speaker B: I want Duncan Hunter to be in my co op. [00:56:33] Speaker A: Wait, what's on Hunter's laptop? Whatever. Team games. [00:56:40] Speaker C: But has anybody checked out this guy's account, like, to see what he's actually playing? Like, is there anything. Anything weird or cool? He got good taste. [00:56:49] Speaker B: I think it was like a Call of Duty guy. [00:56:51] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, that checks out. Lame. [00:56:54] Speaker B: I mean, he is a Republican. [00:56:56] Speaker A: Among the illegal uses of those funds were plane tickets for his pet rabbits and video games from Steam. [00:57:02] Speaker B: I'm sorry, what? [00:57:03] Speaker C: Wow. Plane tickets for his rabbits. [00:57:05] Speaker A: For his pet rabbits. [00:57:07] Speaker C: Oh, that's fine. [00:57:07] Speaker B: Oh, what? [00:57:10] Speaker A: That part's fun. [00:57:11] Speaker B: I don't. [00:57:12] Speaker A: I don't understand what you're struggling with. [00:57:14] Speaker C: Guys got to bring his rabbit places. What? That's fine. Gotta move your rabbits around. Happens to all of us. [00:57:20] Speaker B: Got another question for y' all. Which politician would be the best at gun juggling? Irl. [00:57:25] Speaker C: Oh, geez. I'm trying to imagine any of them doing. [00:57:28] Speaker B: What do you think could swap from a revolver to a shoddy? In the heat of combat, you have. [00:57:33] Speaker D: To assume that there's actually one congressperson that actually practices doing this. I'm not sure what it is, who it is, but I bet there's a guy from Wyoming that, you know, walks through the halls and just goes, there's old. There's old Congressman Bill gun juggling again. [00:57:54] Speaker C: There's got to be, like, guys doing. There's got to be a congressman out there doing the revolver ocelot gun routine. Like, with some revolvers right now in a mirror. [00:58:04] Speaker B: There's those, like, cowboy action shooting competitions. There's got to be a member of Congress that does cowboy action shooting. It's a rich guy, sport and hobby, anyway. [00:58:13] Speaker C: Yeah. None of you can see, but I was doing the. The gun twirling motion with my fingers while I was describing this. [00:58:19] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. That's what the good guys do. [00:58:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:58:23] Speaker D: There's gotta at least be. If we spread it to congressional aides, I'm sure We find one. [00:58:28] Speaker B: Yeah. There's gotta be like some guy from Montana. [00:58:31] Speaker A: So my take is she lost in 2024. But Mary Peltola, who was the House representative of Alaska, she was very pro gun and she would. You have to do gun juggling. You'd have to be able to do that to impress Alaskans to win as a Democrat, like you have to be that impressive with a gun. [00:58:53] Speaker C: True. [00:58:54] Speaker B: An Alaskan is a good take. In fact, I had just been starting to think to myself, maybe Sarah Palin, she loves to hold a gun. [00:59:01] Speaker C: Right. Alaskan does seem like the best choice. I'm just surprised there aren't more candidates, you know, NRA candidates that are out there doing this, you know, at the podium. [00:59:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:59:11] Speaker C: Flipping the guns around. I want to see some gun tricks from my candidates. [00:59:14] Speaker B: I agree. I'd like to see some gun tricks on the campaign trail. I think there's not enough guns at political rallies. Don't quote that out of context. [00:59:25] Speaker A: I'm going to quote it out of context. [00:59:29] Speaker C: All of us are afraid to like add on to that. [00:59:31] Speaker B: Wouldn't it be funny, really? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not trying to say anything, but wouldn't it be funny if there was like somebody rally at like the gun range? You know, like we're, we're taking donations at the gun range today. Has that ever happened? That has to have happened, right? [00:59:49] Speaker C: It. To have. I don't know if that's happening these days, but you can't count it out entirely. [00:59:58] Speaker D: Absolutely. [00:59:58] Speaker B: Come on down and shoot guns with your, with your congress representative and help me get reelected. Yeah. [01:00:05] Speaker C: I feel like nobody's. They won't even hold town halls. I feel like they're not going out to their, their gun rage fundraiser. [01:00:13] Speaker D: Minimum. That's happening at your city council level. [01:00:17] Speaker B: Maybe at the local level there's like a. Come vote for me for water inspector. [01:00:24] Speaker A: I'm gonna shoot the water to prove I could do the job. Just shut that fish. [01:00:30] Speaker D: That fish