The Voters Vs The Freedom Dungeon

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Now wait a minute. [00:00:01] Speaker B: Now wait a minute, listeners. Today, we've got to talk about a hard truth. No one, no one likes to discuss on the right or the left. No one's ready to talk about this, and that's that. Sometimes you've got to put your friends into little boxes. You've got to put them in categories. Nobody likes to discuss this, but there's a time and a place where you have. [00:00:30] Speaker A: I do. No, I'm a statistician. This is what I do. [00:00:35] Speaker C: Yeah, I work in marketing. I love to put my friends into categories. I have a form on my website. You can put yourself into a category right now. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Don't spoil it, don't spoil it. But there is a time and a place where I'm afraid, you will be faced with no choice but to write down your friends names, put little statistics next to them, tally them up and make them significant. And I am of course talking about Dungeons and Dragons. Wait, no. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Voting. [00:01:05] Speaker D: I'm talking about voting this election, which. [00:01:10] Speaker B: Will be, I do truly believe, the. [00:01:11] Speaker D: Most important election of our lifetime. [00:01:14] Speaker A: This is the most important election of our lifetime. [00:01:18] Speaker B: This is the most important election. [00:01:20] Speaker C: Don't you you hear that? This is the most important election in our lifetime. [00:01:25] Speaker B: I certainly think it's the most important. [00:01:27] Speaker D: Election of my lifetime. [00:01:28] Speaker B: This is the most election of our times. [00:01:33] Speaker C: Politicians say every time, this is the most important election. [00:01:36] Speaker D: This one's really that important. [00:01:38] Speaker A: I love one of those and hate the others. [00:01:39] Speaker C: You can guess which one. One of those I think are great. [00:01:46] Speaker D: I am a huge fan of anything that lets me put my friends into little boxes and then throw dragons at them. [00:01:53] Speaker C: Yeah, one of these things is a. [00:01:55] Speaker B: Racist institution and the other is voting. [00:01:58] Speaker D: No, I. Oh, that's why I go with a homebrew rpg' but we'll get to that. [00:02:03] Speaker B: No, yeah, we'll get there. We're, we're gonna, we're gonna talk about role playing games today. We're gonna talk about how they relate politics in a few different ways. We're gonna talk about a lot of wonderful things and we're gonna talk about those things with an incredible guest. He, you've already heard speaking. But before I give her a proper introduction, I've gotta remind you who is here. I'm Kennedy Cooper. We've got Brandon Buchanan on the panel. As always. [00:02:30] Speaker C: Get in the dragon, Sanji. [00:02:32] Speaker B: That's right. And we have our in house statistician Andrew Fields giving a thin air of credibility to the show. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Tell me, does this Dungeons and Dragons have a number or two in. [00:02:46] Speaker B: Does there's numbers in this game. And last, but certainly not least, we have an incredible guest today. I want to call you a returning champ because I personally have podcasted with you so many times, but you've never been on this show before, so it's going to be exciting. New frontier. Brooke Bunkowski, welcome. [00:03:07] Speaker D: Thank you. It's wonderful to be. Well, not back, but it's wonderful to be back with you on this entirely new podcast. And I am very happy to be here talking about one of my favorite things, which is not voting or politics. Well, there's politics, but not those kinds of politics. [00:03:22] Speaker B: Sometimes there's a little voting, too, to be. You know, sometimes the party can't. Are we going to. Are we going to the lava caverns? And the other guy's like, but I got this sword of slaying fire demons, and no one can. [00:03:43] Speaker D: And then somebody else says, you have my ax. And then the meme is complete. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Yeah. And then the voting must commit. Brooke, I like to give folks a chance to shout out. You do so much incredible work. It's hard to even know where to start. But I like to give folks a chance to shout out where they can be found, things like that at the start of the show, just in case people don't listen all the way to the end. I think they should, but, you know, some people weren't raised with respect, so we have to deal with that around here. [00:04:13] Speaker D: Well, I have. I do try to keep my professional life separate from my personal life these days because I had recently realized that my life is much easier that way. But I'm going to throw that all out the window and let you know that I have a new job. Well, it's not really new. It's been about a year, but it's just starting to get, like, really kind of intense for reasons that will probably be clear once I tell you I am an editor for a local news organization here in San Diego called Times of San Diego, and we are right on the border. [00:04:41] Speaker A: I can't. I can't even make a joke. I was just about to make a joke. No, I'm not going to make a joke. Oh, no, I'm too. I'm too traumatized. Oh, my. I guess you could say it feels like you've put me on ice. [00:04:57] Speaker D: Oh, hey. Oh, yeah, exactly. And I'm a former immigration reporter who has, like, gone out of her way to antagonize every ICE agent, every border agent around. Like, not on purpose, you know, I just don't like authority, and I don't like authority. That is okay. [00:05:13] Speaker A: You are a real American hero. You are. Thank you for your service. [00:05:17] Speaker B: It's not that you have any specific problem with them. It's just that you don't respect them, which is fair. [00:05:22] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't respect them. I don't respect their work. I don't respect what they do. I don't respect what they stand for. And I think they're illegitimate. So, I mean, sure, to let them know. Because honestly, this institution, as you can see, I have strong, strong feelings about it. I do not ever think that this institution will be legitimate. I know too much about it. And so, anyway, I've made that very clear over the last 20, 30 years of my career. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a dartboard with my face on it somewhere. [00:05:48] Speaker A: You are a real American hero that deserves an annual holiday. [00:05:53] Speaker D: Thank you. Thank you. [00:05:54] Speaker B: The work that you do, incredible. [00:05:56] Speaker D: Sorry, it wouldn't dirty years. It just feels like 30 years. But ICE as an institution has only been around since 2001, so I guess it would be 25 years, 24 years, however many years, A million. I don't know. But yeah, so I was doing border reporting, and I. And then after that. Sorry, I'm laughing. It's just I started getting into counter disinformation and debunking and stuff like that. But, like, a lot of the stuff we debunked at the time was stuff coming out of police departments and sheriff's departments about fentanyl. So, like, nobody returns my calls. If I have to make a call in a story or something, I will not get a call back. And I'm like, yep, this is a badge of honor. Because you know what? These. These people deserve to have me tell them. They were like. There was this really embarrassing fentanyl video that came out of the San Diego Sheriff's Department a few years back where it's like, this is what happens when somebody touches fentanyl, and it shows this, like, cop, like, rolling around, you know? And then people around him are going, breathe, breathe. You can do it. You can make it. And, like, we talked to a bunch of doctors, and the doctors are like, this doesn't fucking happen with fentanyl. That's a panic attack. Come on. Anyway, that video quickly disappeared, and the San Diego Sheriff's Department does not answer my calls. Wow, I wonder why it was such a pleasure to debunk that nonsense. My God. [00:07:07] Speaker B: Anyway, what made you want to talk about tabletop role playing games today? I mean, I kind of personally know why but tell the audience. [00:07:15] Speaker D: Okay, well, first of all, I'm a big nerd who plays well RPGs. I don't really play D and D that much or Pathfinder because just these like crunchy games are kind of, they're fun but like they, they eventually become like, you know, it's gone, five hours have gone by. [00:07:29] Speaker C: Yeah, you need an entire database. You need like add on software to track the stats of the characters. You know, you lose a sheet of paper and you have to go back like nine weeks of progress. [00:07:42] Speaker A: I'm good with my Paper Mario. Thanks. [00:07:46] Speaker D: Paper Mario, awesome. [00:07:47] Speaker A: Yeah. That's why I like my PA for RPGs Mario. [00:07:52] Speaker D: Amazing. I'm a fan. [00:07:54] Speaker C: But anyway, you were saying? [00:07:56] Speaker D: Oh yeah. So I'm not a big like huge rules based person, but I am a big fan of storytelling games and always have been. And in 2020 I started getting back into D&D or RPGs. I'm used to saying D and D is a catch all because most people, when I say RPGs think I'm talking about, you know, like rocket propelled grenades, which are also cool, I guess, but they're not something I play with as much as I might like to. I could do a lot of good if I had, you know what, I. [00:08:22] Speaker A: Cannot object to that statement. [00:08:25] Speaker D: Oh man, the places I would go. But anyway, so RPGs, I started playing them for stress relief, but you know, just to kind of get out of my head because it was 2020 and I'm like, I'm going to die. Like we're all going to die. Oh my God. But it quickly just sort of reignited this old interest I had in playing role playing games. And I started to go deeper with it and realized that like, this is a very useful tool in a lot of situations as well, which I can get into. But most of all, I just love dragons. You know, that's, that's what it boils down to. I think dragons are awesome and that I've always been a fantasy sci fi, like wackadoodle. But the actual reason that I decided to pop up and talk about dragons is because I'm also like, I decided to lean into the nerd shit because like, that's me. And like, what's the point of pretending anything else? You know, I pretended to not be a nerd, like in real life for way too long and I suffered for it. And like, it didn't make me any more friends. Like, plus the kinds of friends you make when you're pretending to be cool are also People who are pretending to be cool and, like, there's no fun. So. So I just. [00:09:30] Speaker C: We literally. We literally organized a big chunk of our life around this realization. I mean, what is this podcast if not an attempt to monetize our hobbies? [00:09:39] Speaker D: Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I hope it works. May you make tons of money. [00:09:43] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. [00:09:45] Speaker D: So I started volunteering at a couple of local libraries in the last few months because I thought that libraries might need volunteers, you know, and also because. Nerd. Because I'm a nerd. But I also thought it would be good to sort of protect the information that we have there. [00:09:59] Speaker C: Did you know that after three months, if you can consecutively volunteer, they give you a free dragon? They don't tell. No. [00:10:06] Speaker D: I'm so excited. They told me. I get. [00:10:08] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, they tease you with that. Just stick with it. [00:10:12] Speaker D: I'll do that because I'm on month two and I really want a dragon. But they asked me, knowing my proclivities, one of the libraries I volunteer for said, hey, we've been trying to figure out somebody who'd be willing and able to give us a presentation on, like, the recent history of D and D. And we thought of you for some reason. And I was like, can I wear a wizard hat? And they're like, we have a wizard hat for you. Hell yeah. So then I've got this on my mind, and I'm totally gonna, like, talk about satanic panic to a bunch of 8 year olds. I assume it's gonna be 8 year olds. This is coming up in a couple of weeks at the local library. But once I got invited to be on the show, I was like, can I talk about Dungeons and Dragons since it's on my mind. So here I am. And that is why. But again, RPGs. [00:10:57] Speaker B: Look at you. You can now add tabletop role playing game historian to incredible resume. You know, if you've given one talk anywhere on a subject, you're good to go. So I'm an expert. Yeah. [00:11:16] Speaker A: I could throw you a curveball, though. I could throw you a curveball. Dragons from Pokemon, which a palm tree and an apple qualify as dragons. [00:11:27] Speaker C: Andrew, have you ever thrown a ball? [00:11:29] Speaker A: Next question. [00:11:33] Speaker D: And I'm afraid I've never played Pokemon. Not even Pokemon Go. As much fun as that Looked at the time. [00:11:38] Speaker A: Well, just know that in Pokemon, a palm tree and an apple are dragons. [00:11:43] Speaker B: If somebody promised me a dragon, I got an apple. I. I think there'd be a fight. [00:11:49] Speaker D: Yes. Yeah. [00:11:50] Speaker A: I take the palm tree, though. I miss Vegas. [00:11:53] Speaker C: The dragon was inside you the whole time. [00:11:58] Speaker A: Literally part of the plot to deltarune. Chapter four. Good job, Brandon. I didn't know you loved deltarune. [00:12:07] Speaker C: Isn't there a Delta room, Chapter five, where the guy just, like, guzzles hairspray and just breathes it on them? [00:12:15] Speaker D: Girl. [00:12:15] Speaker A: But that would not shock me if that happened. Girl. [00:12:19] Speaker D: Wait a second. Guzzles hairspray. [00:12:23] Speaker C: Because, yeah, the guy says that, you know, all right, I'll. I'll block this out for the sake of, you know, he. You're expecting a dragon. The wise old man gives you an apple. He says, in fact, the dragon was inside you all along. Then you say, I'll show you a dragon. You start drinking hairspray. You pull out a lighter, you belch with fury. The old man holds up the apple to protect himself, but it doesn't do anything. And there's like a roasted apple and the guy is blinking soot from his eyes like in a Warner Brothers cartoon. And you. [00:12:56] Speaker D: Oh, my God, that's great. [00:12:57] Speaker C: But you have found the dragon within. It just took some minor poisons. [00:13:01] Speaker A: Certain elements of that happens and certain other elements are totally what the character would try to do. [00:13:07] Speaker B: We're not here to talk about deltarune. We're here to talk about tabletop roleplay games, which I'm glad you picked as a subject. Also something fond to my heart. But, you know, the realm of tabletop role playing games, like you mentioned, you tend to play more independent stuff. Myself as well. But, you know, it's overshadowed by this big thing called, indeed D. Dungeons and Dragons and drive ins and dives and just diversity and equity and inclusion. [00:13:38] Speaker D: No, no, no, no. We can't talk about that. We'll lose all our funding. [00:13:42] Speaker B: It's already happening. [00:13:43] Speaker C: Clint Kennedy, how many times do we have to teach you? [00:13:50] Speaker B: So, of course, you know, we can't really talk about D and D without talking about segregation. [00:13:56] Speaker C: There's a blue eyes, white dragon, and nothing else. [00:14:00] Speaker D: Yes, I would love to talk about this. Actually, this is something that kind of pushed me away from D and D over years. Well, the first thing that pushed me away from Dungeons and Dragons when I was a kid was the fact that everybody told me that girls couldn't play Dungeons and Dragons. And I was like, well, fuck you guys then. And I formed a D and D group with my friends who didn't say that kind of thing, and we just did our own thing and. And it was way cooler. But, yeah, that. That became very problematic for me later. But I'm sorry I cut you off. I will Tell you, when I started thinking about that, my hint is it was when I was reading Dragonlance. But we'll get, we'll get there. [00:14:34] Speaker B: No, yeah, you're good. You're like. You're allowed to cut me off. You're the guest. [00:14:39] Speaker D: Yes. [00:14:39] Speaker B: Gary Gygax gets a lot of credit as the sort of grandfather, father of RPGs or whatever. [00:14:47] Speaker D: Well, he was really justice for Dave Arneson. Justice, I was about to say. [00:14:52] Speaker B: He really stole the concept from this other guy, Dave Arneson. And all Gary Gygax really added was racism for the most part. He was from the, the. The tabletop war gaming community and historical war gaming in particular in the 80s was incredibly racist. We're talking about guys that were like, sitting down and being like, okay, so 8th century Persians versus 8th century Greeks. Who has a higher intelligence stat? You know what I mean? Like, these guys were not okay, you know, and that's very Gygax. Stench has lingered on the industry for a long time. It took a lot, a lot of work to break out of stuff. Like, I mean, part of why, unfortunately folks like yourself were told growing up, oh, DND is not for girls, is because DND itself in the early edition said, oh, a woman can't be a warrior. She can only be like a mage sword holding. [00:16:01] Speaker D: This explains a lot, actually, because I heard that a lot too. And I was like, fine, I'll be a warrior mage. We can't do that. That's dual classing. But okay, I'm getting ahead of myself again. [00:16:11] Speaker B: Yeah, a lot of these folks were against fun back then, so. But no, feel free to go off about any, any of this if you need to. [00:16:21] Speaker D: Oh, man. This is what I do instead of therapy. You know, I go on my friend's podcast and I just rant about things that have made me mad, which is fine because I can't afford therapy. There are no therapists anymore anyway. They're all like booked out through like 2030. So, you know, this is good too. [00:16:39] Speaker B: Also, like, my last therapist had a therapist. And like, I was wondering how far that chain went, you know, like, like, like. Because that seems like, you know, eventually we're going to end up with a problem there where all the therapists are in therapy and none of them have time to give us therapy. Which understandable why they would end up in therapy, don't get me wrong. But I'm just saying, like, they have. [00:17:03] Speaker C: To listen to all of you all day. Of course there is therapy. [00:17:07] Speaker A: There is the one true therapist that Gives all the therapists therapy. [00:17:12] Speaker D: Oh, my God. The platonic therapist ideal. The earth therapist. [00:17:18] Speaker C: Hey, this is not supposed to be a Sopranos episode. Let's just keep going. [00:17:24] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. [00:17:25] Speaker A: What were we talking about? [00:17:26] Speaker D: Kennedy, D and D. I was about to say jagged. We were talking about jackets. [00:17:31] Speaker B: No, we're talking about how, yeah, Gary Gygax brought racism into D and D. Although have been push backs against it even within DND itself, which, like, fifth edition D and D, still not my jam, but. And still could be less racist, but not as racist as it was before. [00:17:51] Speaker D: You know, good, good baby step progress. That's good progress. [00:17:55] Speaker B: But yeah, racism front. [00:17:56] Speaker D: Like, I. I did often wonder and. And I was a little bit ashamed of myself because I had this, like. So I. I loved Dungeons and Dragons. I mean, Again, I loved RPGs. I love Dragon shit. I always called it dragon shit. You know, fantasy novels. I loved comics. Like, fantasy comics and, like, all this stuff. But, like, something I noticed as a kid and growing up into it being a young adult was like, I would go to Comic Con every year and everything. I would always notice how white it was. And I thought that was because, like, nerds. Being a nerd was a white thing. And I was really embarrassed about it. I was like, well, I guess I can't, like, get past my whiteness. You know, I like, no matter what I do, I'm always going to be a fucking white nerd. It wasn't until years later that I understood the concept of gatekeeping, even though it was being applied to me too. Like, I just didn't get it. I thought I just wasn't good enough for something like that. And I thought that people of color were just, like, had better things to do than play Dungeons and Dragons and be into dragons. So I was embarrassed about this. But then when I found out about gatekeeping, I was outraged. I was like, holy shit. Holy shit. This is what they kept from us. This is what those fucking races get from us. Oh, can I swear? I'm sorry. I should have asked that a while ago. [00:19:02] Speaker A: Fuck. Fuckity shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. [00:19:04] Speaker D: Awesome. And. And then I was like, well, you know, think of it. This is kind of like. This does explain why everything is so problematic. So the dragonlance thing, to their credit, those same authors, Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hoffman, I believe they have gone back and they're trying to, like, re. They're trying to change their canon that they wrote 30 years ago and make it less, you know, horrifying. Like, there's the character, there's a character in Dragonlance. Actually there's a few characters in Dragonlance who the gods want to punish them, so they change their skin color and it's like, oh, oh, oh. But there's also a couple of things, like with orcs, where they talk about the orcs and how the gods punish them too. And they change them from being these beautiful, you know, like golden haired, golden silver haired entities into ugly green skinned monsters. And I remember thinking what's called a skin, right? And then there's this part in the book, in these dragonlance