looked like he was resisting arrest. [01:00:37] Speaker B: I. No, but I really would. I would love. I would love a politician that did that, did gun tricks and made that a big part of their thing. Unironically. That would just be. [01:00:48] Speaker C: If I, If I can't vote for Doom guy, I'll vote for Revolver Ocelot. Sure. Why? Yeah, Doom guy's still my number one candidate, I think. [01:00:57] Speaker B: All right, my final question for everyone. It's kind of a. It's kind of a two part question. [01:01:03] Speaker A: But two final questions then. You cheater. [01:01:06] Speaker B: I know I know it's kind of two final questions, but. [01:01:09] Speaker C: Well, there's still one final question. There's the question before the final question, and then there's the final question. So there is one final question. They didn't lie. [01:01:19] Speaker B: The question actually lied. [01:01:21] Speaker C: Sorry. This is some Poindexter shit. I'm sorry, go ahead. [01:01:26] Speaker B: So, final question here. Which politician would promise to ban jumping? And part two, how do you enforce the no jumping in public ban? [01:01:40] Speaker C: Geez. [01:01:41] Speaker A: Okay, first of all, I'm just gonna say this will become one of those laws which police officers use as an excuse to arrest anybody they want to. Oh, yeah, I swear I saw him jumping. Yeah, absolutely was jumping. [01:01:56] Speaker C: No, jumping is in Project 2025, I think, already. [01:02:01] Speaker A: Oh, God, I'm afraid. [01:02:03] Speaker B: And obviously that's an executive order. [01:02:05] Speaker C: Police. [01:02:05] Speaker B: Marginalized communities. It's. Yeah, I mean, the, the, the, the jumping ban is clearly. [01:02:14] Speaker C: He had a jump rope on him, I swear. [01:02:16] Speaker B: Draconian and authoritarian and going to cause ruination of many of the lives of already marginalized people. [01:02:27] Speaker A: I got it. [01:02:28] Speaker B: So who. Who would, who would propose such a horrifying thing? [01:02:32] Speaker A: So. For two reasons, Donald Trump would. One, for all the reasons that you. That you said. But two, to get revenge on Elon Musk for all that stupid jumping that he did during the rallies. Once they have the. [01:02:44] Speaker C: Oh, that's so plausible. [01:02:47] Speaker A: Get revenge on Elon Musk. [01:02:49] Speaker B: Revenge. [01:02:50] Speaker C: I think he nailed it. [01:02:50] Speaker B: Jumping around at rallies. That's, That's, That's a really interesting take. [01:02:55] Speaker A: Well, no, they have another falling out, and he's trying to figure out ways to get back at Elon Musk, and he's like, all that stupid jumping you did, you can't do it anymore. Nobody can do it anymore. No more jumping. [01:03:07] Speaker C: Do you really think that Donald Trump would take petty revenge on somebody he used to consider a friend? [01:03:13] Speaker A: Oh, oh, you're right. You're right. Yes. [01:03:17] Speaker C: He would never be such a petty, childish man. [01:03:22] Speaker B: Wow. So true. So true. Donald Trump. [01:03:27] Speaker A: Donald Trump. More like Donald nice. [01:03:29] Speaker B: Always, always a model of temperate behavior. [01:03:34] Speaker A: When you're lying and you know it. Clap your hands. Clap, clap. [01:03:38] Speaker B: Yeah. So anyone else in contention for the jumping ban? Are we just going to throw this one at Donald Trump and call it a day? Because, I mean, that is fair. [01:03:52] Speaker C: I think the big guy himself is the one who would throw it down. I really do. [01:03:58] Speaker B: All right, well, then I guess there's nothing more to say. We've conquered every hill. We've climbed the mountain. We've run up that building and we. [01:04:12] Speaker C: We've shotgunned every demon. [01:04:13] Speaker B: Shotgun every demon. [01:04:14] Speaker D: We juggled all the guns. [01:04:18] Speaker B: And we've also definitely voted. [01:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:04:23] Speaker C: So we voted as many times as possible. [01:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Vote as often as you can every day. Harlan, thank you so much for voting with us today. Remind everybody just really fast, where do they find you? [01:04:34] Speaker C: The hell Zone? On the Internet? Wherever there's Internet to find. The hell Zone. [01:04:42] Speaker B: Hell yeah. The hell Zone. [01:04:44] Speaker A: I love finding Internet. [01:04:46] Speaker B: And as always, you can vote with us or less every week here at most important election of our lives. By tuning in, we appreciate you and we look forward to voting with you again next week. Until then, bye three ever. [01:05:01] Speaker D: Bye. Bye. [01:05:03] Speaker C: See you in hell. Thanks for listening.