books, the early ones, where they talk about how these characters are like, they're going all over this, you know, Kryn. And they're, they're meeting all these incredible, like, they've met centaurs and talking unicorns and they've met like, you know, I don't know, sentient rock formations and ghouls and ghosts and like all this shit, right? But then they meet somebody who's black and there's a whole page devoted to like how they can't stop staring at this person whose skin is so dark and it's so weird. And as a 10 year old, I read this and I'm like, what the are they talking about? They've seen dragons, they've seen freaking like gemstones that embed themselves into people's chests and then they live forever, but they're like, yeah, but, but, oh God, never seen that before. So that was something like 10. I'm like, that seems a little bit weird, you know, and then that just kept recurring to me over years and years of like whiteness, you know, in nerd culture. So by the time I started meeting actual nerds and geeks who were people who weren't white, I was like obsessed with this. So of course my, I'm very, very awkward. I have very few social skills and like, it's too late for me to get them. I don't care anymore. But back then I'd be like, so have you ever noticed any racism in nerd culture? And they'd be like, are you fucking kidding me right now, Brooke? So that was how. [00:21:18] Speaker C: What's great now is that you've got the power of editing. So nobody knows exactly how awkward, ridiculous, messed up any of us are as podcasters. And you know, all of us have got our own separate, you know, friend groups and stuff. It's not like we all podcast all day, all the time. Although it would be completely epic. Just goes to show. [00:21:39] Speaker B: Yeah, no, editing is a big part of how nerd culture was able to Take off. You know, you take my stuttering nonsense, you clip it together. Suddenly I'm an Internet comedian. [00:21:50] Speaker D: Stuttering nonsense. [00:21:51] Speaker A: You know, Meanwhile, our editor likes to embarrass me. Complimentary. [00:21:56] Speaker D: Keep doing it. [00:21:58] Speaker C: I. I think what that's called is just like playing the things that you say on the track. [00:22:04] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So. So to kind of tie some of these things together, it's like, you know, you have these early days of nerd culture, which are highly gatekept, very nichy, and there's a lot of bigotry involved in it. And like, let's be clear, like we've mentioned certain things, but I want to be clear that the earliest versions of D were racist, as I've mentioned, also misogynist, as I've. And homophobic too. They really, they really managed to just. They were getting everything in there. It's just incredible. [00:22:40] Speaker A: I hate to ask, I really hate to ask, but when you say everything. They had goblins too, right? [00:22:47] Speaker B: Oh, they had all that. Yeah. So, like. [00:22:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:50] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. And gnomes or. No, not gnomes. I'm sorry. Dwarves. You know, the. The small, dark, jewelry loving creatures who live in underground. [00:22:59] Speaker B: They got big noses. You ever noticed that? [00:23:02] Speaker D: They got big noses. Yeah, I sure did. Oh, boy, did I ever. They love banks too. Like, that's. [00:23:11] Speaker B: I had feelings about that one as I continued to get older. [00:23:15] Speaker C: It's a good thing that we moved away from tropes like that in popular children's fiction. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. [00:23:25] Speaker B: But as nerd culture, even though Brandon is right that we still have a long way to go and his. His joke is painfully cutting, you know, as nerd culture has grown, it is less gate kept now as Brook's been kind of, you know, getting at, you know, your story. And I can speak to my own, you know, experiences with tabletop role playing games, seeing similar stuff and, you know, tabletop role playing games have this ability to be this outlet for people that might be discovering things about themselves, be it something cultural, something identitarian in some other way. Gender, sexuality, these things can be expressed in the realm of Tabletop role playing games. You know, I had this friend growing up that was in several DND campaigns that I ran that played as a girl a lot and is a girl now. [00:24:17] Speaker D: Yay. [00:24:18] Speaker B: Probably shouldn't have surprised any of us, but it's like, you know, she has said that those spaces were important to her, discovering that identity. This isn't. I could tell other stories like this, you know, but like, I know people that, you know, have discovered something about themselves, you know, explored something about their, you know, historical cultural identity through Tabletop role playing games. All these different things. And so there is this other side of it, you know, it doesn't have to be, you know, the thing that Gary Gygax envisioned. But then the irony of what we're running into in the. Or the sick cruelty of what we're running into in the, in the modern era, it's not really ironic, it's more cruel, is that, you know, the people that want redlining can't afford houses anymore and so they're taking their white rage out on stuff like role playing games. And, you know, as much as we think of like the, like, Gamergate video game anti woke movement as, like, in its relationship with our, like, current political environment, there's also a whole relationship with the anti woke tabletop nerd crowd. [00:25:28] Speaker D: I've accidentally played a couple games with those types. Just like, you know, randomly on Discord if I'm like, jonesing. And their games are first of all, like, offensive, obviously, but also just so boring. They're always so boring. This is the same shit again and again. [00:25:42] Speaker B: Yeah, their games are not good. I've. I've also been fun. Is woke it actually. Is it actually? You know, we've talked about this before how, like, culture and media isn't good if you suck all the quote unquote wokeness out of it. We've talked about this on the show many times. Well, tabletop role playing games, it's the same. [00:26:01] Speaker D: Yep. Yeah. I mean, yes. How could it be good if you're, you know, monitoring it for being too accepting of people, you know, oh, no, can't have. You can't be too, like, empathetic and compassionate. Can't. You can't celebrate things that are different from you because that's like, fucking weird. Especially in a fantasy trope. Right? Like if. If you're playing a fantasy game and you have people with wings, that's woke, man. Can't do it. [00:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that's too woke. I don't know why wings are too woke, but they're woke for some reason. [00:26:31] Speaker D: I don't know. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. And this 78 tweet thread, I shall explain. [00:26:39] Speaker D: How wings are. [00:26:40] Speaker B: Well, if you're a listener, that is not that. In a tabletop role playing game, you might think that we are joking about wings or woke. No, like the anti woke crowd is. You can't. Wings or tails or fuzzy ears. These are woke elements to your character. You can't have those. You have to have pointy elf ears. That's a non woke element. All right. [00:27:05] Speaker D: Yeah, it's very depressing. It's so tedious. Yes. [00:27:11] Speaker C: This was, this was kind of an important point when you talked about redlining and property values, which is that, you know, not just that people are taking out their rage on quote unquote, tabletop gaming specifically, but just that from an economic perspective. What are people moving into high end hobbies in terms of the amount of time that they have to spend, the emotional attention that they have to spend. In the 50s and 60s, people spent all of that time invested in their house and like the value of their time was, was expressed through that. [00:27:48] Speaker B: Well, and even more so, it's like you think about like at like house, boat, three car lifestyle, right? [00:27:56] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:27:58] Speaker B: So like, you know, these days it's like, oh, I just barely bought a house and now all my money goes into paying the mortgage for the people that do have. You know, like, if I ever own a house, that'll be my story. I'll just be like, yeah, you never see me anymore because I'm paying a mortgage. [00:28:15] Speaker D: Yeah, sorry. [00:28:16] Speaker B: I used to have a social life, now I have a mortgage. [00:28:20] Speaker D: Yeah, I've seen that happen. Oh, I meant to say going back to like people who always played, you know, like men who always played women or women who played men or so on, who ended up transitioning later in life. I've heard so many stories like that people who'd play RPGs in, in their, you know, they're like learning about the concept of transitioning even when they don't understand the concept of transitioning yet. Like it's their first sometimes, like entry into this new world that for them is everything. And I think that that's a really important thing to bring up because these games, the other thing that these games do is they normalize this idea that identity is something that you can play with, it's something that you can choose as opposed to have something thrust on you. Even though, you know, some games you do have to like roll dice and everything, other games you don't. And you can still choose certain things about your characters. And that builds so much tolerance and so much empathy. Like, I mean, like I've, I've played with, you know, people who played like half dragon, half human. I've played with people who, whose characters are like, oh, I played once with a ranger whose name was Chubbs Magoo, which I think is like the funniest shit ever. That's now my cat McGoo. [00:29:34] Speaker A: I am his biggest fan. [00:29:38] Speaker D: You know, but because of this, like, I've learned, and I'm not the only one, but like, I've personally learned to tolerate all these different gaming styles, all these different ways people react to things. I've learned too that I can't really anticipate what people are like. Like, it's prepared me for a lot about the real world. And most importantly, like, if somebody comes to me and says, hey, I've been making this, like thinking this over, I'm making this huge decision, I'm gonna transition, I say, awesome, because I have learned like not to be an asshole from stuff like RPGs and from also from like talking to people and just not being an asshole, you know, Toxic shitlord. [00:30:15] Speaker B: But also vehicles help us learn social skills. It turns out it's not so, not so strange. There are some people that would like to resist that. But overall, you know, I think they're going to lose the cultural battle, but we need to make sure they lose the cultural battle, which is what we are going to ensure here in the voting booth today here on this show. All right, we have got critical, important action. I think everyone is going to approve of what is on the agenda today here in the vote. [00:30:47] Speaker A: I am voting no. I'm voting. [00:30:50] Speaker B: You're not going to want to vote no, but yeah. So let me first ask Brooke, are you familiar with the concept of the five room dungeon? [00:31:00] Speaker D: Yes, but that was never how I played. So if you want me to talk about my own experiences with it, then. No, you're talking about like, oh no. [00:31:08] Speaker C: You don't need to. [00:31:09] Speaker B: I'm just, I'm just asking if you know what it is. I'm going to explain what it is a little bit to everybody here. [00:31:15] Speaker D: You do mean sort of like the basic like game that's five rooms, you're going into a dungeon, you're getting. This is what I think it is. So please tell me I'm wrong if I am. You know, you go find treasure, you find a monster, you have to feed another monster, you have to beat that one, then you get the big boss and you're out. Right. [00:31:30] Speaker B: Is that kind of. Yeah. So like going to be. There's a specific model of the five room dungeon that we're going to be looking at today. But the, the idea was, the idea of the five room dungeon is that it can be tempting to design these overly elaborate dungeons that your players then breeze through in a few minutes. It's, it can be unsatisfying as somebody running a game and you know, a lot of modern game Master advice is based on the sort of con, like these sort of concepts of being more fluid, being more flexible, prepping less, you know, basically just just not, not killing yourself in the way that like people did back in the early days of D D where you would, you know, get out graph paper and draw an elaborate dungeon with every little detail sort of mapped out. [00:32:25] Speaker D: Oh yeah, I, I've got something. So I used to really, really like, that was my favorite thing. I would create these, these games and my favorite thing was drawing maps. And that taught me a little bit about myself too later in life when I was like, oh, I also like trains. [00:32:41] Speaker B: Yeah, similar realization for me with maps and trains. But you know, but you have to admit, even though it's satisfying to draw the maps, it is dissatisfying when you spend like six hours drawing a beautiful map and then the players get through it in 90 minutes. And you don't want to take that feeling out on the players. But again, the secret that a lot of people have, have chosen to move to are these systems that help encourage, you know, easier design for the, for the person running the game. And the five room dungeon is an example of this. So there's. So for the five room dungeon concept that we'll be looking at today, this is one that's been popularized for a few years. I don't know exactly where it originated. I wish I could give credit, but it's been just bouncing around the Internet for a long time now. And I tried to find like an original source. It was a little vague. The first dungeon. [00:33:34] Speaker A: The inventor of the five room dungeon. [00:33:36] Speaker B: The first room is like your entrance area where you kind of get acquainted to things and move deeper and then like gain the ability to move deeper in the second room is the puzzle that kind of holds you up with some kind of quirky something you've got to solve, overcome in an interesting way. The third room is the setback. It's something. It's the room where something goes wrong, something maybe a little unexpected happens. The fourth room is the big show. This is where you tend to have some kind of big battle or encounter, dramatic encounter of any kind. And then the fifth room is the reward, which sometimes has some story complications. So what I want us to do today is to design right now on this podcast a perfect, incredible United States themed five room dungeon that in theory anyone will be able to, you know, take and play with their tabletop role playing group afterwards if they so choose. It'll be system agnostic. You know, we're not going to get into any stats or numbers of that kind. I know, I'm sorry. No, this won't be specifically for D and D or any specific game. You could play it with any fantasy role playing game. But you will be able to listen to this episode, take the ideas of this episode and use it to inspire your next five room dungeon, your next tabletop role playing game. Does that sound good to everybody? [00:35:11] Speaker D: No pressure, guys. [00:35:11] Speaker A: Motorhome. I want you to know this is my first hearing of this. I just want you to know this. You know this. Know the pain Kennedy puts me through. Okay, let's begin. [00:35:23] Speaker C: Yeah, Kennedy, I love completely sprung on me challenge. If I didn't love just being challenged for just walking into a room, I wouldn't have chosen to be born black in America. What do you got for me? [00:35:41] Speaker B: All right, so I want to explain right away that this adventure is going to revolve around slaying a Lich. Now a Lich is an evil wizard who sheds their humanity in exchange for immortality. Comes a sort of horrifying undead thing, but becomes very hard to kill in exchange for that. So liches often live for thousands of years and make lots of trouble. So we're gonna, we're gonna create a, a United States themed five room dungeon that revolves around slaying a Lich. And to get us as a little warm up here to get us started. You know, a lot of the best adventure modules always include a little, little something extra, like a little a special new power or a special item or something that's a little bit outside the scope of the module itself, but could be something that extends to your campaign as a whole. So I want our module here to come with a new warlock patron spirit. It has to be based on any dead US politician that held office while they were alive. And we're going to decide, we're going to figure out together as a group who were they? We're going to pick somebody from history. [00:36:58] Speaker D: The Lich is going to be Kissinger, right? [00:37:00] Speaker B: Well, no, we're not getting to the Lich yet, but this is it. This is a patron spirit for warlocks. This is a patron spirit for warlocks. So warlocks get their magic, our spellcasters that get their magic from patron spirits. So we're going to create a new patron spirit. That is any dead US politician will decide who they were and what type of magic do they grant the player. So let's who, who has a good suggestion for who do you think would be the most powerful if you were to call upon you're a warlock, you're trying to call upon a patron, and you can only choose from dead US politicians. You're trying to call upon a powerful patron spirit who will grant you an unstoppable magic that will make you an incredible warlock that people will talk about forevermore. Who are you picking? [00:37:53] Speaker D: I got one. I got one. I got an idea. [00:37:54] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:55] Speaker D: Sorry, I was just reading about this guy. Sorry, Charles Sumner. Okay, go ahead. Charles Sumner. Sorry, he. Hang on, let me make sure I'm describing this right. Yes. Okay. He was anti slavery, hated slavery and slavers, and he was a Republican, which is weird now, but I guess in the 1800s it was not. And he went to Democratic slaveholders and called them noisome, squat, nameless animals, not proper models for American senators. And another one, he said, you're taking a mistress who, though ugly to others, is always lovely to him, though polluted in the sight of the world, is chased in his sight. I mean, the harlot. Slavery, he said. And then he got caned in his head. And like. [00:38:43] Speaker C: Yeah, I was gonna say that. This guy. I was literally about to say, so did this guy win an election anywhere, or. [00:38:50] Speaker D: Yes, he. He survived a House Century Resolution and resigned. Was immediately reelected. Very popular politician. Died at 30. Oh, sorry, that was Brooks. Sumner recovered and returned to the Senate, where he was enormously popular. Remained for another 18 years. Sorry. And unfortunately was not effective at ending slavery. But he did tell a lot of slavers that to their faces, that they were terrible. [00:39:16] Speaker A: Okay, I'm reading up on this guy, and I'm going to say just this one line from Wikipedia. This is why he's my vote. During the war, Sumner led the radical Republican faction, which was critical of President Abraham Lincoln for being too, too moderate towards the South. Yep, that's my guy. [00:39:34] Speaker D: See, that's a powerful magic right there, Brandon. [00:39:37] Speaker B: You sounded like you might have an alternate pick, though. [00:39:40] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, sorry, Brandon. I got excited because I only just read about this guy and his antics about two days ago. [00:39:46] Speaker C: That's a great choice. You know, when I started this, I actually went in the opposite direction, and I said, boy, the United States political system is so amoral that I'll have to dig really deep in the bag to find a US Politician that wasn't a scumbag. So instead I said, who's morally neutral but effective? And that was James Polk. [00:40:08] Speaker D: Ooh. So maybe Sumner's our chaotic good guy. [00:40:13] Speaker C: If. Yeah. You know, the thing with Polk is it doesn't seem likely that there's going to be any catches to having him as a patron. You know, this guy made a declaration of what he was going to do, he did it, and then he quit. A great source for a patron. God's power. So many stories are about people being seduced by power, etc. Etc. You want a patron to be a guy that quit. Not a bad choice. [00:40:41] Speaker B: All right, let's. [00:40:43] Speaker C: But I like Sumner. I. I prefer Sumner to Polk, though. [00:40:46] Speaker D: Well, maybe Sumner could be our chaotic good and poke could be lawful, neutral. And now we just need a. An evil one. [00:40:54] Speaker B: What magic. What magic would James Polk give you? What kind of magic? [00:40:58] Speaker C: It's got to be some kind of stand. You've got to pronounce what your power is or what your intention is at the beginning of the mission, and then he's going to help you do it. But it'll be hyper specific. It might not be as useful to everything else. You know what I mean? [00:41:16] Speaker B: Okay, yeah. What about Charles Sumner? What kind of magic does he grant Brooke? [00:41:23] Speaker D: Oh, I would say he's. Since I'm on the dragonlance thing. Sorry, Dragonlance was sort of my entree. Entree into like all things dragon. So I always go like default to that. But I would say that he has the ability of spite and insulting and blinding his enemies with rage. Like a kender. [00:41:44] Speaker B: A spite magic patron. I like that. [00:41:49] Speaker D: Total respect for the spite. [00:41:50] Speaker C: Yeah. Just imagine not being a racist madman during that time. You'd have enough spite to power your entire life. [00:41:58] Speaker B: So true. [00:42:00] Speaker D: I. Oh yeah, absolutely. And I got to tell you, I really do. One of my favorite things is actually insulting, racist. Like I think that it does give me power. You know, it increases my, my mana points every time I do it. So I see where he's saying, yeah. [00:42:17] Speaker B: You can cast more spells after doing it. [00:42:19] Speaker D: Yes. [00:42:20] Speaker C: Drawing aggro is a big theme of this build. [00:42:24] Speaker B: The first room of our dungeon, as I mentioned before, is the entrance. So first, what federal or historic site is going to inspire the vibe of the entrance? And I'm going to ask this for each room. We don't need to dwell on this particular question overly long, but just let's just pick a theme, a vibe. The entrance to an America themed dungeon. [00:42:44] Speaker D: Oh, you know, I was actually just covering a story on Thursday in front of the federal prison facility down in San Diego because they are arresting American citizens and saying that it's because they're assaulting members of homeland Security investigators, you know, doing their jobs. So I would say the entrance of the American dungeon would look something like that. A very tall blocky building with like little slit windows and ominous architecture and then a big nasty ass American flag flying out front. [00:43:19] Speaker C: Yeah. There's a. I forget the name. It could be the entrance of Florence Prison. It could be the entrance to. It could also be. Honestly, the St. Louis Arch would be a great entrance to an American themed dungeon. [00:43:37] Speaker D: That is good. [00:43:38] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's big and ominous. Is there, is there a natural location like a, like a, like a gulch? [00:43:50] Speaker B: I think we could kind of combine these two themes. You know, it's like you've got the big arch and then as you approach, the arch has all these little slitted windows. It's concrete, it's oppressive looking. [00:44:05] Speaker C: That's it. [00:44:08] Speaker B: Yeah. The Freedom Dungeon. [00:44:12] Speaker A: With some sort of sign along the lines of welcome to Freedom. [00:44:16] Speaker C: Basically. Basically, you're getting a right wing brutalist architecture, getting the worst of all world. [00:44:23] Speaker D: Yes. It is called the Freedom. It's got to be called the Freedom. [00:44:27] Speaker B: This adventure is called the Freedom Dungeon now. So, so the, you know, you're at the entrance to the Freedom Dungeon. Who's the guardian of the gates at the entrance of the Freedom Dungeon? Who is the. [00:44:42] Speaker C: Jeb Bush. [00:44:43] Speaker B: Jeb Bush? [00:44:51] Speaker D: Yeah. He's got a sign above him at all times. It says something like, please clap. [00:44:56] Speaker A: I was going to say the parliamentarian, but Jeb Bush works. [00:44:59] Speaker C: Yeah. And he, he, he gives an ominous story about being so close to the power, but its curse being more than any man can bear. And that any guy that goes through there is, you know, just that to go further is the gate to madness. Jeb Bush is ominous as possible in his own dorky way. [00:45:22] Speaker D: I like it. [00:45:23] Speaker C: We're gonna show Jeb a tape of Avengers in game and show him the red stage skull. He'll get it. [00:45:28] Speaker B: There's got to be a special key item or perhaps a command word that opens the door after you defeat Jeb. What is it like? This is what opens doors further into the dungeon. [00:45:40] Speaker C: Oh, it's not sad, is it? [00:45:44] Speaker B: No, think very, think America themed. You know what, what would be the. What would Jeb Bush drop? That's the America themed key that opens all the doors of the dungeon. Of the Freedom Dungeon. [00:45:56] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:45:56] Speaker A: An eagle that goes into. Locks the doors itself. [00:46:01] Speaker D: It swoops down. [00:46:02] Speaker B: Just a magic eagle that unlocks the doors. I'm fine with that. [00:46:05] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, I like it. [00:46:07] Speaker B: So that's room one. You, you arrive at the brutalist version, the brutalist castle version of the St. Louis Arch. Deb Bush is outside giving horrifying Sephiroth speeches. And you have to fight him. When he dies, the magic eagle becomes bound to you. Now, it was bound to him previously. The Magic eagle can unlock many doors in the Freedom Dungeon. Room two is the puzzle. So which historic or federal site? What kind of vibe are we going for for Room two? You're like, you enter the arch and maybe you go up or down or something. Who knows? But, you know, you're in a new area. [00:46:52] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm feeling, I'm feeling a DMV in Washington, D.C. i'm feeling Mount Rushmore. [00:46:59] Speaker D: Hmm. I'm too California for this. I, I, I can't. Like, everything I can think of is overly Californian. California. [00:47:09] Speaker B: That's okay. [00:47:09] Speaker C: You could be like, must be it. Yeah. [00:47:12] Speaker A: California is a state. I mean, I was born there. If California ever splits off from the United States, I'll be a Californian American. [00:47:22] Speaker D: Yeah, that may happen. [00:47:24] Speaker C: Californians don't defend their right as a state nearly enough. California actually exports most of the reasons that people like America. [00:47:35] Speaker D: Yep. [00:47:36] Speaker C: Somebody sit down and talk about the things that they liked about being an American. They would not get very far before naming something that comes from California, like Californian. [00:47:48] Speaker A: Most movies are from Texas. Right? That's the state most movies are from. Right. [00:47:53] Speaker D: Huh. [00:47:55] Speaker B: All the big record labels are in Wyoming. [00:47:58] Speaker D: All the agriculture. [00:47:59] Speaker A: That's why nobody wants to live there. [00:48:01] Speaker C: I don't know if the government has anything cool in California. Is there anything in the California federal government? National park, State park? Is there any iconic federal stuff in California? [00:48:16] Speaker D: Yeah, but I can't think of any right now. Oh, I guess the Hoover Dam. [00:48:19] Speaker B: All right. [00:48:22] Speaker D: No, I guess. [00:48:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Room two. Room two is, Is Hoover Dam. [00:48:28] Speaker C: Hoover Dam, that's right. [00:48:30] Speaker A: I used. I grew up in Las Vegas. I've been on that damn tour many times. And that's what they call it, the damn damn tour. [00:48:37] Speaker D: It's the best tour of my attention. [00:48:38] Speaker B: This room continues. [00:48:39] Speaker C: Let's get in the damn puzzle room. [00:48:42] Speaker A: Yeah, the damn puzzle room. [00:48:43] Speaker D: Yeah. Sorry. That's not actually California. I feel like I need to say this so that the pedantic listeners don't email me. I'm sorry. This is the closest I could come to California. To me, it's. [00:48:55] Speaker A: I don't have to vote against you. I don't have to vote against you. That's mine. Baby. [00:48:59] Speaker C: Is benefiting from California this time. What. What state is getting free clout from California that we're giving? [00:49:07] Speaker B: Where is the Hoover Dam? [00:49:08] Speaker C: Where is the. Where is the Hoover Dam? [00:49:10] Speaker A: That would be Nevada, baby. [00:49:14] Speaker C: State of Nevada. You've Got something. Yet another thing to thank California for. [00:49:20] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:49:20] Speaker B: You wouldn't have gotten a shout out in this episode if not for California, but you're welcome. Yeah. So this room is also like brutalist concrete, lots of flowing water. [00:49:32] Speaker A: Okay, Okay, I have to clarify. So nobody corrects me. It's technically on the border of Nevada. [00:49:38] Speaker B: We're not giving Arizona. We're not giving Arizona any credit. All right, let's move on. So the laws of brutalist concrete and flowing water. What is the America themed puzzle that the players have to solve here to progress? We don't have to come up with an actually good puzzle. Just there is something. [00:50:00] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is. What is. What are the. What is the famous things about the Hoover Dam? Isn't there some Hoover Dam trivia? Wasn't. Didn't. [00:50:09] Speaker D: I've exhausted my knowledge. [00:50:12] Speaker C: Nicholas Cage figure out the. The. You have to watch all three of National Treasure movies and you have to figure out. However. Yeah. You have to watch both movies. And if you haven't figured it out by then, there's a series. If you haven't figured it out in the movies. And you have to find the current location of the real Declaration of Independence through watching at the Hoover Dam. Yeah. Now, to help you with this, you and your team, these. This stuff is on three different screens at the Hoover Dam, so you and your friends can watch both all of the. The content and trade notes. You think that Declaration of Independence is the real one? [00:50:57] Speaker A: I was gonna go with the dam's not working and you have to fix it to power up the room, but I don't know. [00:51:03] Speaker B: That's good. The both of these are good. My thought was that it would be one of those, like, puzzles where you have to, like, pour water from different sized containers and then you actually frustrate your players by doing like, you, you. You just pull out containers with different amounts of water and there's like a measuring cup and you're like, okay, you can move two cups at a time. Let's go, everybody. And they're all like, you, you. [00:51:32] Speaker C: Okay, so there's a. You. You've got to restore water. You've got to restore power to the Hoover Dam by doing a very tedious. By doing a very tedious water moving puzzle while the movie National Treasure plays in the background. [00:51:49] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:51:50] Speaker B: And, and, and the movie. The section of the movie that is playing will have clues that are relevant. The puzzle. [00:51:57] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [00:51:57] Speaker A: And you could speed up. There's hidden buckets. And that part of the movie reveals where the bigger buckets are. [00:52:04] Speaker B: Yeah, you. [00:52:04] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [00:52:05] Speaker B: You might. You might think. How is the movie going to relate to this water puzzle? Well, that's for you to figure out. Game masters at home. Who is the puzzle keeper character that provides sometimes useful, sometimes frustrating hints while let's pick another us, living or dead us figure, political figure to be the sometimes useful. [00:52:29] Speaker D: Sometimes. [00:52:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Who provides sometimes useful, sometimes frustrating. [00:52:34] Speaker A: I would say, since this is Nevada. Since this is Nevada, I'm gonna put in Harry Reid, who's the Nevada informer. Yeah. Former head of the Democrats is such. [00:52:47] Speaker C: A great choice, but I actually. I actually have a choice that. That's just as good or maybe even better than Harry Reid, which is Benjamin. Benjamin Franklin will help you, but however. [00:53:01] Speaker A: Yep, yep, yep. [00:53:04] Speaker D: But he's also going to make a joke. [00:53:06] Speaker C: He's going to be distracted by the modern day. There's going to be beer there. Like, his ability to help you without getting distracted is going to be limited. So I'm sorry, we're going to have to read the. [00:53:19] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm going to have to choose that one. It's funny. Yeah, that's funny. [00:53:23] Speaker D: Yeah. Franklin's a great choice. Sorry. But Reed, I think we should repurpose him because I think that he's also a fantastic character. But Benjamin Franklin. I'm just picturing him going, pull my finger. You know, when you ask for something. [00:53:35] Speaker C: I got your chemical balance right here. [00:53:38] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:53:39] Speaker B: He's giving you all the measurements in like, these outdated systems. Like, he's talking about like, Kelvin, you know, he's like. You're like, I haven't thought about Kelvin since I was in high school. What are you talking about? Kelvin's. [00:53:54] Speaker A: What is high school? [00:53:55] Speaker D: He would ask what is high school? And. And then you will tell him it's the place where nightmares are made. [00:54:02] Speaker B: School where you get high somebody. [00:54:03] Speaker A: And he would make a joke about it being like politics. [00:54:06] Speaker D: Yeah, well, that's true. [00:54:08] Speaker C: Ben Franklin turns out to have very passionate opinions about vaccination. [00:54:18] Speaker B: We gotta keep this moving. So room three is the setback. [00:54:21] Speaker C: Cool. Which. [00:54:24] Speaker B: Which federal or historic site or the room where something goes wrong? What, what, what do we want the visual vibe to be? [00:54:33] Speaker A: I mean, the easy answer is the White House. [00:54:36] Speaker C: The Supreme Court. [00:54:38] Speaker A: That's an even better. That answer. [00:54:41] Speaker B: We're not gonna come up with better than that. Let's just call it right there. It's the Supreme Court. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Yes. [00:54:47] Speaker B: So you're. [00:54:48] Speaker D: Oh, my God. You have to. You have to defeat six angry orcs and three potential allies will aid you. [00:54:55] Speaker B: Yeah, there's Three orcs that might join your side, but it's not clear. [00:55:02] Speaker C: If you, if you attack the legitimacy of those six other orcs, who knows what those other three will do. [00:55:11] Speaker B: Even one of the six that's attacking you at first could switch sides at some point. It's very unpredictable. [00:55:18] Speaker D: Yes, the unpredictable orc. [00:55:19] Speaker C: It would really help if you got a majority of the orcs, but they're orcs. It just seems unlikely, really. [00:55:26] Speaker B: You can somehow get a majority of the orcs to join your side. The combat encounter ends instantly in and in non violence, but you have to get five of the orcs to join your side, which is just pretty much impossible. [00:55:43] Speaker D: That's. That's like rolling five natural twenties in a row. It's just not gonna happen. [00:55:47] Speaker B: We need a, A character to betray the players in this room. You know, they're facing Schumer, they're facing my role, but I'm gonna just incorporate what you said, you know, so now that we know the answer, you're. They're. They're facing down against the nine orcs, three of which are pretty willing to join your side. One kind of ambiguous five, pretty much just against you. And Chuck Schumer is there and you think he's gonna. Chuck Schumer's actually been with you since the start of the dungeon. To be clear, we're adding that now as a new detail. Game masters, you gotta go back and giving you terrible advice. [00:56:36] Speaker D: Terrible advice. He's been lecturing you about tomatoes the whole time. [00:56:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Chuck Schumer has been with you the whole following. Following you the whole time, being slightly helpful, but just kind of mostly being there. And, and then right here at the Setback room, right when he really. You really thought that he was gonna lend a hand, he turns on you and joins with the five orcs that suck ass. [00:57:03] Speaker D: And. [00:57:06] Speaker B: Yeah, also at the same time, further complicating things in this room, you spring a trap at some point during this encounter, and this trap must in some way have be based on or themed on, or have the aesthetics of in some way of redlining. We need a redlining themed D and D trap. All right, what do you got, folks? [00:57:36] Speaker D: Oh, this is interesting. [00:57:39] Speaker B: Well, maybe I'll expand this to redistricting a little bit too. [00:57:44] Speaker D: I was gonna say you have to solve a puzzle, but then as soon as you get it right, like somebody comes out of a side door and tells you that you did it wrong, you have to start over and that you're never gonna get it right. But no, it's a Little bit too. Okay, never mind. I gotta workshop it. [00:57:58] Speaker C: Oh, I've. Oh, I've got. I've got the red, Brandon. I've got the red. I've got the redlining themed thing. One of your party members gets stabbed and the nearest hospital is too far away and they just die. [00:58:16] Speaker D: Oh, you don't have a clarity. [00:58:17] Speaker B: Actually, not one of your party members, because that's too harsh. One of the orcs that was on your side. One of the three works that was. [00:58:25] Speaker D: On your side is stabbed by Chuck Schumer. [00:58:31] Speaker B: By Chuck Schumer. And the hospital is too far or, Sorry, the cleric is too far away. [00:58:38] Speaker A: What is this podcast even about? [00:58:42] Speaker B: There's a magical barrier that prevents the cleric from getting to the part of the dungeon where. Oh, yeah, where this crime is occurred. [00:58:53] Speaker C: You guys ever have one of those elementary school teachers that would, quote, unquote, teach you about racism by being extremely racist for the day? [00:59:03] Speaker D: I feel like Jesus Christ. [00:59:04] Speaker C: No, I feel like the best. Well, come to Atlanta. I've got so many fun things to share. [00:59:10] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [00:59:12] Speaker C: I feel like the best way to teach your white party members, because, let's face it, about the horrors of redlining is to just take one of them randomly. [00:59:22] Speaker B: All right, but let's agree then. Yeah, it has to be a white player at the table. [00:59:27] Speaker C: Well, okay. [00:59:28] Speaker B: All right. [00:59:28] Speaker C: All right. Don't, don't, don't tell your party this. Only if. Yeah, your part. Don't tell your party. [00:59:35] Speaker D: Listen to this podcast. [00:59:36] Speaker C: If. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If your party is entirely white, then take red line and, and eliminate one party member completely at random. You get a Game of Thrones experience here at the Supreme Court. If you're not gonna, if you're. If your party's not gonna expect. Experience this in real life, give them a little taste of it in the video. [01:00:00] Speaker B: I like it. [01:00:02] Speaker D: Can we go back to the elementary. Can we go back to this elementary school? [01:00:06] Speaker B: If you, if you want, if you want to soften it a little bit, you could use a poison dagger and just make it so that that player doesn't get to do anything interesting again for the rest of the session. Just completely shut them out. [01:00:21] Speaker C: Dungeon Masters, you've gotten four alternate difficulty levels of this. You've gotten the completely mandatory culling. You've gotten. If you're a DEI group, you've gotten the quota based culling. You've also gotten the easy. You've gotten the easy mode culling of a severe penalty being imposed, and you've got the comedy option of it. Just simply Backfiring and killing one of the characters that no one really likes anyway. So Dungeon Masters never say, hey, this is America. So for this stage here, at the darkest point of our story, we want to remind you, the Dungeon Master, that freedom will always shine. Let's keep going, Kennedy. [01:01:06] Speaker D: Amazing. [01:01:07] Speaker A: What is this podcast about again? [01:01:09] Speaker D: Dungeons and Dragons, obviously. [01:01:12] Speaker A: Yeah, fair enough. [01:01:13] Speaker C: Dungeons and Dragons, obviously. You've got your, your multiple choices. [01:01:18] Speaker D: I do. I do want to go back to this elementary school teachers thing. I'm sorry, like what? [01:01:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [01:01:25] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one even got. No one even got trouble. It wasn't even. No, yeah. We had a white teacher and one day she was. She was just being like arbitrarily rude to the black student. No, I think it was to the white students. It was so long. I don't even remember which race she was being arbitrarily raised to. But she was giving, you know, teachers can give write ups to the kids. So one day the teacher is just giving arbitrary racial based write ups. And at the end of the day, the teacher's like, today was a lesson about how racism creates unfair situations. Except we were in like maybe first or second grade. [01:02:12] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [01:02:12] Speaker C: So we didn't really have like a sense, of course we all understood what racism was, but we didn't understand. We didn't have like the object permanence of a teacher being moody. Like, you know, a teacher's mood doesn't have anything to do with systemic issues. And we as kids were just like, the teacher was just mean for a day. We didn't really understand the lesson until after we were told to reflect on racism at the end of the day. [01:02:40] Speaker D: I don't know. That sounds super traumatic. I don't think that that was something that ever happened, but I went to like some hippie school in San Diego, so like, maybe they just didn't have it there. Their racism was more structural than, you know, over. It was. It was invisible. [01:02:59] Speaker C: This was a random teacher in the Atlanta Public School. This was just a lab experiment. [01:03:05] Speaker D: I did live in Atlanta and it was. I lived there for a couple years in the early aughts, and that was. It was a learning experience because I'd never lived, you know, anywhere in the south before. [01:03:15] Speaker C: And what'd you think? [01:03:16] Speaker D: I have some real cringe stories, like my own behavior. I. There were. There were a lot of subtle social cues that I missed. There was a lot that I missed completely. But everybody could tell I was Californian. It didn't matter where I went or who I spoke To. They'd be like, you're from Southern California. I'd be like, how'd you know? They'd be like, come on. [01:03:39] Speaker C: Yeah, I know that story for sure. Oh, yeah. [01:03:43] Speaker D: But here's. Okay, here's my. Here's what set the stage for my time in Atlanta, and it was. It was a real learning experience for me, too. I mean, like, learning about racism as a fucking white presenting lady has been a very. It's been a lot. It's been heartbreaking, and it's been horrible. And I know that my work isn't done. I have so much to learn. And it's like, you know, it never ends. And so here was a. Here was an early lesson for me in my defense. Okay. Not much of a defense, but in my defense, it was a very long time ago, but. Okay. I just moved there from. From Anchorage, Alaska. That Anchorage, I think there's one in Texas. And I had not been swimming in years. I missed swimming. I missed swimming outside. I used to go to the beach a lot. You know, I missed. I just wanted to swim. And I didn't like indoor pools, which is pretty much all they have in Anchorage. So I went to the municipal pool at Piedmont park, right? It was right by my house. So I was. I was so excited. So I go. I'm, like, going. And I go up to the edge of the pool, this municipal pool at Piedmont Park. So I didn't understand the concept. Like, I didn't understand the hangover of segregation. I didn't understand the politics of pool. I didn't understand a goddamn thing. So I get up to the pool, and I start talking to the lifeguard, who is super nice, and I'm like, telling her, like, you know, oh, you know, I've been living in Alaska, blah, blah, blah. And then I step forward, and I'm in sunshine, and I look down, and my legs are really, really pale. And I go, oh, my God, I am so white. And everything stopped. And I was like. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. You know what? I think I'm just gonna get in the water now. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go for a swim. So I got in the water really fast and started swimming around, and everybody just kind of, like, ignored me. But as I was, like, walking into the pool, the lifeguard goes, Californian, huh? So that was one cringe. I think about that, and I cringe. And yet I tell everybody this story, too. So, you know. [01:05:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. I think I. I don't understand your end Game here. [01:05:42] Speaker D: I don't know. [01:05:43] Speaker C: I've seen that. That. I've seen that story. First of all, the end game, Andrew, in this business is always to deliver. Great. [01:05:50] Speaker D: Yeah. [01:05:54] Speaker C: And I've heard. I've watched versions of that story so many times. Yeah. [01:06:01] Speaker D: Like, everybody. The vibe I got. And. And it was, again, completely, like, just embarrassing and an honest mistake, I guess. Just like, looking at my legs and exclaiming. I. I didn't need to say the inside words out loud. Right. I didn't need to say what I was thinking. And yet. But the. The air that I got from everybody, like, the. The basic attitude was another one. [01:06:25] Speaker C: If it wasn't. If it wasn't for white people yelling about white people being white, there wouldn't be any. [01:06:34] Speaker D: My first week, I learned a lot. All right. [01:06:37] Speaker B: All right. [01:06:37] Speaker D: But. Yeah, that was. Okay. Okay. Sorry. [01:06:40] Speaker A: All right, let's move on. [01:06:41] Speaker B: So room number four. This is the big. The big show. This is where. This is where the dramatic showdown is gonna happen with the Lich. So what federal or historic site is. Is. Is good enough? [01:06:58] Speaker C: Can. Can I. Can I just bring up the idea that we need to go outside? Think of the last of us. You know, this. This movie has been, like, in a basement for most of its. You know, this dungeon. So. So I'd love us. For us to think of a visually intriguing area that doesn't look like a courthouse or a jail. [01:07:20] Speaker B: Was that. [01:07:21] Speaker D: Oh, that looks like a jail. Never mind. That's a jail. [01:07:23] Speaker A: We could go back to my idea of Mount Rushmore. [01:07:27] Speaker C: We could do Mount Rushmore. [01:07:28] Speaker B: No, let's do Mount Rushmore. That's a good. That's a good. [01:07:30] Speaker C: If it's not Mount Rushmore, my second choice would have been Arlington, which seems a little bit dour for what may be a lot of experience. Explosions. There may be all kinds of carnage. So let's get the Lich away from Arlington. Let's do it at Mount Rushmore. [01:07:48] Speaker B: Or what about. You could also do the Alamo. [01:07:51] Speaker A: Wait, I forgot about that. [01:07:54] Speaker B: I could tell y' all did. [01:07:59] Speaker D: Have you guys seen peewee's Big Adventure? [01:08:01] Speaker C: Of course. Yeah, I didn't. I wouldn't say I forgot the Alamo. [01:08:06] Speaker A: I. I totally forgot the Alamo. I forgot the Alamo. [01:08:10] Speaker C: There you go. [01:08:10] Speaker A: I think that's a crime. [01:08:12] Speaker C: I actually kind of think the Alamo is a great choice because it's the word that is American for climactic showdown, kind of. [01:08:20] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [01:08:22] Speaker A: We could do it at the Alamo if. [01:08:24] Speaker C: If you were to do an American themed dungeon with a climactic boss battle themed After America. And you also wanted to go outside. The Alamo is the place. And it's very cinematic because you're not totally outside. You're in a portrait. You get the idea. [01:08:41] Speaker B: Let's do the album. I hate to tip the scales, but I just. I said that one popped into my head. So we need to decide who is the Lich in our story. A US politician, living or dead, who would be most willing to turn themselves into a Lich. [01:08:57] Speaker A: Do you have an idea? Brooke, do you have an idea? [01:09:00] Speaker D: I'm so sorry. I'm still on Kissinger. I mean, the man was a Lich before he died, so I. I also just really fucking hate Kissinger. Kissinger and I shared the same birthday, and it ruined every goddamn birthday until the day he died. [01:09:10] Speaker A: Oh, my freaking God. [01:09:12] Speaker C: Oh, no. [01:09:14] Speaker D: But I was free. I've been free for like two years now. And every. Every birthday now is great. I'm like, yep, at least that fucker's dead. [01:09:21] Speaker B: You know, when I was. When I was young, I used to wish I had a famous birthday. [01:09:25] Speaker A: Yeah, that worked out. Kennedy, what's your birthday again? [01:09:29] Speaker D: Oh, no. Is it April 20? [01:09:34] Speaker B: Recently pardoned by the. The new presidential administration. [01:09:39] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, it was a day of. It was a day of love. We'll never forget it. A wonderful day. [01:09:46] Speaker D: April 20th. Happy January 6th day. [01:09:49] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:09:51] Speaker B: Anyway, Kissinger. Kissinger is an incredibly strong place. Do we have anybody stronger? [01:09:58] Speaker C: So I don't know if these are better than Kissinger, but if we were to just be different, we could be completely weird and go with George Romney. Since we're having a, you know, Mexican themed thing. We could do George Romney. We could also do. Who was this third option? Who is a weird choice for the. The, The. The. The final Lich. Oh, I forget. Honestly, Kissinger is a great choice. [01:10:26] Speaker A: Kissinger? Why, I hardly even know Kissinger. [01:10:31] Speaker C: Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, there. There are weird. There are weirder. There are funnier. There are. But just Kissinger. [01:10:40] Speaker D: The man was a lick from birth. [01:10:41] Speaker B: So what? So Kissinger, the witch. [01:10:45] Speaker C: We could have done. Oh, oh, for the. For the sake of editing. My. The choice that I would have suggested would have been Aaron Burr or Benedict Arnold or just some infamous, you know, known despised even by centrists. You know, this guy comes out and everyone booze. But honestly, I just think kissing. [01:11:08] Speaker D: Thank you for. For allowing me to work through one of my biggest, like, just hang ups. I really, really just hated that guy. So thanks. Let's kill him a second time before you were born. I know. [01:11:22] Speaker B: So you know how a lot of villains will like offer you some kind of quirky wager or want to play a game with you or have a special condition on the battle. What's Henry Kissinger? The Lich. What's what he got up his sleeve? What. What quirky wager is he going to offer the party that you have to consider. Do you want to take his. You want to play on his terms? [01:11:52] Speaker C: Yeah. Dude. Kissinger will work for any administration. So when you take power you can get souls on tap from the Lich. You know He. He's definitely doesn't need to be in charge. So Kissinger would offer a player that had a mass of the might to defeat him. Some sort of co opting. So if you're willing to take souls on tap then you. I mean. And of course isn't. Isn't that the American rpg? Isn't that what you get when your level gets high enough? Doesn't America offer you souls on tap? So yeah. [01:12:27] Speaker D: There you go. Too real though. [01:12:30] Speaker A: It's like crossed over three real five me. [01:12:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Enjoy this game. Dms. You're getting a nice roller coaster ride. You got some slapstick comedy. We're gonna have I assume what may be a traditional boss battle after this. So you're getting. I don't know. A Castlevania level of storytelling through America. [01:12:53] Speaker D: It's definitely going to offer a rousing discussion in the anti woke circles. [01:13:02] Speaker C: You've seen weirder stuff on Netflix. [01:13:04] Speaker A: I think you meant to say you've seen weirder things on Netflix. [01:13:08] Speaker B: I think you've. [01:13:09] Speaker D: I've seen Stranger things on Netflix. [01:13:10] Speaker A: Stranger Things. Don't it. [01:13:13] Speaker C: Yeah. That would have been Andrew. That would have been a great joke. [01:13:17] Speaker B: Landed it. But instead snatch that one right out from under your fumbling thumbs. So room. [01:13:26] Speaker D: You could just edit it out. [01:13:32] Speaker B: All right. So we've got our final room of the dungeon here. What federal historic site would inspire the. The reward room of the dungeon? The reward area. [01:13:49] Speaker C: What is. What are some great sites in the federal government that represent. Is. Is the U. N. Building at all funded by the Fed? Do we get to use that building since we're on the same account Council. No. I guess we should get a. [01:14:03] Speaker B: We should maybe get more American than that. [01:14:05] Speaker D: I think I was thinking Yosemite or something like a big national park. [01:14:10] Speaker C: Yosemite or I was thinking like the Library. I was thinking of like the Library of Congress or something. [01:14:18] Speaker B: Oh yeah. Library of Congress seems good. [01:14:20] Speaker D: It is the collected knowledge and wisdom of the ancients. In the United States of the land of the United States of America. It is beyond any kind of monetary value. It will offer insight into the esoteric nature of this country and certainly increase your imagination. [01:14:41] Speaker B: I was gonna ask what great reward lies in wait for our players, is the next question. But now I don't have to. [01:14:49] Speaker C: I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's totally it. And, you know, if you've rejected the evils of the world and you've embraced the wisdom at the Library of Congress, you stand among a very select few. And as your reward, you can use the Library of Congress to launch your next. Your next grift. So congratulations. Just try to do it while the librarian isn't directly at you, and have a great time. [01:15:17] Speaker B: But of course, we have to set up our sequel adventure module. Coming soon. Wait, hold on. Go ahead. [01:15:24] Speaker C: Okay. Actually, you should just get a job instead of having to grift. Your reward for going through all of this is a federal job. And your. Your job might get cut in the future. Who knows? It's just part of the drama. And you'll find out next time. [01:15:39] Speaker A: I play. I play video games and other tabletop games to escape reality. Escape it. [01:15:45] Speaker B: I like both of these options. Game masters. Again, we're giving you freedom here. Yeah, you know, we've got a. We've got to sell more. More game modules in the future for 39.99 on actblue.com Dungeons and Dragon are balls or something like that, you know, so we've got to have a sequel. So what horrifying twist is there in the reward room that sets us up for the next adventure, the next America themed adventure? [01:16:15] Speaker A: You've been voter suppressed. [01:16:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. You've. Well, I was. I was going to say that you've been defunded or something. We didn't do Congress at all. So it would be great for the second one to just do a Congress expansion. We can hit him with a big DLC right out of. [01:16:31] Speaker D: The Orcs of the Supreme Court hold Grudges Too. [01:16:34] Speaker B: Oh, so the. The works of this. There's a. There's a lot. There's a lasting grudge match with the orcs. [01:16:41] Speaker A: Have you heard of my new band, the Orcs of the Supreme Court? [01:16:46] Speaker C: Yeah, there's a whole. There's a whole conspiracy. You're probably going to want to play through four or five of these campaigns, give us like 150, $200, fill a bookshelf. There's going to be some very beautiful art. So when a friend comes in, they'll know that you're a voter, that you're into this stuff right away. So think about it. [01:17:06] Speaker D: That's a hard pitched refuse. [01:17:08] Speaker B: Okay, final. Our final thoughts here in the voting booth. [01:17:12] Speaker C: Who would be. [01:17:13] Speaker B: Who would be the worst politician, living or dead, to run a tabletop RPG game? Like you're a player in their game. [01:17:23] Speaker D: Oh, Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Franklin. Okay. [01:17:28] Speaker B: Strange. [01:17:29] Speaker C: Probably he'd be one of the best. Yeah, he'd be okay. [01:17:33] Speaker D: Okay. [01:17:33] Speaker B: I feel like he'd be kind of in the middle. Like, I feel like sometimes his sessions would be really good and then other times they'd be like kind of pervy and you'd be like, dude, come on. [01:17:43] Speaker D: Yeah, that's true. [01:17:44] Speaker C: When you think of politics, there are politicians who are so boring that there's just no doubt that the idea of doing something like this with you. They're so boring and so unimaginative that they like peaked at the House of Representatives or something, but that you just want to just dig your eyeballs out with a spoon. Like, I won't say that this is the person, but like Senator Mike Lee of Utah, you know, somebody that's so low on the totem pole that you. The idea of the ide. That the thought of spending two hours with this person hadn't even occurred to you because they have so little personality outside of being. [01:18:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, this is a hard question to ask because the correct answer would be some sort of nobody in the House of Representatives that. Only that even your own district doesn't know who they are. [01:18:37] Speaker B: You know, I don't think it has to be a nobody, though. Like, for instance, current speaker of the House Mike Johnson would run a terrifyingly horrible D and D game. [01:18:47] Speaker A: Okay, that's a good loophole because he was a nobody until he was the only person with no baggage that they were like, fine, make him the leader. Like, he's the leader because he was a nobody. So that's a good loophole. I'll go with Mike Johnson. [01:19:00] Speaker C: Yeah, I think Mike Johnson's gameplay for Dungeons and Dragons, you know, he'd start introducing Christ points. You'd start having to pray to Chargers and stuff. It would just. [01:19:13] Speaker B: He would be chastising players about not being chased enough at the game table. [01:19:19] Speaker D: And he'd be siding with the Lich the entire time. [01:19:22] Speaker B: Yeah, he'd be low key, sympathizing with the Lich while telling us, oh, yeah. [01:19:26] Speaker A: Obviously I decided to do something new with this game and were the village. [01:19:34] Speaker D: Yeah, well, yeah. [01:19:36] Speaker B: Politician, living or dead. Us Politician, living or dead, would run the Best tabletop RPG game. [01:19:45] Speaker C: I feel like Teddy Roosevelt is such an easy answer that we should take. [01:19:51] Speaker A: Harsh but fair. You can apply that to a lot of things in life. [01:19:56] Speaker C: But who's, who's a very interesting person who's well traveled, who's seen and done a lot, who's a great speaker, who's. [01:20:05] Speaker B: You know, I bet JFK would run a crazy ass tabletop game. [01:20:10] Speaker D: See, I'm thinking Obama, but like, I also don't think that he would be the kind of person who would want to run a DND game. [01:20:18] Speaker C: I, I think Obama actually secretly would want to run a D and D game. [01:20:22] Speaker D: Oh. [01:20:23] Speaker C: If everybody playing the game was sworn to secrecy, he'd pull out his little Vulcan ears, he put on a hat, he'd. I think he'd, he'd get super into it if he had the permission structure. [01:20:38] Speaker A: Let me make it clear, that was a natural 20. [01:20:40] Speaker D: Oh my God. Yes. [01:20:42] Speaker C: I could actually see him being obsessed. I actually, he'd be a phenot. Like, I also don't love answering Obama because he's sometimes a good answer for a lot of things because he's at like a specific generation gap in US politics. But Obama being so into data, being into writing, clearly being into sci fi and fantasy. Like you really, if you had to choose a politician to be your dungeon master, Obama would be a. Just a great. [01:21:11] Speaker D: Oh, but you know what? I bet you he'd be one of those pathfinder guys who wants to do like all the crunchy stuff. And then a combat would take. [01:21:19] Speaker B: Obama pulls out a mat with a grid. [01:21:23] Speaker C: He's a constitutional lawyer. He's definitely placed. [01:21:27] Speaker B: You know, he's, he immediately, the first thing he's telling you is, you know, okay, now one, one inch equals one foot. All right? So now each of these squares is 1 inch. So you understand that. [01:21:41] Speaker C: You'Ve already, you've already decided you want a lawyer to be dungeon for your game. So once you said politician, you're kind of locked in there. [01:21:51] Speaker D: Oh man, this combat scene is going to take three freaking hours. Got too many rules. That's cool though. [01:21:58] Speaker C: Obama's. Obama's gonna feed you. Obama's gonna give you better food at a DND table than most. [01:22:04] Speaker D: That's a point in his favor. Okay. And healthier. [01:22:07] Speaker C: Ask Obama to put some seasoning on it, you know, and he'll, he'll, he'll hook you up more than like, you know what? Strom Thurman cooking at the D and D party. It's like not great. [01:22:17] Speaker A: I do not want to play a game with Strom Thurman. [01:22:21] Speaker B: Well, this has been an incredible episode, y'. [01:22:23] Speaker C: All. [01:22:24] Speaker B: I don't even know what to say about all of the things that have been said, but Game Masters voting along at home. [01:22:33] Speaker C: Hey, excuse me. You. [01:22:35] Speaker B: You. [01:22:35] Speaker C: You set up an episode about D and D and segregation. Then at the end of the episode, you're like, this episode sure went crazy. [01:22:45] Speaker A: Who could have predicted this? [01:22:47] Speaker B: I know, but I'm the host. I'm supposed to say stuff like that, you know? [01:22:51] Speaker C: Yeah, that's true. That is. [01:22:52] Speaker D: When you produce this. When you produce this, please do me a huge favor. And anything that I say that's extra cringe, take it out. Unless it's really funny, in which case, go ahead. I'm just kidding. You can leave all. [01:23:05] Speaker A: Yeah, all your extra cringe was funny. Yeah, all your extra cringe was funny. [01:23:09] Speaker D: No, it's fine. Leave my crane. Leave the Cranes. [01:23:11] Speaker B: It's been a fantastic episode. Game Masters voting along at home. You can now run the Freedom Dungeon for your tabletop group. Your next tabletop session, surprise them with this. They'll be so thrilled with you. And Brooke Binkowski, thank you so much for voting with us today, for being here. What. What. What do you want to. What do you want to tell people on your way out the door here? [01:23:39] Speaker D: Oh, God. Oh, shit. Everything. All my messages is, like, too late now, you know? It's like, keep your friends close and don't. Oh, God. I don't know. [01:23:52] Speaker C: Brooke, can I help you by. Brooke, can I help you by saying that you don't die when the recording goes? [01:23:58] Speaker D: Okay, I like that. [01:23:59] Speaker C: So these aren't your last words to the audience. They can see you again at any time. [01:24:04] Speaker D: You know what? That's actually my advice for. [01:24:06] Speaker A: Wait a second. Wait a second. I. You didn't tell me that before. Brandon. [01:24:12] Speaker D: Wait, wait. [01:24:13] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I feel so much better now. [01:24:15] Speaker D: You give me an idea. We. We need to. All my advice for everybody is do not die if you can help it. Like, do your best not to, so we can outlive every single one of these motherfuckers and rebuild once they're gone. And we can go dance on their graves. That'll be really fun. They are, you know, gender neutral. [01:24:30] Speaker C: I love it. [01:24:31] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. Well, thank you all you listeners at home for voting along with us today, and we'll see you next time. [01:24:41] Speaker C: Bye. [01:24:41] Speaker B: Bye. Thanks for listening.